Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

Those lice are little buggers aren't they?

I see somebody released the Hans from the cellar, they look a bit whiter shade of pale, I suppose they have been down there for a month now?

We are expecting a delivery of black puddings ( bar snacks)
This afternoon, can somebody sign for it, as I have a hair appointment.....my navy blue hair is now light blue (in patches ) so have decided to go pink instead.I have been wearing Meno’s ginger wig all week and my head feels a bit itchy!

The poteen is from an old family recipe ( don’t ask which old family though.) It’s at it’s best when nicely matured, a bit like us lot.?
Do take care though, not more than a pint at a time.??

I got that spray stuff, soop. Worked a treat once I’d found the van keys to open the door. Phew, what a pong, nearly knocked me out, but I soldiered on and now everything’s tickety boo! (Better not risk the bratwurst though ?).
I’ll try some poteen now, need to get my strength back!

Menopaws Your hospitality is unsurpassed. Us lot from the kitchen will perch on the bar stools and quietly sample the poteen. If we should be unable to dismount (the stools) at throwing out time, please treat us gently. We do tend to get easily overcome when we're oot and aboot.

Don't worry that it's bubbling a bit, all part of the process I'm told

Soooop et al so good to see so many of you in the Argy, don't forget my secret stash of poteen for special visitors

Right, soop, I'll go and search some out now. Can't have everyone keeling over with the pong of the bratwurst! ?

Mapleleaf There's some stuff that you can spray over everything that pongs. I've seen it advertised on tele'. Grubby socks, when treated to a quick wiz, need no washing. I believe it costs a few bob in Poundsaver. Well worth the outlay.

Ooh, pork scratchings - yum! Can I have some too -the bratwurst has gone off, I couldn't find the keys to open the van and you know how hot it's been! ??

I do enjoy popping in for the occasional pint of bitter, pork scratchins and a good laff.

Low slung lemon, you could polish the floor with them while they're down there

Hans across the sea?
All Hans on deck, where are those boys anyway?Lazing about in the cellar I bet ( that was their first question here
‘Vhere iss das bier kellar’ or some such thing.)
Somebody go and give them a scrubbing brush each and a bucket of hot soapy water and tell them there is a prize for the cleanest pipes.

How very dare you!
Can I help it if my boobs are a bit low slung? The Admiral never complains btw he says there’s many a good tune played on an old fiddle.He isn’t wrong.

"I wanna hold your Hans" (not really meno don't get jealous)

"You need Hans to hold someone you are for". ...I'm on a roll now.

Many Hans make light work (don't know why I said that...must be slightly tipsy)

I'll lend you a couple of Hans maple but I want them back before midnight please

Ok, I’ll do what I can, Doodle
I’ll tell lemon if you like, Doodle, but she might be a bit upset. I think she’s hoping to set off a new fashion trend.

Will someone please tell lemon her boob tube is supposed to be worn round her boobs not her ankles sigh ? . Where did she get her fashion advice from, everyone knows white stilettos are so last year?.
maple, sorry you'll have to manage the unloading on your own. meno has locked all the Hans boys in he cellar with her and is refusing to let them out.

Hello everyone,
Sorry I’ve been away for such a long time but I’ve been stocking up on bratwurst for you. Are the Hans still there, they could help me offload it off the van into the Argy Bargy kitchen. Mind you, all this talk of pizza and port and rum and cat o nine tails is sending me into a tizzy. Now, where did I leave the van keys? ....

Very stylish Lemon

Just popped in for a quick one, my it’s hot today, am wearing my new sequinned boob tube and my short shorts ( should have waxed my legs really) with my white stilettos.
I do love my Summer clothes.
I’d like a white chocolate Magnum and a pint of Old Peculiar please.
The Admiral said he may be in today, so have dyed my hair a pleasing shade of Navy Blue in his honour.

The cat sounds like a bargain - grab it if you can. Sounds a bit wild - where did I put my lion taming costume? Last used when teaching post SATs year 6s!

Just the one Mrs Wembley (remember that)?