Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

Well, you are going to be in that cellar for a verrrrrrry (said in a Scottish accent) long time!!!
I hope you have plenty of rats pork scratchings and poteen.

Quick buffy this way. marydoll's all riled up. Let's hide in the cellar till she cools down. ..... might be a while, she's awfully feisty. ?

....and her men! (Aka the Captain and the Admiral)
Thank goodness the Air Marshal is away on a secret mission.? No man is safe!

Oh dear! Wha Daur Meddle Wi' Me?
Be afraid, be very afraid!
There is nothing worse than a wee angry ?Scotswoman, who has had her haggis nicked.

And as for the 12 pound baby, I think that may be a cousin of Geraldo that I haven't fully inflated yet

I don't think it's a haggis on marydoll's head lemon I ate that yesterday (the haggis not marydoll's head ?). I think it's a set of mouldy bagpipes from the cellar. The ferrets were using it as a toilet bed.

Come off it Marydoll.....the only black belt you have is your suspender belt!
Mind you Buffy she is a bit of a brawler and fights in the time honoured Scottish fashion, bare breasted with a 12 pound baby under one arm and a haggis wrapped around her head.?

Ooh buffy you are awful but I like you tee hee ?

Buffybee, just a minute there! You are obviously unaware that both the Captain and the Admiral are my paramours. ?
I have already had to warn the rest of the Argies off in the past!!! Once they found out that I was a black belt in everything, they backed off. Oh and I'm also a champion weightlifter, hence the bulging biceps.
I wandered where that cheap lipstick on their braid came from. .
As for the the Captain's missing wooden leg......... How could you?

I escorted the Admiral and Captain back to the ship, they had to crawl up the gangplank, safest option.
Didn't stop that Admiral from getting frisky though!
Salty Old Sea Dog! adjusts my corset and untwists my suspenders

I've been away on a dirty weekend with my very own captain of my heart but I am back now and delighted to see how clean it all is. I should go away more often.

? lemon!!

Where have Meno and Chewy gone? Hope they are not frequenting the Rat And Bottle again, we need their money, the best paying customers by a mile.
The Admiral and Captain are friends again, I have put them in our best chairs with a pint of cooking sherry each for the time being.Hope they manage to navigate the gangplank on their ship later, will somebody volunteer to see them home?
No? In that case they must take their chances.
We seem to be missing three ferrets, what was in those pies?

His. Yup buffy. Lovely day....fancy another ?

Seat a bit itchy you say! those little devils must be moulting again
This Poteen is going down well, is it Super Strength, I've added a touch of antifreeze, gives it a lovely colour.
The sausage rolls and pork pies have vanished. Is that why Jason is being sick in the corner.
What a lovely way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Just in time for me to pay a visit. Thanks Buffy. Seats a bit itchy though. Seems to be covered with lots of little hairs.
I leave your pint of poteen on the bar just get to it quickly before one of the others scoffs it. I've also left some sausage rolls and pork pies on the bar. They're not too far past their sell by date. Just scrape the mould off and they'll be fine. ?

Well someone had to do it Doodles!!
The Lav is now sparkling clean!
I polished it up with one of those varmits that run around the cellar, gave a nice shine! preens

buffy why are you wearing my knickers on your mouth (I wouldn't and I know where they've been ?) and you're wearing my motorbike goggles. I use those in my part time job cleaning the sewers I don't think I cleaned them last time I'm surprised you can see out of them with all that brown stuff on the outside. Oh well, each to their own. I'll buy you steal a pint of poteen when you're finished the bogs. ?Cheers!

I'll give you a hand Lemon, the Loo's need a good scrub.
A gallon of bleach should do it!
I'll get my wellies and Rubber gloves on and make a face mask out of these old knickers and a pair of goggles.
Right! I'm going in!

Haha Doodle see what being greedy brings?

Am in the bar early, as I want to give the place a good clean up, you wouldn’t believe how many bottles of disinfectant and bleach this place needs ( the customers can’t hold their drink....or food!)

Also thought I would take Jason for a walk, both of us could use the excercise, he’s getting a bit too fat with all the tidbits from the bar ( and I’m already fat.)

Noises from the cellar tell me that Big Jim is already hard at work ( don’t ask at what though!)
Only one customer half falling off a bar stool, it’s the Admiral of course, sozzled from last night on Lambs Navy Rum, I haven’t got the heart to chuck him out though.
Now, on with the cleaning, where’s me mop?

First in, free glass of crime de menthe please meno now for the pork scratchings yummy. Of I go.

Hiya, me again. Second person in so another free glass of creme de menthe and another bag of park scratchings. Fantastic idea this meno. Bye for now.

Here I am coming in again. Third glass of creme de menthe and another bag of pork scratchings please. He he bet you didn't think I'd do this eh meno. You have to be up early to catch me out. Ha ha.

Oh dear! I'm not feeling too good...in fact I feel a bit green ??. Can't think what could have caused me to feel like this......make way I need the loo...urgently ? ???

I'm feeling generous so the first three through the door tonight get a free creme de menthe and a bag of (out of date) pork scratchings, let's raise a glass to Geraldo

Oh my poor poor Geraldo.? What an end to a lovely relationship. Sob sob...I really need a drink to cheer me up ...hint hint #everhopeful

It's ok Meno I moved the bits of Geraldo from the ceiling fan and shoved the rest of him in the corner. Jason is looking happy lying on his new Geraldo bed.
I need a drink! Hard day down at the Sewage Works!
I'll have a pint of Old Stagger cider!
Hope I don't end up scrapping!