Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

Btw....innocent country girl here, what is nudge nudge wink wink? A new kind of lager?

Hi Ffin we have many regulars who like to vent, the stool at the end of the bar is yours for as long as you like
Commiserations on your hospital stint, you go girl...tell those docs how it is!
A pint of homebrewed poteen coming right up, and if you’re peckish, there is homecooked black pudding sarnies under the plastic dome, help yourself, it’s liberty hall here.

First time here and I’m argumentative. This is the place to vent, right?
Day 10 of hospital visiting, and I need a strong cocktail, pronto! This is to prevent me from dressing down a junior doc., who has not changed a messy cannula for 10 days.
Can any Halloween revellers rustle up a witch doctor, who’s likely to do a better job?
Don’t do ‘nudge, nudge, wink, wink’, but can be the grumbling, miserable old bugger at the end of the bar ?.

Shower first please Buffy !

All the decs are up, lighted pumpkins ( not my own ones, ahem) outside the bar door, foodie treats stored in the kitchen, new barrels on tap and cocktails ready to be shaken.
Hallowe’en here we come!
All broomsticks to be left behind the bar, can’t have patrons falling over them.

Big Jim can tap his own pipes. He can be a bit of a handful.
The last time I ventured down there, I didn't get out for a week.
I think Marydoll would be the best person to help him tap his pipes.
I'll have a swift afternoon snifter, a pint of Bacardi and coke should
fit the bill.
I've an afternoon shift at the Sewage Works, then I'll be back for our Halloween Nite.

Well really lemon I didn't quite like to mention it ? I can't imagine what they thought at M&S when you went for your bra fitting! I'm surprised you can stand up to be honest. Just prop hem up on the bar before you do yourself an injury.??

By the way, nobody has yet congratulated me on the size of my pumpkins! ??

Spinach punch is never a delight Meno not even the good stuff ( which yours, sadly isn’t.)
I have distributed the flyers all over town, so expect a good crowd in here tomorrow.
Will somebody help Big Jim in the cellar tonight? He needs a volunteer to tap his pipes with him.

What a lot of lightweights you are. The spinach punch is a delight, it just takes a bit of practice and careful timing. I'll buy you some quilted bog roll if that helps.

Nice idea Doodle! Let's hope there's a better selection than what we have tonight.
The Admiral is slumped in the corner with Jason licking his face and a few undesirables are holding up the bar.
None of them anything to look at.
I know!
Let's hand out flyers at the new gym and get some of those gorgeous hunks in from there.

buffy you've stolen my idea ?. I was going to come with a green face (not due to paint but I still haven't fully recovered from the spinach purée) ? Now I'll have to think of something else. ?
I know, I'll wear my slinky black cat leotard with a cat mask and whiskers. I can swoosh gracefully through the bar and with my long velvety tail I should be able to attract the attention of some of the more upmarket punters. Meow ?

But I'm going to paint my face green, like the Wicked Witch of the East and dig out my black lurex dress!
I'll bring some homemade Sausage Rolls -no-one will miss another ferret or two-.
I'll lock the Izal away, in case Meno tries to sell it for draught Guiness. -it smells better than the Guiness in here anyway-

Oh come on Buffy you can do a better Hallowe’een costume than that, you come into the bar every day as a toothless old crone, adding a hat won’t disguise you
Let’s not actually kill the bar patrons, so no Izal in the cocktails if you please!
I will bring some cheeses and pumpkin on sticks for nibbles,
And some rather heavy parkin ( you need two hands to lift it) what will others bring?

Well I'm getting my pointy hat on, taking my teeth out and coming as a "toothless old hag" hehehe!???
I've carved a few pumpkins Lemon and regarding the Scarey Cocktail, isn't San Izal black, we've got a couple of gallons left over from cleaning the Loo. Add a maraschino and voila!
Ooooo! I'm excited now!

What are we doing for Hallowe’en? There are enough natural cobwebs around the bar ( complete with resident spiders) and I spotted a bat flying around the kitchen last night, so really all we need are a few carved pumpkins.
It would be nice to offer our customers a spooky experience,
How about ten minutes in the cellar with Marydoll or
Doodle that would be scary enough for anyone! Heehee.
What about concocting a Hallowe’en cocktail?
Something green that glows in the dark perhaps, or jet black
(Liquerice?)

That Lav was spotless before you went in Doodle!!!
I'll have to get my Marigolds and wellies on again now you've eventually come out of there, although, I'll probably leave it a couple of hours.
I'll have a Poteen livener before I attempt it!
We're waiting for an emergency delivery of Industrial Strength San Izal. It's coming off your wages!!

Doodle here creeeping quietly into a corner very embarrassed. So sorry for the pong. It was the spinach wot done it. So sorry everyone. Thank you for the loo rolls Day6 so kind of you. Not sure if the Eu de Warthog was an improvement to the smell from the loo or not but nice thought. I will sit quietly here. I may never drink again. Ooh my poor bum....

You had a lucky escape there Day6 slumped over the bar stool like a wanton floozy.
I had to spray a couple of our sozzled old bar flys with your
Eau de Warthog to keep them at bay.
I'll have a pint of Scrumpy Jack and Black before Lemon gets here with her "unknown substance".

I do hope those old geysers propping up the bar didn't take advantage of me! I was liberally sprayed with EDW. (Eau d Warthog.) I'll have you know that Madam PomPom gave me her best silver-blue rinse and assured me I didn't look like a Smurf. She said if she stuck a silver badge on my blue bouffant and added a chin strap I'd pass as an officer of the law, so there! Do I detect a hint of jealousy?

One of your old boys did leer. I was well in there! He dribbled, his teeth fell out and he was just about to make a pass when he conked out from the whiff emanating from the loos! Very disappointing I must say. The rest of the night is a blur. Menopaws' spinach cocktail is the cause of all this. Is this to be expected again at the Argy? I was led to believe this was a high class establishment.

Yes Day6 I have to hold my hand up for that one, I dropped an unknown substance ( found in a small tin) in the cellar, in your last pint of lager and black.
The results are....interesting, shall we say? Your hair has turned blue ( or are you just back from Madame PomPoms down by the gasworks? Best hairdresser in this side of town.) You are also slumped over a bar stool in a very unnatractive position, although we are used to that here.
Has your speech gone completely yet? I must add a pinch of that stuff to the poteen!

Savvy is LAVVY. Wits is WOTS. I think the heady aroma in the bar is affecting my device. Or did someone spike my lager?

male. Sadly the only ones in tonight are comatose and slumped at the bar. Mind you, the last man standing has just collapsed. I think it's the whiff from the savvy wits doing it.....

Doodle, you brave soul. I have rolled a couple of bog rolls towards the lavvy. I am now enquiring ( very discreetly) if it's acceptable for new patrons to decline Menopaws' green slime punch? I am sure it's absolutely delicious but not the chaser I want after four pints of lager and black.

Theres quite a strong odour coming from the loo. I've sprayed my Eau de Warthog around generously. Not only an air freshener but a bit of an aphrodisiac for the chaps I suspect. I was told by the shop assistant flogging it off at £2:50 a bottle that it keeps the flies away too and is as good as mace if any of the make patrons get bit frisky. It's a fab all round purchase really. I can buy it in bulk, by the crateload if anyone's interested?

Well meno you know me, I'll try anything once. Come on pour me a pint of your puree. What harm can it do. I need something to jolt me out of my shock after seeing lemon's Beyoncé buttocks.?
Hmm. Quite nice. Very smooth and a lovely green colour. Not bad if I say so mys....................................... Ooh groan oh somebody help me.......ooooh .....get me more loo paper please ...........?????? help???

But the puréed spinach is one of your five a day so it's almost healthy