How do I tackle this? Help please.

I suggest you find out first of all if in fact you are paying all the utility bills etc. Make sure you’re not receiving any contribution for these bills. I would then have the necessary coversation and give them a notice period that you need them to contribute half after all they have half the house. You could say you’re now planning another stage in your life where you may need additional income to supplement any potential and future care needs etc. It’ll be hard for you to broach this subject but I would imagine your family will possibly have this at the back of their minds and it shouldn’t be such a shock to them. Good luck.

I think you need to be up front & straight forward , tell them that from now on they will have to pay a percentage of said bills. Decide in advance if you think it should be a half, a quarter or a third what ever, ( any contribution would be better than none) They should have no reason to be upset by this , you have already be more than accommodating.

Oh dear what a shock that must be !!!
Firstly I would make doubly sure that they have not been paying even a little something to your husband. Maybe cash payments and it's been swallowed up in the way that ready cash seemś to be.

Secondly try to find out if your husband told them you knew about it and it was agreed by the both of you that you would cover the bills , is he a big softee?

I hope you have a good relationship and can talk to them openly as it will make the conversation easier .
Is the holiday home in France in joint names too . Do you get to use it ?
Seems a tad selfish if you don't.
Good idea to wait until you have calmed down before opening dialogue to sort it out .If I were you I would spend the next day or 2 making notes of questions you need answers to so you don't have to keep going back to them with yet another question.
Good luck I think it's maybe going to be a bumpy road to travel but it will be worth it in the end as you can't afford to carry on doing that for the foreseeable future.

Eglantine is right of course. And so are you to wait and calm down a bit first!

It may be that the arrangement was one your OH offered and there is no question of them sponging or taking anyone for a ride. So hopefully no need to feel angry. Now that their own children are adults, presumably their outgoings are less, and they are getting contribution from their own AC.

If your OH is able discuss it with you, then that would have to be the first port of call, but if you are the one who will be having to make the books balance in the future then I think you should discuss it with your family next door and try to do so in a non-accusatory or angry way - I think Eglantine has the right approach above.

Good luck with all this, and with caring for your OH.

It sounds as though you will have to get your calculator out and work out how much they will have to contribute,might be an idea to do it before you speak to them?

How have you gifted half of the house to them? Is it 2 separate homes? I don’t understand how you can do that but you still have all the utilities under your name, especially as they had the money to buy a holiday home.

My concern is that they will say that they can’t afford it and then you will be upset and it will end badly.

When they first moved here, they were unable to sell their house and so had very little money at the time and I think that was why OH stumped up, but there was no agreement that this was going to be a permanent arrangement. As for making the house into two separate dwellings for Council Tax, that would increase the bill by hundreds of pounds. The utilities are not separate --- one boiler, one oil supply, one electricity supply, one water supply. one sewer, so no possibility of separate bills. OH can't remember what he had for lunch so there's no recall of what he might or might not have said many years ago!

Yes, give yourself a day or so to get over the shock.

Don’t assume there will be a row. If you do you will give out defensive vibes or even enter into the discussion a bit aggressively.

I wouldn’t say “look what I have found out. It isn’t right”.
I would let them think I always knew but that now times have changed. Something along the lines of “You know darling, it’s lovely to have you living so close and we’ve always been happy to pay the bills, but I’m afraid our money just doesn’t cover them any more.”

It was an arrangement that was probably very helpful to them when they had a whole family to support and lots of grandparents help out then. There’s a whole other thread about that! They probably think you’re still ok with the arrangement unless you say otherwise.

But everything is subject to change. You may need to pay for some care in the home in the not too distant future.

Do you have any other reason, apart from thoughtlessness, to assume they will cut up rough?

Have you discussed this with your OH or is his memory now too bad to do this? What was the agreement when they moved in and you signed over their half? Are the utility supplies separated off into different accounts or is there one for the whole house? You could contact the council and ask for bills to include their names as well or for the property to be reassessed as individual dwellings that way they will receive their own council tax bill! Once you have all the back ground I would try talking to them and say that you are sure that this was not their intention but it looks like you are paying all their bills! You could do this in a calm and factual manner. You need to try to make sure (before broaching the subject) that this is not something your OH agreed to as it will come as a nasty surprise to them that you are changing the arrangements now?

Could you suggest they take over some of the other bills as well as the phone bill so it is more equitably split? Tell them you are running low on funds and need to make it fairer. Do you have other children? Well done on waiting till you calm down.

No wonder you are so angry, but Wildswan has a good point, wait until you are calm.

Don’t forget it isn’t their fault that your DH let them live there for free! I don’t suppose they put up much of a fight but still, why would they refuse ?

The only problem I can foresee is if your DH told them that they would always live that way, however, you must tell them that times have changed and they have to contribute right away.

That's dreadful chicken. I think you are sensible to wait until you have come down off the ceiling, but you must speak to them about it. Just say to your DD that you will no longer be able to subsidise them to the tune of £x thousands a year and will no longer be paying their council tax, electric, or insurance. Cancel the appropriate direct debit or standing order payments straight away.

Don't justify yourself - keep repeating that you cannot do it any more and it's time they stood on their own two feet.