How do I tackle this? Help please.

If it’s an Agricultural Tie and no one has worked in the industry for 10 years or so, then you can apply to have the tie lifted.

Sorryour posts crossed?

I hope they at least pay for a TV Licence as you are over the age limit ?

Also any age related benefits you get might not be due to you, if you are sharing a house, rather than having a house that has been split into separate dwellings.

To clarify a few points, D and I are now tenants in common, OH having relinquished all legal rights to the property. The house was extended 20 years ago by building the wing in which OH and I live so that S2 and family could live here while managing the business. They have since emigrated and that's when D and family moved in. I have just found out that D pays a direct debit into OH's account, an amount which covers 50% of the council tax, so this still leaves us paying about £4000 or more in bills. I don't think either of us could sell up independently as the two parts of the house are not physically separate and in any case it's a tied property so would be difficult to sell. I would certainly not want to get involved in legal dispute--that way leads to disaster, and I don't want to take any action which would lead to a breakdown in relationship. Tricky!!!

I think Eglantine has the right idea. Tell them that funds are running low and you simply can't afford to continue paying these bills anymore. Maybe give them say, two months, notice for them to sort out their finances so they can make a fair contribution. In the long run it hasn't really done them any favours to avoid paying their way. It's a difficult subject to bring up, but bring it up you must. Good luck.

Also just a thought but your dh may wish to continue to help out dd and her family. His thoughts should be considered too.

There may only be one council tax bill for the whole property. Even if you advised the council your dd and family were living there you may still pay the same amount as it is per property not per adult person. All that may happen is they reclassify as 2 residences and charge your dd as well as you. If it is still one house there may only be one electricity supply for the property which you are paying. If that is the case you could ask your dd to contribute to the electricity bill. The same may apply to the water bill. If there is only one meter there will be one reading and one bill. Again you could ask your dd for a contribution to water bill. If you have legally gifted 1/2 of property to your dd then she could demand the house be sold and you would have choice but to move. You are wise to calm down first. I would go to see the CAB to find out how you might stand legally. You could always say to your dd you have given them a good help but you have little left and wish them to contribute a little more to bills to make it a more equitable arrangement. Good Luck.

wait until you are calm. Have half an hour free consultation with a suitable lawyer. this is so that you know your rights and what to do. also you will need every penny you have for care for your husband. If he went into a home it would seem 1/4 of the house is his and then might belong to the council etc. this is very complex so get a professional analysis of the situation before you start requiring that the correct payments are made to your by your daughter and son in law. So sorry you are in this situation. All the very best.

Maybe, if you don’t get the result you want after talking to them, you should consult a solicitor about the ownership of the house? I imagine they have a half share in the value of the house (shared ownership or something like that). Do you have Power of Attorney over your husband’s affairs? It sounds like a complete minefield. I do hope that the conversation does the trick.

It doesn't sound as if the house was converted into two homes so much as you giving them a half interest in the whole house.
If that is the case, then so far as the Council is concerned you will be jointly and severally liable or the whole council tax and there will be no reason from their point of view to change anything.
The services as well will be a joint and several liability so it is for you to reach agreement with them as to what is a fair and reasonable division.
I agree with Kittycat. Speak to Age UK. Show them the title deeds or agreements relating to their occupancy and the bills and ask their advice before doing anything. If they are not helpful, as advice agencies vary from place to place, speak to CAB or someone else who can tell you exactly where you stand. Hopefully you will be able to agree amicably but if not you will need someone to help with a more formal letter.

Eglantine is right - you need to sit down with your family and say that, because OH is now unable to deal financially with bills etc, you will have to work out a fair distribution of the costs of running the house and will be asking them to take a share of this cost. Are they inheriting the house eventually? If so might be wise to point this out to them and say that otherwise you might have to look at downsizing to be able to manage financially? I wouldn't refer to how long they have lived rent free - that is in the past - just point out that future bills need to be paid jointly because circumstances have changed for you and OH.

Not sure if my situation helps, but I'm in a Granny annex and I pay my daughter a set sum each month in cash, to cover bills such as council tax, gas, electric etc. We felt trying to work out the minutiae of exact amounts was too complex, and thus actually works well.
When you have the talk, may I suggest something similar, with a couple of months lead in to the changes. If they are landed with a demand for the full figure each month straight away, the will kick up a fuss for sure. Good luck.

My husband surggestions you ask Age Uk for help to sort this out.

One question crosses my mind, what happens if house has to be sold? Is there a legal agreement gifting half the house to them? Whose name is on the deeds?

This is going to need careful handling

Yes, a calm chat saying that you had no idea that you were paying for all the bills, and explain your financial situation and concerns. As Fennel suggested, say that you may have to sell the property as you cannot sustain the situation. I so hope that you have a good relationship with them, that this will not develop into a row .... if so, stay calm and reiterate that this in not all about them, your feelings and needs are of equal importance. Maybe they could now reciprocate and take over all the bills and help you out, as they will have been fully aware that you have paid all of theirs. Good luck ..

I had a similar situation with my dad and it became a legal minefield and family disaster. People who have had something for nothing are loathe to relinquish that. He had shared house with my sister, paid half of everything while her children were small, when they were all grown up, he was a pensioner subsidising 5 well paid adults by paying half their bills.

It ended very badly for all concerned and the legal costs of resolving things were astronomical.

You may get a council tax exemption for part of the property if it falls within a granny annexe arrangement.

I would approach it from the point of view that if care becomes an issue everyone needs to know where they stand financially.

I think this needs to be addressed calmly and firmly. You should not have to pay for their lives but until you address this nothing will be resolved.Good luck and I wish you well.

We shared a house with my DM for a number of years and divided the bills because although we had separate boilers we had only one meter so I understand that the bills can be a bit guesswork.
I hope we were fair to her. Circumstances do change and you will always need to reassess your needs.
Life is expensive when you are bringing up children and relatively easier when you are older.and have all you need.
Are your DD and SIL helping you with decision making now that DH is too old I wonder. If not, could they?
I hope this tricky situation is resolved without rows.

I completely agree that you need to leave this a few days. I am somewhat astonished that you didn't know about this, which suggests that you did not have an overall view of your finances until now.

I would suggest considering the following:
how much help do you get (or can expect ) from them? Upsetting them may disrupt the relationship when you can ill afford it.
Consider exactly, in day-to-day terms what you mean by 'comfortably' and 'little to spare'. How will this change if/when you have to pay for your DH's care, and how will your finances change on his death?
How may this impact on your grandchildren?
Are there other children to consider?
How are your wills worded?

You appear to have left the financial decisions to your DH (apologies if I have misunderstood) - that to me means tacit agreement with his decisions. All couples divide such chores between them, but it does mean you go along with what the other one does / has done. Now may not be the time to change something that should have been discussed some years ago.

How much can you discuss this with your DH now? Even if his memory is poor and he can't grasp details, he may still have a good idea about why he made that decision.

I suggest that when you feel able to have a good conversation, you set out to your family what your financial concerns are. I have a feeling that they may be more amenable to 'now I have to think about Dad's care...' rather than 'I disagree with what Dad did, it's going to change now I'm in charge!'. But of course, you will know the best approach. Then ask them to think about what they think would be reasonable.

I do hope it can be resolved.

If they tell you that they are still short of money you could suggest that they sell the holiday home in France because to me that is a luxury, especially as they are paying for next to nothing.

What a dilemma chicken but you have to have this out with your DH, and then talk sensibly about it to the AC telling them you didn’t realise what had been happening and you now can’t afford to keep it up, much as you would like to ( even if that’s not exactly true.)Hopefully they will see this is only fair.

Hi Chicken, I'm sure you're doing the right thing by waiting until you're calmer before talking to them. Your OH sounds as if he's been very generous in the past, perhaps he didn't like to ask them for money after the initial time. And of course they never offered which was not very good of them.

Whatever has happened in the past, you don't want a big family upset now if possible, especially as your OH isn't in great health.

I think you have to calmly say you've been checking the finances as you now have to deal with all this. Say you are in a worse financial situation than you realised, and can no longer pay their half of all bills.

Tell them how much it all amounts to. I would ask for a monthly direct debit from them to you for at least half the council tax and water rates, as these figures are known 12 month ahead. Then either they pay half of every other months bill, or you get a second meter installed and divide the house up.

I don't suppose they will like it, but tough. They've been very very lucky for some years.

What happens if you wanted to sell your part of the house?

From when it will change, I mean. In other words give them a bit of notice of when the new agreement will be implemented.

I think people will often resist paying for something that they've had for free for years, so I think you have to be firm and assertive.

I'd describe (give the facts) about how it's been without making a judgement, then say that the arrangements are to be different in the future (no need to say why) and from when...

Good luck.

At your time of life (we're nearly at that stage) why not tell your family that you're thinking of downsizing and want to sell. The house sounds as if it would be valuable enough for your share to cover a smaller place.
You would need to get legal advice on how to do this if half the house is legally gifted to them.