Somehow I DON'T think that's what you meant!

Anyone else suffer from condescension on their windows?

I laughed out loud at a van I saw at our local fish market, the numberplate was W I I ELK but they had put a dark screw between the two Is, brilliant and so clever

My friend once said she didn't like her new neighbour as she was a bit erotic! Then in the supermarket I overhead a girl asking for "automatic duck". She meant aromatic duck.

I think that spelling errors are often funnier? than malapropisms.

I had a friend who told me that her mother was to have a vasectomy. Seeing as she had,of course, got breast cancer I just had to sympathise - certainly couldn't have corrected her at such a time.

I was in the bedroom tidying up one morning and exclaimed that I had just found my “nirty dickers” under the chair!

I was assessing a first aid at work course and one of the students told me they were going to perform pelvic thrusts if back slaps didn't work to remove a foreign object.

Abdominal thrusts I think he meant but perhaps the pelvic ones might have worked just as efficiently.....

Many years ago my friend ordered prawns in a restaurant and asked the waiter if they could take the testicles off. She meant tentacles.
She also asked someone with an arm amputated at the elbow if their condition was genital !!!

Bisto not bistro

Looking after the sheltered housing tenants and also the bar in a nursing home I hear a lot of funnies. I realise this is not a joking matter as these are very elderly and often dementia or stroke affected people whom I respect completely.
However one of my tenants had a stroke many years ago and lived independently quite happily but was left with completely the wrong words for almost everything but always said in a proper sentence and with great confidence. Once he spoke he would often laugh and apologise and try again. I quickly learned how to understand him, in fact I was always called to interpret by others. The pleasure was in getting what he was trying to say and he was always grateful.
However, when I was new, he came up to the bar and ordered a pint of bistro and a packet of green sausages!
What he really wanted was half a lager and a packet of cheese and onion crisps, of course!
He died recently but for nine years we have had daily conversations along similar lines which amuses others as I don't flinch , For instance he asked for his newspaper once and I said, yes of course, salt and vinegar or cheese and onion?!

I had a colleague who used to announce she would be sending a memo, but pronounced it meemo. In the end we were all saying it and keeping a straight face!

A work colleague of mine years ago when handing over details of clients said "you must be sensitive with Mr X, he's got old timers disease"

We had a referral come into work one day (I work in Children's Services) because the referrer was requesting support for a young person who suffers from Asparagus Syndrome.

We think he mean Asperger's!!

My mums sister had a very narrow little life with a controlling partner for years.
After he died, she plucked up courage to go on the bus to the hairdressers.
She kept in mind what she wanted, and kept repeating it in her mind during the journey.
When she got to the salon she blurted out that she wanted a "wash, cut, and blow job".

At work I wanted to tell the Principal that I'd had a letter from France. Unfortunately, I said, "I've just received a French letter in the post."

My great aunt had a neighbour who had a stroke and lost his speach . She said it was so sad he could not comute with her any more .
Daughter had a painter and decorator who remarked that she had a didilo rail.

Grannyb

I used to go around the country dressing windows. Everything we needed for the window was sent on before so it was all supposed to be there when we arrived. On this occasion the big roll of felt that we used to cover the walls of the window hadn't arrived so my colleague walked in to the nearby department store and asked "Can I get felt in here!"

You can imagine the reply she got!

Good Saturday afternoon chuckle!

And in a maths class about measurement when a child asked about pubic centimetres.
No idea what he wanted to measure!

I worked with a lady once who arranged to meet someone at the Intercourse Centre. What she meant was the Transport Interchange Centre.

Or a reference by elderly friend to pubic assistance

Love this! I want a lady boy chair

And then there was the ex colleague who was describing the beautiful fish tank her friend had, which was full of erotic fish.

Someone commented on a very poignant video on Facebook with "That is so heart rendering"