Are you any good at keeping secrets?

People confide things in me all the time and know that what we have discussed will not be revealed to others by me.

The thing that drives me to distraction at times is when someone confides in me and makes a big show of saying no-one must know and it then becomes patently obvious that they've told a whole host of others the very thing I've been asked to keep confidential.

. adjective [ADJECTIVE noun] [verb-link ADJECTIVE]

If something is secret, it is known about by only a small number of people, and is not told or shown to anyone else.
Soldiers have been training at a secret location.
The police have been trying to keep the documents secret.

I've always been good with secrets but am really troubled with any knowledge that subsequently puts me in the position of needing to lie to others. I prefer not to be told (unless of course the teller is in genuine need of help or advice).

I like to think I keep confidences.
I am grateful to a close friend to keeping me up to speed with a situation that I (for very serious reasons) need to know. This person does find it hard to relay stuff but they do this because they WANT to because they feel it's right and NOT because I've ever asked them.

I am blooming rubbish at keeping them. But also. If you have blabbed your secret to someone, then get cross at them for blabbing to someone else. It’s just the same. Keep it to your yourself!

Yes very well put CardiffJaguar,I hadn’t thought about that distinction before. I will keep that in mind if ever in a relevant position.

Sadly the whole premise here is wrong. The only secret is the one NOBODY else knows. Once a second person knows then it is no longer a secret; the originator has given up the information and no longer has full control of it.

If you stop to think a bit about this you will remember many instances where supposed secrets have been used and/or revealed. Can you keep a secret? Whose secret? What you have is a confidence, not a secret.

As teachers we have to make clear to a young person who discloses something that we cannot keep it secret if they are unsafe in any way. You can see why. It sounds as if this wasn't a concern in your case but just thought it was a point worth making.

Instances of abuse, for example,shouldn't be kept secret. Otherwise, my lips are sealed.

We should all be wearing our halos. ?

The only secret I can't promise to keep is when a child 'discloses' These are secrets you have to tell but the child is always warned in advance. As compensation I suppose I always keep any other secret I'm told, like someone else said It's not my secret to tell!

Having done a counselling course, we were always advised to keep the client's personal disclosures confidential (of course) ...once had a married man who confessed he was in lover with a man and was seeing him on a regular basis and had not told his wife ! a difficult one, that ! Have only ever disclosed a confidence to someone once .....a lady was suicidal because of money problems, and selling her house to buy another ......her work was suffering and she was threatened with dismissal. This happened in the office I worked it, and I did know the person she worked for had discussed with HR that he would have to dismiss her as her work was suffering ....after long consideration, I went to see the Director of HR and told them, in confidence (!) .....they were able to talk to her, arrange a briding loan to cover the gap between sale and purchase of her house, at no interest (this was a large City firm of accountants) and she was no longer under threat of dismissal. They said they were glad I told them (she never knew I told them).........and her boss said her work was back on track ! I did wonder if I should have broken her confidence, but I was glad I did

Samaritans can't tell anyone anything, not even husband/wife/partner...no-one.

If anyone proposes telling me a secret I make it clear (politely) that I don't want to know.
A secret is a secret no more if it's shared. I don't like gossip.

They say that the best way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself! I'm pretty good with secrecy and I make sure that I say nothing to 'blabbermouth' as it most definitely wouldn't stay secret for long.

I’m like elfie, if someone wants to share a secret with me I make sure that they are aware that I never keep secrets from my husband but that we will both keep that secret sacred. If I couldn’t share worrying or dramatics secrets with my husband I may well blurt it out if I’m troubled, so he is a safety net.

Having just browsed answers, I see I am just another who never betrays a confidence. Funnily enough I remember being told a couple they were getting married, I was only about 8, they did not want people to know so I did not say anything. After they were married they were really surprised I had not told even my mother! I was really surprised they thought I would give away a secret.

In counselling we have to go to the appropriate help if we learn a life is at risk, either the client or another, and if a child is at risk. We also have to report a threat of terrorism. But then I'm sure anyone would! We may or may not tell the client according to whether this would exacerbate the problem. Everything else is confidential.

I never share secrets. Whilst I was working, my younger contemporaries of both sexes would share their secrets with me, confident in the fact that I would keep my lips sealed but even more buoyed in the knowledge that there was a fair chance of me forgetting what they had told me in the first place!

I have to be quite good at secrets from DH as he's the world's biggest blurter. Nothing major, though, just things like DSil planning a surprise for my DD and asking me to pickup DGS from school. If I told DH it wouldn't last long as a secret, so I have to keep quiet until very near the event.

I am regularly trusted with 'secrets' but always make it clear that I don't keep secrets from my husband, so if they don't want me to tell him , please don't tell me.
It does help a lot to be able to discuss any worries about the situation , and we never pass any information any further .

Some time ago a friend told me that my partner had made an unsuccessful pass at her but told her not to tell me. I'm eternally grateful to have been told the truth - which he kept very well hidden. Needless to say I'm not with him now!

I find it amusing if, once a friend has confided in me, to be sat with people who discuss the situation and think ‘they know’. But they don’t & it’s not for me to put them right!

Yes I agree it is a weird pact. Offering great relief to the teller and none to the told. It’s fine if you are told a secret that no one else cares about. Eg a friend of mine often swears me to secrecy which is not a problem as we have no shared associates. Who’d want to know so I feel very noble over nothing. However I am slightly involved in a strange family secret, I was told by a cousin that another cousin was terminally ill as was her husband but they did not want anyone to know. Months later I got phoned by another cousin in error and I asked how this other cousin was and she divulged heart rending story of them both coping so bravely both on chemotherapy. I acted as if I knew nothing. Bit point is the sick cousin was my best friend when we were 15, never close to the others as they are older (it matters at that age). So I would quite like to send her and husband get well cards as she was always fond of sending me cards... but feel a bit trapped. Btw all these cousins live near each other hundreds of miles away from me.
I don’t think I ever tell confidences to people that it isn’t obvious how far it should be shared.things like tact and manners etc if you don’t trust that in your confidant then they shouldn’t be one.
I could send a card saying the second cousin told me without mentioning the first who told me in secret?
On the whole I think secrets are a ploy.

Please be careful. If placed in same position as OP these days, you can be prosecuted for not reporting certain 'secrets' to a Child Protection person. Of course I understand, but it's sad that once a confused under-16 finds an adult to trust, the adult has to start the conversation with 'You realise that if you tell me certain things, I have to report this conversation'.

My sister told me a sinister scary tale about a teenage girl known to us and swore me to secrecy. It was shocking at the time and indicated she was quite a fearless girl. I wish she hadn't because in time she forgot the tale as her memory failed her and the girl is a very respectable grandmother now. I like her a lot but I still can't look at her without remembering ...... what does it matter now. I think I can keep secrets but I would rather not know them.