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For our mothers on Mothering Sunday.

(17 Posts)
morethan2 Fri 09-Mar-18 22:50:42

My mum died in 1977. She was 47 I was just 24. Her life was short and difficult. I realise now that I only knew her as my mother, not as a women. I was still in that selfish phase of life. I wish she’d lived longer so I could have got to know her better.
I just want to say I understand you better now, I appreciate all you did for me. I know you loved me and I love you still. You live on through me, your grandchildren and your great children. I know you would have loved them too. Thanks mum R.I.P

stella1949 Sat 10-Mar-18 05:58:47

I can understand - we all seem to appreciate our parents long after they have gone. Maybe it would help if you researched her family history , and anything you can find out about her. On the 100th anniversary of my Dad's birth, in 2014, I researched his life and wrote a short booklet about him for his great-grandchildren. I was really cathartic for me - despite having nobody to ask, I was able to find out a lot about him and to paint a picture of him for his young descendants. Good luck to you .

Fellowfeeling8 Sat 10-Mar-18 07:08:16

My mother died when she was 61 and I was 29. She was ill for a very short time and it was a terrible shock. She was a very good, not perfect (not sure that’s possible) mother remarkable as she hadn’t had good mothering herself. Now 38 years later I no longer think of her every day but for years I did. Will think about her tomorrow and honour her memory with love.

Willow500 Sat 10-Mar-18 07:29:39

My mum died in 2012 aged 92 so I was very lucky to have had her all those years although sadly she spent the last 4 of them in care with dementia and no longer knew me so I really 'lost' her when she was 89 or so. I agree it's only as you become an adult yourself in later years that you appreciate your parents as people in their own right. I have many photos of her and my dad to look at and also several older cousins who knew them as a younger fun loving couple and remember them with affection. She'd had a very difficult childhood which affected her all her life and lost her own much loved mother when she was just 21. Never demonstrative with hugs and kisses I still knew she loved me and we had many happy days as a family and also the two of us together out shopping every week. I will also think about her tomorrow and my MIL too who passed away 8 years ago last week who was also a lovely person.

Stella I think the idea of writing a book about your dad is wonderful - maybe an idea I will follow when I retire.

Auntieflo Sat 10-Mar-18 07:40:45

morethan2, that's beautiful. Thank you. My mum died in 1991, I was 49. She had just become a great grandma, and did not get to know her GGD beyond the first few months of her life. I love my mum dearly. She learned to be a mum, through trial and error, as her own mum died when she was only 8, and was brought up by an aunt, who was never kind to her. Mum and dad had been married 9 years before I came along, and so I supposed I was indulged, shall we say, and I was not an easy child. Love you mum, always did, always will.

Witzend Sat 10-Mar-18 08:17:49

My mother died at 97, having had dementia for about 15 years. She was a most pitiful wreck for her last few years, so we couldn't be too sad when Nature finally decided to let her go. She would have been 100 this year.

One thing she did (pre dementia) which was a great comfort to us, was to write us a letter which was kept with her will etc., to be opened after she died.
It was like having her old self back again - something we'd almost forgotten after so many years of dementia.
I will certainly remember and think of my 'old' mother even more tomorrow.
And the letter is something else I will try to remember to do for dds while I'm still with it!

lemongrove Sat 10-Mar-18 08:25:21

My Mother died when I was in my 20’s, and I feel the same as you morethan2 and fellowfeeling8 it would have been lovely to have had her around to see her grandchildren.
On the other hand, having seen what friends are going through with very old parents suffering from dementia, well, I wouldn’t have wanted that fate for her either.
I will think of her in Mothers Day, as always.

sodapop Sat 10-Mar-18 08:29:18

My mother died in 1974 aged 75. My parents adopted me against their families wishes as I was illegitimate. My mother was estranged from her family because of this, I didn't understand how hard this must have been and what she gave up for me for many years.

henetha Sat 10-Mar-18 10:08:07

I've had 2 mothers, one natural, one adoptive. Sadly they are both dead. I don't think I ever appreciated what they both went through on my behalf. I wish I had asked more questions while they were still here.

hildajenniJ Sat 10-Mar-18 10:28:39

My mother died in 2013, she was 89. Her last few years were uncomfortable and trying for her. She suffered from COPD, her lungs were probably damaged from years of smoking although she stopped when she was 50.
She left a handwritten family history. One day I will have it typed up properly, as her writing is rather difficult for anyone else to read. It will be interesting for future generations.

NonnaW Sat 10-Mar-18 10:43:23

My mother died in 1987, just about a month short of her 65th birthday. I was 33, was glad she hadn’t suffered (it was sudden), and also that she had got to know 8 grandchildren (not all mine!) but sad she didn’t meet her last granddaughter (my niece) who was born later that year.
I miss her still.
Is it silly of me think about the age thing, as I am 65 later this year? I was the same before both my sisters reached that age, and was relieved when they safely saw that birthday.

janeainsworth Sat 10-Mar-18 11:21:14

Thank you morethan2. You expressed what clearly many of us feel, beautifully. flowers

ginny Sat 10-Mar-18 12:40:23

Think of my Mum every day and see something of her in each of my three DDs. She died 25 years and 2 days ago at the age of 68, very suddenly. Loved her very much and hope I have been and am as good a Mum as she was. Only wish she could have seen her Grandaughters past their early childhood, she loved them so much.

Sar53 Sat 10-Mar-18 14:04:57

My mum died in 2008 aged 79 just months before her first great grandchild was born. She had dementia and was in a pitiful state when she finally died. I miss her and think about her all the time. She would have loved knowing her five great grand daughters.
I will remember her with love tomorrow.

Grammaretto Sat 10-Mar-18 14:49:08

My mother died 10 years ago after a long and vivid life which spanned 2 world wars and many personal ups and downs. I still sometimes start dialling her number by mistake when I want to share something with her which would surprise her or make her smile. I know I still can because one thing she left us with was to remember that love lasts forever.

merlotgran Sat 10-Mar-18 15:34:01

I will think of Mum tomorrow when I fill her favourite blue and white jug with daffodils and whatever else I can find in the garden.

I always take a photograph and put it on facebook so the rest of the family can see it and share in the memories.

Cherrytree59 Sat 10-Mar-18 16:54:36

Thank you morethan2 I can only echo your thoughts and sentiments

My mum died in 1988 aged 54
I was 29
My Mum waited until my sister turned 21 before she gave up the good fight.

RIP Mum ?