What on Earth can we talk about?

Yes, very true, Jalima, and I think it’s me that’s got it wrong. Perhaps I feel guilty for sitting and doing nothing - silly, really! Probably I have been conditioned into thinking that we always have to occupy ourselves with something, which really isn’t true, but oh, so hard not to do. ??

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

William Henry Davies

Yes, nfk my DH will sometimes just sit and stare into nothingness, too. (He's not retired yet, by the way). This sitting and staring drives me crazy! Is it a man thing, I wonder - my Dad was the same? ?I find it impossible just to sit and stare. I have to be doing something whilst I'm sitting!

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits" as AA Milne put it.

We do chat a lot - about food, politics, the kids, religion, the neighbours, etc, etc, but also do have the long companionable silences when we’re just doing stuff.

DH though, has the ability to do and think nothing at all. Nothing. Just sit there. I got a bit concerned about this as I’m unable to do this nothing. Something is always going around in my brain, but he says he can sort of go into a box and think of nothing. Is this meditation?

I have been reflecting and realise that when I am visiting the DDs I probably talk far too much perhaps as compensation for being quiet at home. (Hattie doesn’t contribute much to the conversation) but yes when Paw was alive we didn’t talk a lot although what we had read in the paper etc might prompt a discussion or doing the crossword together. “Companionable silence” was actually lovely but it’s not ideal when eating out as most restaurants seem geared to the slower pace of a meal + conversation.
Note to self, I must guard against “prattling”

In my case the problem is denied.

Hello Monica. Yes he (reluctantly at the time) had hearing aids fitted some years ago and they do help enormously but it's still hard-a result of being a (very talented) art student in the 60s playing VERY LOUD music while he worked.

newquay, I recognise the reptition, although nowhere as bad as your problem. Fortunately we do a lot of our talking over a table or face to face in other ways, so that makes it easier.

It is strange how talking much louder than is natural stilts language and makes conversation difficult.

Dare I suggest it, has he considered a hearing test and hearing aids or is he denying there is a problem?

Pamela J I have to insist DH makes a mental agenda of things to talk about if we're out on our own and football doesn't count! The deafness is a problem too. . . everything has to be repeated until he finally hears and says "there's no need to shout!"? So a gentle "fancy a cuppa" moves from gentle through several stages to a shouted " do you want a drink?".

When DH retired he complained that I hardly ever spoke to him.
I was used (when not looking after my
DGC ) to spending time quietly on own.
Suddenly there was a constant presence.
that wanted to chat.

I would move from room to room only to be followed and asked if was ok or did a I want a cuppa etc etc.
It nearly drove me nuts!

The problem was that as part of his working life DH spoke to numerous people through out the day and wasn't used to silence.

Two years have passed, in the blink of an eye
DH has interests and a photographic hobby.
He has put all our family photos on to the computer and is at present uploading videos from when our children were young.

I have my own interest.

So now we have a mixture of companionable silences and interesting chats.

We do have spells of companionable quiet but also find lots to talk about. All of the above as mentioned by previous posters.

Also, we look forward to the quiz programmes at 4pm and The Chase at 5pm and try to beat the contestants. This certainly provides lots of enthusiasm.

I spent the afternoon decorating the landing. When I came down when I finished we started discussing when to take the landing carpet up and take it to the tip, from there we moved onto the opera DH is currently directing and that problems with his neck have affected his voice and his singing days are probably over. We then moved to the class I am doing. I am studying George Eliot's book, Middlemarch, which led onto a discussion about the social difference between physicians and surgeons when the book was written, which led to a discussion on the problems with the engineering project he is now working on. Now there is silence he is dealing with work emails and I am on Gransnet.

grannya - had to ?. I noticed this years ago. now when we go out to eat as a couple I have an agenda and save a few topics to discuss. Do you think others think we are having an affair?

Oh dear, kitty, still I expect that Ikea is just at the bottom of your street?

Dh and I have just had an extremely interesting conversation about taking a toy chest back to Ikea after I added 50mm to 60cm and got 110 cms and when we got home the blasted thing wouldn't fit the available space.

ga, that's lovely, ahh. We've had quite a conversation this afternoon about which heater to buy, so that if/when our heating completely packs up, we can keep luke warm. Then comes the swearing, discussion because every bloomin one we picked is out of stock

When our eldest son was in his late teens he came home from his new part-time job as a waiter in a local restaurant and insisted on a group hug with his rather bewildered parents.
He then explained to us that after several shifts at the restaurant he realised that as parents we were the exception rather than the rule; he said the majority of middle-aged couples he served had absolutely nothing to say to one another or simply sniped at each other the whole time and he'd realised how lucky he was to have parents who were still able to have interesting conversations.

He’d probably say that it was fine, and then claim that you’d mumbled and he didn’t hear you properly

Perhaps tell him you are thinking about getting a tattoo, & would he think about having a matching one, but remember to keep a straight face .?

Jalima ?

tanith I must remember the spring onion joke to tell DGS

When I said to an old friend of mine that DH and I were going out for a meal she said 'What on earth do you find to talk about ?' The answer is plenty, we are lucky. They only goes on holidays with groups as she says they no longer have anything to talk about, how sad.

I am usually a friendly person but on occasions I say to DH 'I am not in the mood to talk to anyone today, but I will talk to you'. ?

Personally, I think you can say what you like, chances are he won’t remember what you have said, even if he was listening in the first place.
Reminds me of a joke where a couple are in a car, the chap is very quiet and the girl spends the 2 hour car drive, thinking that she has done something wrong, she runs through several scenarios in her head and concludes that he wants to leave her.
The chap has spent 2 hours thinking about servicing his car and where he can get it resprayed.

I would like a little more conversation but, on the other hand, who wants to keep talking all the time? Sometimes I see people yap yapping on their mobile phones and I wonder what on earth they find to talk about for so long.

What I do find a bit upsetting is that, although we have similar views of the world and political issues, our interests are very different. It would be nice to mention a book, film or artist and have at least the semblance of an interested response!