Problems with the Mother in Law?

To be clear. It is mothers-in-law and the shortened plural is MiL as the 's' in mothers is not added after the letter 'L'.

MiL was lovely My Dils are lovely too.
I had a good role model.

I thought I got on well enough with my MIL but after the birth of DD1 I found out that she had told one of my Aunts that I was a spoilt child. I couldn't work out where that had come from and was very upset, however, she showed no interest in my daughter, we saw little of them and there were no fallings out. After she died I found out she had a very hard early life and my early life, well cared for but no money, must have looked idyllic.

My MIL was I later learned from a very disfunctional family, born in the country until she met and married FIL who dragged her to London just after her mother committed suicide , she'd hardly ever left her Norfolk village before. In London she was thrust into the middle of his large loud cockney family with no clue how to behave among them pregnant and totally naive it must of been horrendous for her.
When I married her son I thought she was weird ,standoffish and disliked me intensely all of which proved untrue she just had no clue how to make friends or rear children. I only made friends with her after FIL died and became the only person caring and helping her sadly she died just before Christmas a very sad and lonely lady.

My daughter's MIL, hence the other Granny to my grandson, was my best friend. Sadly she died suddenly - heart attack. But I can honestly say that when my DGS was ill as a baby I was so glad my daughter had her husband's mum living nearby as I live 200mile away. I did not feel jealous and other Gran and I would talk for hours on the phone. I could not bear Christmas without her. I realise how lucky I was.

My MIL is great - we are like sisters (fight like cat and dog, but at the end of the day we're crazy about one another!). She looks amazing, and pretty young for her age (85), but not in the best of health and I'm dreading the day when we will, inevitably, lose her.

My mil lived a way away so we did not see much of her. It's only now I realise what she put up with from me. I can understand now why she made me clean out her oven - this was when to tide us over at one point we moved in with her for several weeks, with our 4 kids all under 6 - my hair stands on end thinking about it. I hardly knew her at the time as we had been living abroad. She was a very tidy person and I was quite the opposite. There was never a cross word but after a few weeks dh said it had been suggested we rent somewhere while we got sorted out, which we did. So let's say the relationship was polite on both sides.

My first MIL mistook me on the phone for my mother and said, very rudely, "she could come from anywhere!" - she was a tremendous snob, and even though my parents were established MC she never liked me. My second one refused to acknowledge my marriage, as she was devout (?? like Christ would have made her decision?) RC and deemed her son still married to his first wife. My 3rd and last MIL was lovely, and so I reckon it's partly the luck of the draw. Having said that, husbands 1 & 2 didn't exactly win prizes while my current husband of 25 years is a gem, so maybe the MIL has a direct effect on the son. I wonder what my DIL thinks of me? (We get on well ... but have nothing but my son in common.)

*loving

I was married twice and can honestly say that I have had 2 lovely MIL’s ! We spent time together and had many laughs along the way. While still married both women were very supportive and even told their respective sons off when they thought they were in the wrong. Obviously once divorced, their loyalties were with their sons and rightly so. I in turn now have lovely relationships with my 2 DIL’s plus SIL. So I class myself as very fortunate and feel so very sorry for people who have unresolved issues.

I pray I'll be a great MIL one day. Supportive, living and respectful of their boundaries. I pray to never bad mouth my DILs to anyone, including family. I'm living in the moment. Enjoying each minute with my children, I want to see them grow into well functioning adults who can live their own lives according to what feels right for them, not me.

I loved my mother-in-law dearly. Was much closer to her than my own mother and was with her when she died. I still miss her 20 years later.

My MIL was weird - she didn't like my FIL much and once hit him on the head with a frying pan. They lived separate lives in the same house. She had nothing to do with us or our children but apparently on her death bed told my OH (by this time my ex) that she had 'made a mess of my life' which she had. I think she had a mental illness of some sort. Sad but I got on okay with FIL and he enjoyed time with his grandchildren and saw them into their adulthood.

bed!!

My MIL had a brain like a planet (first class honours degree from the Sorbonne - quite something for a woman in those days!) and was mad as a hatter! Completely barking!

Sister Monica Rose (?) on Call the Midwife reminds me if her - slightly on another plane and forever quoting chunks of literature in assorted languages. Without my A-level languages I would not have had a clue what she was talking about most of the time!

I only once left her to look after my two DDs, and when I returned DD2 had just one long plait rather than the two she had when I left. MIL had no idea how/when it happened - and had not even noticed!

She never gave cards or presents, except on one occasion when DD2 was about 5 and we were at their place the day after, and she gave her a book about the Queen Mother (!) and a card unwritten and still in its bag from Smiths - handed it to DD and said "I have not written in it - I thought you would like to put what you want."!!!!! I expect you are getting the picture.

She was pretty harmless, until she took to the bottle and when she visited I had to make sure she was not smoking in bad whilst inebriated.

Now don't get me off on the subject of FIL!!!!

Nonnie MILs are not an identical mass, all individuals ....so how can you say its MILs just because of your experience. I got on well with my MIL partly because we worked at building a relationship! I am now a MIL! Both people in a relationship have to work at it a bit. Without that it wont happen!

My mother in law died many years ago. She disliked me at first sight My DH had been going out with a girl for a few years before (who left him for someone else). MIL had loved the other girl who by all accounts was chatty, outgoing and mixed in very well with all the relatives. I on the other hand was shy, unwordly and, having come from a disfunctional family, had no idea how to behave with 'normal' people. She took my shyness as me being unfriendly and difficult.

The first words ever spoken to me (over the phone) by the woman who later became my MiL were, "He has no money, you know, if that's what you think"!
They were a well-to-do family, so obviously I had to be a gold digger in her mind (although i already knew that as the younger son and irresponsible black sheep of the family, my future OH no longer shared that wealth).

As it happened, we never lived near her so contact was quite limited, fortunately. She was a women of strong opinions, who could be embarrassingly outspoken too, and she had a mean streak that got worse with age. To be honest, I was terrified of her for many years!

Opps I think it is mothers in law.

My MiL found it hard to let her little boy go. She was 41 when he was born which was very late in those days. She and FiL led quite narrow lives which was probably normal in those days and I was not a local girl who FiL felt had taken away a job from a local. However, we rubbed along until after the wedding and then got on a lot better. I think that once she accepted that he had left she found it much easier. She died 6 months after our wedding and I was the one who treated her as though she had a future in the days when no one used the word cancer and no one had told her she was dying. FiL never understood the way we lived but loved us all anyway and we got on very well.

Mine was definitely an Outlaw, still is.

And, if divorced, is it Mothers Out.Law?

Or is it Mother’s in Law ?

I wonder if those who now have trouble with their DILs also had trouble with their Mother in Laws.

I had a very good relationship with my MIL but sadly she died when she was just 58 andDC were still quite young.

My MiL was lovely. As the mother of 4 boys in a very male household (sometimes she could almost seem like an honorary boy!) I think she was just so grateful for anyone who'd take an interest in new kitchen curtains, etc.