Coroners Inquests

Thanks Mollie. Shame your experience of the Coroner was so poor, I think we had a really good one and the volunteer was lovely. I ended up giving her a hug when we left. We all have to cope in whatever way we can.

I’m with you about anger Nonnie. I felt angry at no one in particular for a while - more ‘why him, why me’ but in the end it was hurting me more than helping. The coroner I dealt with gave me some verbal information that did make me very angry for a while and then I discovered it was wrong. I couldn’t do anything about it because it didn’t feature in the written record so it was a ‘he said’ situation. Even now, nearly 14 years on, I’m unbelievably sad and heart broken but I don’t feel any anger.

wot I agree anger is part of grieving but I am not stifling it, I simply don't feel it. I would have to look for someone to be angry with so why should I do that? I don't feel guilt either, apparently survivor guilt is normal but I cannot think of anything I could have done to prevent his death. I could be angry at DiL but what would be the point?

I have to grieve in my own way, that is not the way anyone else might grieve. Months ago I accepted that nothing will bring him back so I cry and feel his loss so strongly but it is all I can do to keep on keeping on without anyone making me feel guilty because I am not grieving in the way they might think I should. It is not a competition, I am not comparing my loss with anyone else's, my grief is no worse nor no better than anyone else's.

True wot , there are so many emotions experienced in grief, well there is for me, I accept not for everyone , I think it would help if I could share it with my husband. I do rant at him for not being with me at times , as if he had a choice , daft I know

Getting angry is a natural part of grieving so why stifle it?

Nonnie, it is good to read you don't have anger , I do but not a case of letting off steam, anger that my appeal to save my daughter was ignored . If you had phoned for help to save your son and you were ignored perhaps you would know anger , I am glad you didn't experience this

But Annie we are getting copies of everything so I will know what was in all the reports. I fully understand why the Senior Coroner was selective, she had told us we could get all the copies, she was leaving it up to us whether we wanted the whole detail or not rather than putting every last thing in front of us in a public place. I had read on GN that they are usually sensitive and this proved to be the case.

Although it might let off some steam to have someone to be angry with that is not our situation. He is dead, he died, that's it, there is nothing more.

kathsue x

Thank you Annie and Nonnie for your kind words. It does get easier as time passes. My DGS is 16 now and we look after each other and make a good team.
I did get all the statements before the inquest which helped me feel better prepared.

I would want to know what was said in the full statements, but understand if you only wanted to hear the best bits

We did Annie but some time ago and there seem to have been more since then. We didn't know they had asked his boss for one. The bits of it that were read out were so lovely that it would be nice to keep a copy for his DSs when they are older.

Did you not ask for release of the statements prior to the inquest Nonnie?

kathsue I think that in most cases the Coroner already has an opinion on the cause of death based on whatever reports they have. It looked to me as if, in our case, the Coroner was being sensitive with how much of each report she read out. We were very fortunate in having a volunteer there to explain everything and answer our questions.Doubly fortunate in being first on the list so she had more time with us than she might with subsequent families. We feel that a difficult job was done with sensitivity. That doesn't make it any easier for us to bear though.

Wally, how kind, thank you x

kathsue, I am sorry this has brought pain to you, it is such pain isn't it? How brave you were to not only attend the inquest but on your own, your grandson will realise what a brave granny he has when he fully understands what the loss of your daughter meant to you, I send love and hugs and much respect to a very brave, loving mother and grandmother x

I'll be thinking of you Annie and there's no need to stay silent. You talk about her at any time you want.

I've only just seen this thread and it's brought back some painful memories. 11 years ago I attended my DD's inquest. I was alone as my husband couldn't face it. There was just the coroner and me. When I sat down I saw a paper on his desk with my DD's name on it and underneath it said suicide. So he'd already made his mind up.
He read out some of the reports but not the one from her doctor which stated that she was taking the tablets to get herself through a bad time and that she hadn't intended to kill herself. He had warned her of the consequences of taking too many tablets.
The coroner ignored the doctor's report and wouldn't listen to my opinions. He ruled it was suicide.
I have been bringing up my GS since then and he is a great comfort to me. I have explained to him that his Mum had mental health problems and she didn't want to leave him. (gradually and age appropriately of course). It is difficult.
Sorry if I'm rambling on. I just wanted to say, Anniebach, that I understand what you are going through and you have my deepest sympathy.

I have a very large extended family , sisters, nieces, nephews , and greats , not informing one of them, no need to. It was rather obvious when someone jumps in the river at 5.00 am in November how they died .

Annie we have friends all over the world so we do need to email them. I've just done on group email because I couldn't face doing individual ones. Ours won't be in any newspaper as it is of no interest to anyone. 'Man dies' is not newsworthy.

I don't have to tell anyone they can read it in the newspaper , unless I am asked which I very much doubt because we didn't speak of it to anyone

Thanks for caring. Now we have to tell everyone.

Thank you cornergran and Jamison x x

Fennel, I will continue to say mental illness , a woman 5'9" weighing 5 stone in a general hospital having her stomach emptied and her cut wrists stitched !

Suppose filing people under disorder not illness eases their work load

annie and nonnie, thinking of you both and wishing you peace. Sending love.

Dear Annie, so much distress and hurt for you, I have no words that can ease this for you but my love and continued thoughts and prayers are with youx