Childcare criticism

They are so lucky to have you. From the tone of your post you sound very defensive and too quick to please. Did you really want to give up full-time work for yourself as well as them? That was a big move to make which perhaps set the scene for them to believe you are always available to be of service to them at the expense of your own needs. Don’t be a martyr or doormat and only do it on your terms and if you really want to. Personally, I wouldn’t make a big issue of asking for aet routines etc but instead would be ready with an instant response the next time uncalled for criticism comes your way. Perhaps some recognition of how hard it is leaving their child all day might help before they snap at you. Good luck.

I have a t shirt with ' Whatever' printed on it. Invaluable when your children are questioning/ criticising how you look after their children. I was always in trouble for something, but often a perceived something or other. One memorable day when DGC came out in a rash after I had had them( What did you give them to eat, where did you take them et?). Turned out DIL had changed the washing powder, that caused it in all probability , but didn't tell me until a week after, after I had moithered and worried that I had done something amiss. I saw the t shirt the day after- perfect- and that's what I have thought ever since. I listen politely, make little comment, then privately think 'Whatever'....I think most of us take the best care we can with our grandchildren.

Agree with Sarah though would like to be as brave as Saggi!
I’ve never had any of these issues with either of my DGC, their parents are just grateful for the help.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

(Whoops!!! Long nails)

Get a guilt complex and worry dreadfully about their little one.
I can understand that. So just enjoy your time with your GD.
Sounds like she had a lovely time at yours ?

It gets easier, I promise. For a start they tell you if they're hungry or want their 'dumdum'.
It's a long day and some of them can eat literally all day long. Bananas were always in my handbag, always looking a bit bedraggled! And cheese & biscuits. And milk 3 times a day! My DD always sent a set of spare clothes & I had a few scruffy outfits in case GS wanted to play in the garden.
Would you be happier to do childcare at your son's home. It can be easier because everything is there with the advantage that your paintwork will remain scuff free!

Best advice is say nothing. What happens at grandma's stays at grandma's. Many working mums get

Next time you have to change her clothes, tell them as soon as they come in why you have done it. Children of that age often need changing a couple of times during the day.
It’s their first and they need to put the book away and starting their parenting using intuition.
I think it’s wrong to allow young children to keep on snacking as they will eat more & more as they get older and could lead to fat issues.

Oh dear Sheian57...... From one Sheila Ann to another... sort it now!! My daughter was always leaving my grandson with me for three day weekends so her and hubby could 'have a break' from the no doubt rigours of looking after one toddler! She came in after one such 'break' to tell me her son shouldn't be eating a banana (tiny finger ) so late in afternoon before his tea...it was about 3.30! This, before she'd even said" hallo''. I clamped my mouth shut and went into the garden and started 'pruning' my shrubs overhard as you could imagine! She came out five mins later to ask why I was trimming the shrubs in the rain ( I hadn't even noticed) and it came pouring out. Her total disregard of my child-rearing abilities... her constant criticisms... her fastidiousness concerning everything to do with my GC. I told her then to find another mug to do it next time she fancied being off and away for the weekend. She backed off from that day AND apologised to me for any hurt caused. By the time my granddaughter arrived she had calmed down a lot.... Granddaughter delighted in eating frozen peas and bits of dog food while crawling around a less than spotless floor. What I'm saying is that they 'get over it'. But sheian57 she needs telling in no quiet way that if you are looking after the little precious darling you'll be doing it your way. Even adult kids need a 'telling off' occasionally.

Perhaps you should request that they send ALL the child's food for the day with her. Wrapped, and labelled with times for administration of course.

Your family are very lucky to have you doing what you do. I was not a great fan of my mil but without her looking after my kids when they were small, as my own mother was always too busy???,I would not have been able to work to give us more income.
I would be inclined to say 'make a list', for you to follow, or 'if you are not happy with what I am doing then it might be better to find some one else'

Your son and dil should be really grateful that you collect your granddaughter and look after her one day a week. You sound like a very sensible and caring lady. They should be packing a bag with spare clothes and snacks for her. That's what my daughter did when I minded her little girl.

Hi Sheian57, your such a good mother and granny, DIL is feeling loss of control over her child's life because she has to work, your son will agree with any critism she has, old meg is right, don't get into a discussion with them, remember the saying 'what happens at grandmas house stays at grandmas house'.
Keep it positive, your not their punchbag, let them know you're trying to help them and their remarks are both hurtful and ungrateful. In my experience once you point this out they'll have time to reflect on their behaviour and realise what a wonderful granny their child has.

I agree Luckygirl they are probably feeling guilty about leaving her. Let it go and ask for what is needed next time. If this criticism persists though I would be having a serious talk with them.

Parents who leave their children with the grandparents have to accept that not everything will be done in exactly their way; or they have to fork out for a nursery or childminder, where, once again, things will not be done exactly in their way. They cannot have it all ways. If they leave their child with someone else, they cannot dictate every minute thing. If that is what they want, then they should stay at home and do it themselves!

We have all been in the situation where a child of ours has been at a friend's and eaten something we do not usually give them, or watched a TV programme that we would not normally allow - they survive and adapt.

I try to stick with dietary rules as far as possible, and anything else that they mind especially about, but otherwise at Grandma's house things happen Grandma's way. I think it helps children to be adaptable and does no harm.

Your DIL is being a bit ridiculous - just let it waft by.

7'30 for breakfast until 12.30 for lunch is far too long ,this toddler needs fed more regulary AND she needs milk ..most parents now give follow on milk in cartons but ordinary cows milk would be OK.I just asked my D about a five hour gap between food for a 13 month old and she was horrified .

I’m with Paddyann re the long gap between meals. She’s too young to go five hours. A little healthy snack between meals won’t hurt her.

You collect your dgd?
Mine (one day each week) are delivered to me while I am still (probably) in my dressing gown.

PS seems like a good idea to drop her off too, when Mum is home

Re the dummies ...you don't agree with it but do the parents actively want to have it regardless? If that one had come up with me I would have said "What arrangement do you want with the dummy? Do you want me to give it to her when she is not upset or just when she is upset?" i.e make it very specific, spell it out. If they say they want her to have it regardless say "Ok" . Get it out the bag, put on side or wherever, don't give it to her unless she needs it, don't mention it again, just pop it in the bag in front of whoever is picking her up. If they ask, say "Its been there for her all day."

Thanks for all the advice and support. I will ask for a schedule for everything and probably ask them for all the food, snacks and drinks so they don’t need to ask. I still don’t believe in dummies unless she is fretful which is extremely rare, so won’t be using any unless absolutely need to. If there is any other criticism I will suggest they find alternative childcare. Also my son’s partner is home by 5.30 so may drop her off instead of waiting until 6.30 for my son to collect her. BTW the other Nan has no input in childcare as too far away. There is perhaps jealousy that other Nan not involved hence the criticism of me!

I look after my grandchildren one day each week and the issue of apparently always being in the wrong has been on going really ...as it has been for many of my friends also providing childcare. I very quickly learnt to say "Ok" to comments like the one you got about food; no discussion, just acceptance that is what they want. When asked why I had changed clothes I would just say "There was a stain on her jumper! Would you rather I leave her in that next time?" If there is a temperature, nasty cough or such like I text the parents to tell them and ask what they would like me to do. If a snotty nose I make no comment, they will soon notice it. Different "in the wrong" things arise, I keep to a consistent style of response and it avoids arguments , upsets etc particularly with my DIL. Not easy I know, I have managed to let a reasonable amount oif it wash over me without worrying, but it is a bit frustrating!!

Put the ball in their court. Ask for a written schedule for meals, drinks, nappy changes, sleeps etc.

They can't have it both ways - expect you to use your initiative, and at the same time expect you to employ psychic powers to know what they themselves would have done in any situation.

I don't live near enough to any of my GCs to look after them on a regular basis, but if parents started criticising, rather than making requests or suggestions, they would pretty soon be finding alternative childcare arrangements.

Why don’t the parents leave her with whatever snacks between meals they want her to have Mine always arrived with a change of clothes, nappies, dummies and a click box of bits and bobs for betweens

You are not doing anything wrong - I am amazed at all you do with her - some grans park them in front of the box! - certainly no-one on Gransnet though!

Just do what seems right at the time and let the grumbles wash by you. Some folk do not know how lucky they are!

I suppose what you fed her was better than stuffing her full of chocolate and biscuits but my gs would be starving if he went that long with no food . It also depends on what you gave her for lunch you did not tell us .
In future I would make sure she had a bit of something in between breakfast and lunch ie fruit and milk and something healthy mid afternoon .

Having re read it 5 hours is a long time with only an apple my grandkids wouldn’t have managed that