Childcare criticism

I think they were rather over critical but I also think at 13 months there was too much of a gap between food and although water is good milk is more nutritious and needed more at this age. The day sounded varied but what is suitable for a baby to see in a museum, a baby group of some kind ( music, soft play) may have been more age appropriate.

Why is the word 'guilt' being used so often in these threads? Why would parents feel guilty about leaving GC with adults who clearly adore them, and put the child's needs above almost everything else? I am so happy to be building a relationship with mine, that hopefully is good for her, as well as me. I feel quite sorry for GP who only see GC when they're with their parents.

Wow! You sound a wonderful grandma., giving a child careful care. What a shame a bit of a slip up over a food gap caused so much upset. Everyone's made a slip up over something like that, and you were confused about what to do when you were told your son was coming early.
I agree with previous posters you could get them to write out a food schedule for you, but really I don't think you need it, you will have realised yourself it was a bit of a gap you won't repeat again

I wish I'd had you to look after my kids when they were little. My MIL was very hit and miss with them, but they had fun and never came to any harm and I was just grateful she was always keen to look after them and they grew up very close.
Just sorry you've had this criticism when you're doing your best and have given up so much for them. Sending you

If she’s fed every two hours, I’d say she’ll be on a fast track to overweight! What would happen if you withdrew your ‘services’? It’s for certain she won’t get the love and special attention you give her if she goes to a nursery. Maybe time you called your DIL’s bluff

I think a lot of these problems are caused by the fact that today's young parents have as a norm not had any experience of looking after children at all until they have their first baby! Unlike us, who helped bring up younger siblings or cousins and babysat from the age of 12 or so, they read a fashionable book and follow it slavishly.

I agree, do things your own way and don' t volunteer information. However, when your grandchild starts talking, you will need to revise your strategy!

Is this the first time the mother has made a comment? If so you and others are over reacting, I feel the tone of your post was a little aggressive e.g. I was informed rather than my son called. Were you upset they interrupted your routine but maybe you are being defensive by their remarks.

I suggest you do as others say, keep quiet, smile and maybe a few more snacks. Maybe a good idea to get some clothes similar to how they dress their child as maybe the mother doesn't like the pinafore and tights look.

I think you are great going to pick her up at 7 am. This one day a week with your GD will give you happy memories for the rest of your life so is it worth getting upset.

What a grumbly lot they are!!

I am very glad that I get none of this, even though my child care is probably (in their eyes) less than perfect - I know I'm great of course!

The whole thing about naps is a pain though - I do understand that not having a long enough one, or sleeping too long can mess up the bedtime routine and create a grumpy child - but you cannot make them sleep; and waking them up seems harsh - although I do do this, so my DD gets a better bedtime with them.

It takes a while for new parents to realise that if they choose for their child to have care from someone else, then stuff will be done differently.

This does sound like a wee bit of guilt mixed up with tiredness and delivered because you can say things to your loved ones that you wouldn't dream of saying anywhere else. They are very , very lucky to have you to care for their child and give her such an interesting day.; even more lucky to have childcare from someone who actually loves the child.
I would let this pass but if they do something similar again I would tell them that had hurt my feelings even if they had not meant to, and perhaps they might want to make other arrangements. A little 'shock' might be all it needs to make them realise their great good fortune.

When the children are here it is 'my house my rules'.

I think it unusual, for a long break between meals / snacks because they do seem to eat little and often, yogurts of course, fruit, and cakes we make. I would not ask for any schedules or lists, either they trust you and your child management or they do not, if you start that you will end up with a manual of their prefered choices. They can always look after their own children or pay for child care, which will require that they fit in with someone else's requirements.

How ungrateful! Tell them to arrange their own childcare. you're not an unpaid nanny.

Well, I get criticism if my dgsdoesn't have a long enough nap when I look after him. I find this very annoying, as you can't make them sleep. As he is at my house, he won't always settle down. Now too big for a cot, (2years) he climbs out, so he is on my bed.
I wish he would sleep, and feel nervous if he only gets an hour, as DD is not best pleased. She too always nags about his snacks e.g., has he had enough to eat and seems to stuff him full before main meals. Of course, any criticism isn't well received.
Ah well, this phase won't last. Hopefully.

I must agree that a single apple as a snack between mid day and evening supper seems a bit sparse, my DD’s (and DGC’s) also would not cope with that, as someone else said small children tend to eat little amounts so it’s little and often at that age with plenty of fluids. I also agree that some rice cakes or raisins and a sliced banana make great snacks.
As regards the change of clothes maybe your DS and DIL felt that it was a criticism of the clothing they had put her in? Rightly or wrongly parents can often feel the shadowy hand of disapproval looming even if it’s not there or unintended!
Fortunately for me my own children parent much as I did so there are no issues. I know I am lucky with this, but mine was considered a bit wacky as a parenting style in the 1990’s and 2000’s but is now the parenting style in favour!

They should be grateful for your help. It sounds like you are doing a terrific job. Don't let them get you down. Just carry on doing things the way you are. After all you reared your own children so have a lot more experience than they do!

I could have written the very same post this time last year. I found it quite soul destroying and my husband wanted me to tell my DS and his wife to pay for their childcare which would have been an extra 2 days a week. I'm not sure when it actually changed but they suddenly became grateful and I became less sensitive. I did, at one point, say to my son that I felt that I was on probation the whole time but perhaps he could accept my motherhood of 6 children to be a bit of a learning curve. I did it in a lighthearted way but I think it might have hit a nerve. Also, his wife had a bit of a stressful time with the childminder she used the other 2 days and I think she suddenly realised how lucky she was especially as I would accept an ill/difficult child whilst the childminder wouldn't whilst still wanting remuneration.
My advice, for what it is worth, is to take things with a pinch of salt, lightheartedly respond with witty comments and I suspect things will lighten up as the child gets older.

There does seem to be a trend to feed every couple of hours these days. My DIL would come to stay and if she learned that lunch was at one o’clock, would insist on giving the children a ‘fruit platter’ at twelve! They usually left most of their lunch as a result.
They didn’t say they were hungry or ask for food between meals.

Sheian57 - I feel for you but can only tell you I have had 12 years of this constant complaining. However they still prefer to use my ‘free’ service rather than pay someone who will also demand petrol money. When my mother looked after my daughter I was just so grateful that I let her do it her way. Things have changed, however, and the current generation of parents are very demanding. I have tried to train myself to ride the criticism. Having a relationship with my GC is more important than the barbs from DS and DiL.

Re the other issues, like the dummy and the clothes and cold. I would see no issue with that and my daughter would have been fine with whatever you did so maybe your DIL is just a bit of a stressy overprotective mum. Maybe just don't mention everything. How do they know if you have given her a dummy? I don't see the point of giving her one if she doesn't need it. My granddaughter hasn't had one since around 5 months thank goodness as I don't like them either.

A baby of 13 months old can't tell you when it is hungry, five hours is way too long. When our GC visited they were fed at 8, 12, 4 and before bed with fruit and milk and biscuit snacks in between.

there is a school of thought that children should be eating 3 meals a day plus healthy snacks between. If she had a cold it could well be that she wasn't particularly hungry. I'm half expecting this to be on mumsnet with the story that mil didn't like DDs clothes so changed her and then didn't give her tea,

I agree with above posters who said to get her to write down what should happen when

It's clearly not a mather of good care, they don't critisize the actual facts, only minor details that really aren't that important. Seems like they don't want you to feel happy about having your GC with you. I have my baby GS here regularly, he's only 6 months old and if needed they call me from his daycare to pick him up early. My son and DIL are happy with that arrangement, ánd we talk often about how they want things done. Works for all of us. .

Your son and daughter in law are lucky you pick her up in the morning and give her tea in the evening. That is a long day. We look after our 2 year old granddaughter one day a week and have done so since she was 9 months old and your feeding routine sounds fine to me. We asked my daughter and son in law for a routine initially though but they are reasonably happy to leave it to us now and I have never had any criticism. I think I would let it go rather than make an issue of it but ask them for a feeding routine if they are not happy with how much you give her.

We only have our granddaughter from 8.45 am until about 3 or 3.30 pm as my daughter works part time locally. She has breakfast at home. We give her a mid morning snack either a banana or an oatcake or packet of kiddy friendly crisps at 10ish and then lunch is usually baked beans or spaghetti hoops on toast or a cheese sandwich and a fruit pot for dessert. That is at about 12pm. She has a mid afternoon snack which is either an apple or a couple of dairy free biscuits (she is lactose intolerant) at 3pm ish. I am not sure how that compares to your granddaughters food intake but our granddaughter is very active - we take her to soft play or toddler gym session in the morning and wear her out and she gets hungry from all the running around. She has a nap in early afternoon then plays at home with us until my daughter arrives to collect her mid afternoon. She has tea at home usually unless my daughter is late picking her up.

They are lucky to have such a caring `childminder` but don`t seem in the least bit grateful . Ask them for a list stating what they would like you to do with regards food etc . Your day sounded fine to me , I look after my 1 yr old Gc for one day a week and DIL leaves a note with feeding and napping suggestions which I prefer but she would NEVER criticise what I do . They both sound very rude , I would just have to say something or they will continue to walk all over you . xx

My husband & I aren’t allowed to look after one set of grandchildren 3 & 5 because OH is clumsy & I’m fat.
We do maintain a sense of humour over this.

Listen to baby. If baby is hungry or thirsty, they will let you know in no uncertain terms.

I am very lucky then that I have just been handed my 5 grandchildren at various times, and have just been left to do as I see fit ! In your position, I would def play the game, saying you don’t wish to upset them, ask for a set schedule, then quietly apply sensibility to it when needs must. Your son lived to become a father himself so you can’t have done too bad a job with him !! When baby no:2 arrives, it’s always a lot more relaxed.