Soop's warm and welcoming kitchen...

One of my daughter`s problems is that she doesn`t want to upset his other children. She is his second wife, he has 4 other children by 3 other women, and she thinks that they might cause trouble if she puts him into a care home. How she`s managed this far I don`t know, I know I couldn`t do it. In answer to your question Ann, she is 51, but a very young looking 51, he is 61.

callgirl please help your DD to come to the decision that her DH needs to be found a dementia care home. No matter what sort of person he was/is it will come to that eventually and your DD needs to accept that. It is not letting him down it is a sad fact it will come to it.

No one could have taken better care of my DB than my SIL. She kept him at home for as long as possible but in e end he had to go into a dementia car home. He was a lovely man and wouldn't harm a fly but dementia changes people. Not all will act violently but in those who do it will probably get worse. As for the rest of it that too will get too much for your DD. Please encourage her to look for a suitable home for him soon. She can visit him there and his needs will be better cared for. I do feel for you all.

No-one can force your daughter to care for her husband Callgirl. She does not have to have him home!

Sorry I wrote my last post before seeing your latest one callgirl, what a worry for you. I hope your daughter gets all the support she needs as she recovers from her own illness

ann is right. callgirl, your daughter really shouldn’t have to live in the way you describe, it must impact on your grandson too. It’s a good time to be voicing her own needs, perhaps easier while he is in hospital. No one should live with violence or that level of disrespect. No amount of compassion for her husband will make your daughter’s life better.

Bruce is a fine looking dog soop, you are doing him proud. Skull zapping seems to be taken in both your strides, tell macs should he choose to bottle his positivity there would be a market Good to have fish and chips to look forward to in a few weeks. I also have concerns for your friend in the next few days although I’m sure she will have much local support. Wishing her well.

Sounds as if youv’e had a busy day charley, hope you didn’t overdo it.

I managed to achieve 80% of dry tedious admin today. Off out tomorrow to see our friend across the bridge, it will be a long day so I’ll be missing from here I think. Take care everyone.

I’ve had a few days away catching up with a group of longstanding friends. The couple organising this years weekend did a mini photo book for each couple with pictures of us all taken over the last 15 years that we’ve been meeting up in this way. Goodness how we’ve all aged, some more than others! It was such a relaxed weekend, and so good to see them all, but I’ve eaten far too much so now need to shed the couple of post Christmas pounds sharpish before they make them selves too comfy -- sitting around my middle-- probably just as well I’m too late for those scones that were mentioned!
I’m now of course way behind in kitchen goings on. Sorry you had such a hard day maw and life doesn’t sound easy for you and your family either callgirl
Good news about your friend soop, she is fortunate indeed to have good pals close to hand as she comes home to recover from her op. The picture of Bruce us beautifully done, I can almost feel those silky ears.
Congratulations, team Baggs, how does it happen that one minute they’re babies then almost before you know it university is on the horizon?
n&g that boy always raises a smile, he’s just gorgeous.

She really must investigate all the alternatives callgirl she cannot and must not live like that.
I assume, as your D , she is not very old, she has a long time to be expected to deal with that,
All very best wishes to her and your GS.

Not just the violence Ann, his toilet habits as well, anywhere and everywhere, she`s constantly cleaning up, and not just wee, sorry if that`s TMI.

Your D must now look after herself callgirl.
She cannot cope with her H if she is not well and if he is difficult.
My own H is so easy physically to look after, he is just so frustrating in that he doesn't remember what happened 5 minutes before.His illness is not self inflicted, he has a condition he can't help.
Your G and GS must make the most of their own lives. They must think of themselves and how they can help each other.
She must not put up with violence.

PS Soop, Bruce is coming along just fine, you`ve captured those soulful eyes brilliantly!

Soop, so glad your friend is safely home, but like CharleyG says, she may feel differently once she`s completely on her own. I`m pleased that MacS`s treatment went off OK, you could still have been to the Royal for fish and chips!
I can`t remember who asked what, so please forgive me for not mentioning names. My grandson is a lovely, considerate lad of 20, and he`ll help his mum all he can, but he also has to go to work, especially as she can`t work at the moment. They also have a very large German Shepherd named Duke, who is going to have his number of walks drastically reduced, Dawn won`t manage him at the moment. She isn`t a heartless person, but is leaning towards permanent care for her husband. He does have dementia, brought on by alcoholism, and has hit her a few times in the last few months. Doctors have been warning him for years with every different illness he`s had, now it`s too late. I know it`s been self inflicted, but looking at photos of him just a couple of years ago, and looking at him now, it`s so sad how people can deteriorate like that.

I am pleased to hear that your friend is home but as she is on her own, by tomorrow am she may well have received a rude awakening as there is no live in help which I think she may need. She was turfed out very quickly considering the journey and the fact she lives on her own.

I went to Boots today and bought foundation- fine and then asked for moisturiser. She offered me a fiver off it- I gasped and said I had not planned to pay that much! She was offering me one costing £25. I was ready to go down the "poor pensioner route". Anyway easily sorted at £4.99.

I did so much walking today (for me) I should sleep well tonight.

Phone call from a van man in Lochgilphead. He has friend's aids and wished to know how to reach her home. Directions given. Friend notified. Gear in transit and will be installed within the hour. Result!

Right, away to prepare for our evening meal. My best wishes to all who need them...and also to those who are feeling chipper too.

Back with you after ironing duty tomorrow.

Crafting Your advice to callgirl1 is sound.

Marydoll I'm certain that we would have settled for two gorgeous male nurses each. Four seems a trifle excessive don't you think?

kittyChill! As your "babies" would say. The dog won't be any trouble.

That's good news, soop! Hopefully the requested equipment will turn up.

Callgirl, what a flipping nightmare! That's what you'd call a full house. I hope the gp gets things moving for you asap and that your daughter can be made to rest and recover. Does your Sil have dementia or was that the only bed available?

Currently baby (well they are 9 and 10!) and dog sitting so back later.

Soop, that is wonderful news.

Have just this minute returned from our friend's home. The phone rang at 12:15. Friend says, hi, I'm home!!!! We rushed around to her home and there she was, bright as a button and delighted to be home. Guess what? None of the aids that we and her GP had asked for were in situ. Contacted the GP. GP contacted Social Services. All in hand, apparently.
We had lunch together and made sure that she had her medication laid out in order of when to take it. She cannot believe how wonderful she feels now that she's free from agonizing pain. She was given an epidural and enjoyed the company of four gorgeous male nurses throughout the surgery. Tyke!!!

I think McSporran is such an upbeat man because he is married to such a marvellous woman. You do us all good soop with your caring of others and your good cheer. Bruce looks a nice chap. You've caught a lovely soft expression in his eyes ?

callgirl what a lot is going on in your life. A similar thing happened in our family just before Christmas. SIL in one hospital and DB in another. I agree with others. Unless your DD or DGS are determined to have your SIL back home now would be a good time to look at other options. Your DD certainly must not have him back until she is fully well again. You may find that your SIL deteriorates a lot in hospital. That was certainly the case with my dear brother.

Whatever happens, make sure you look after yourself and do not neglect your own health.

This is Bruce...

I've started the watercolour of a chocolate Labrador who answers to the name of Bruce. This is progress to date...photo coming up.

I should be ironing. Postponed until tomorrow. Hospital phoned to say friend had been discharged from the ward, and was awaiting an ambulance. That was about two hours ago. I've tried texting friend but to date haven't heard back. We shall go around to her house with sandwiches and a flask and await her arrival. I'm all on edge. I like to have confirmation of estimated time of arrival. I get this trait from my late Papa.

corner What a catalogue of truly awful buggerations with bells on. Sometimes stuff is sent to try us big time. We're thinking of you.

anno I'm nodding...

MacSporran has regular scalp-zaps in Campbeltown. No fish and chips, as it's a minor thing. Next Tuesday he returns to see the general surgeon for another routine removal of a horny-looking growth. Nothing to concern us. The next Oban hospital visits are a month or so away. Aortic aneurysm scan on one occasion. Bloods to monitor leukaemia blood count to follow. It's then we have a fish and chip feast. Should you ever meet MacSporran you would never guess that he has these on-going health issues. He is one of the most up-beat persons I've ever met. Every day is a day for celebration. He is a lover of life. Marvellous!

callgirl, you have a lot 'on your plate' at the moment and I hope your DD manages to find a solution to her H's care. I'm glad you have a possible diagnosis of your breathlessness. My sister has had a salutory lesson in not ignoring symptoms. She'd had what she thought was reflux until one day she had a 'lead weight' feeling on her chest and immediately sent for an ambulance. She has a heart condition and the 'reflux' turned out to be angina. She is a retired GP - need I say more?

callgirl I don't know whether this is helpful or not, but when my friends sister fell and broke her shoulder, along with other injuries, her H who had dementia and could also be violent had to go into respite care.
He never came out, he is settled although he has deteriorated a lot.
Would this be the answer for your D or does she want him home?
I am so sorry for you all, what a lot happening.
My H has atrial fibrillation and is fine with it, so I hope you are too.

Callgirl that is a worrying combination of illness and worries.

Is your DGS a competent young man who can look after his mum? Easy enough to tell her to “do nowt” for two weeks, but hard to put into practice. She should NOT be doing hospital visit BTW
The situation with your SIL sounds like a long term worrying situation however, no practical suggestions, but {{hugs}} to you.
Now as for you - you have had a very hard two years and really need to look after your own health and welfare. One of my fellow grannies was diagnosed with a heart murmur a couple of years ago because she found she was more breathless walking up hills etc. She pointed it to them that she WAS in her 70’s and in all other respects enjoys excellent health (more energy than me) and persuaded the drs that she didn’t want treatment or medication unless it was life threatening. These days she is doing brilliantly, just being careful!
Good luck with the tests, I hope there is nothing to worry about that can’t be fixed.