The New Argy Bargy cafe, please pop in!?

I’m afraid Grampy couldn’t make it tonight his hernia is playing up !

Thanks * Nanalovesshopping* , I’d love to sit with you . My these fake leatherette chairs are a tad nippy to sit on , my bum keeps sticking to them! I’ll have to get in the queue for the boys to sign autographs.... how many of them are there ? Good job I’ve got a wide a*se!

I see Marydoll forgot her knickers too, but those high kicks are eye openers !! ???

She means round the back of Tiller St and it’s more than a few quid. Those boys are giving it their all - come on, get em off!

Oh this is so exciting. All these celebrities from the kitchen. At last we will be seen as having a bit of class!
Nana of Nana and Grampy fame ??, I've turned the air conditioning off in case the wind blows in the wrong direction, we don't want you getting a chill.. Unfortunately, there is only room for Grampy, as I want him all for myself, I hear he is a fine figure of a man
One of the many Captains, I have known will keep you and Nannylovesshopping company, they had have plenty of stamina, before I met them
Galen, I respect and admire your expertise in "dangly bits". That paper you wrote in the BMA medical journal was soooo interesting. I learned loads.

I didn't forget my knickers. I thought that was the dress code.

Hi Nannyloves nice wig!
Could you return Big Jim when you have finished with him,
And stop throwing pork scratchings at the strippers ( thought you lot were refined.)

These Chippers look a bit long in the tooth lemon, where did you find them? That one at the back keeps grabbing onto the wall every time he spins around to whip another bit of clothing off. And I can hear his knees creaking from over here. He's older than us, by the look of him!

lemongrovethanks it’s my best one, bit knotted round the back, when I wear it always seem to do a lot of laying down! Blimey Big Jim lives up to his name!!! refined, nah not me, don’t spend enough time in the kitchen to get that posh

Think the lovely soop thinks I’m classier than I am, she always puts my tea in a cup and saucer, ooohh am getting the munchies, any chance of a hot sausage roll??

Chewy put yer glasses on, that’s the Admiral, he had a few drinks and decided to join in , he’s not bad for his age is he?

Here you go Nanny a whole plate of Soops sausage rolls,
Dig in and fill yer boots.

Ahem. I’m a bit poorly so have come in my panda style onesie. Most elegant If anyone is going to the bar can I please have a large medicinal something, not sure I can stagger that far. I’ll drink up and crawl back to my sick bed - or maybe just sleep under this (rather sticky but not complaining) table. Unless anyone could carry me home?

Well, the Chippies have a rest now, before their second act,
Barry is going to play the organ ( electric!) and we shall have a bit of a sing song, let’s start off with an old favourite shall we......the chicken song

Wassup Cornergran are your bunions giving you gip?
Here, sit in this comfy chair and I will get you a large brandy (poor old dear!)
That onsie is very realistic isn’t it, somebody will be offering bamboo shoots.?

It’s very exciting to be here , those Chippendales made me laugh so much a little bit of wee came out ! Sorry about that ! I’ve mopped it up with someone’s cardi that was hanging over the back of the chair !

Is anyone going to the bar ?

MENOPAWS! BRING A TENA LADY FROM THE PRIVY FOR NANA WILL YOU? KEEP IT QUIET THOUGH, SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW!

Large brandy! You call that a large brandy? Think I’ll be off off home to find something more medicinal. Time I was asleep and that chair has springs in all the wrong places. Shall I tell that police officer outside to come on in? The uniform is rather fetching.

Was it a purple cardi ?That belongs to Soop.Heehee

What’s yer poison? We have everything here including a vat of poteen out the back, that will make the old eyes water ( and other body parts too I expect.)

Call out if you have a song request.....what’s that Galen?
Ok, we can do It’s Raining Men next.

Is there a tumble dryer in the kitchen, my cardies got a bit damp...... must have spilt some gin on it......

Are you sure they really are Chippendales ?
They look more like those rising HSL chairs, the ones with the ejector button.

Sorry Cornergran I made a mistake there, it wasn’t a brandy but a specimen of Jason the alsation’s wee that I was taking to the vets on Saturday......did you try it??
That nice young police officer won’t come in ( willingly) we have already tried.

Are you casting nasturtiums on our strippers Maw??
They were the best we could get at short notice.

There’s short notice and there’s short notice!
Put it this way, anything they had to show looked as if it needed a good ironing.

Pass the plates of fried haggis around Chewy we have some visitors from beyond the wall ( white walkers) who appreciate anything deep fried.

They are a bit boisterous too, even for The Argy and wot the hell does ‘lang may yer lumb reek’ mean? Do they want more haggis ( or less?) They know how to party anyway,
And I like your tartan mini dress Maw and your ginger wig.....oh, it’s not a wig, you brought your cat??

I've deep fried a Mars Bar lemon. Anyone? Dig in, nice thick batter on 'em.