too kind daughter

How lovely, but her life may change and so may yours - until then, dig your heels in and say you cannot leave your friends just yet. In a few years it will be wonderful. Fingers firmly crossed behind your back.

My MiL passed away 12 years ago and FiL declined any offers of support i.e. A meal or two every week. He has been very independent and until very recently (now aged 86) managed far more than his health would have suggested. However, a fall or two has meant a massive and rapid decline in his health and despite having carers visit, my DH now has no life as he has to drive to make 3 visits every day, has missed a holiday with me and our dogs and cannot come away next week with me (DDs and DGC are instead).
I wonder if your family are anticipating maybe offering you care should you require it in the future?
That said, your life - your decisions and if you're happy as you are then it seems right that you shouldn't move.
Maybe a discussion over a nice meal out would clarify things
Sounds like you're a great Mum though if you're wanted close by

A friend of ours moved in with her Daughter & SIL. All well for 5 years. SIL found a new lady friend. All my friends money had been sunk into the big house & granny flat. Daughter then found a 'friend' with kids & needed granny flat to house them all. My friend lost her home & has moved into rented accomadation several miles away just as her DH was diagnosed with cancer. He's since died,my friend who once owned her own bungalow has been left with nothing.

I have made it very clear to my children that though I love them all dearly I would rather go into a residential home and them take me out to lunch or have me for a few days occasionally than to actually live with any of them. Of course I would prefer to die at home and my children, who all live fairly close, already do a great deal for me, but I hope I will know when "a great deal" becomes"too much".

My first thought was, "definitely not"! But there are lots of opinions on here and I do know of a family where this works beautifully. You seem to have made up your mind and I particularly like the comment that you'll bear it in mind for when you're old!

Warning bells are sounding.!!!!
Your life your house?
DD suggests you sell your present house, which you appear happy with, and save the money by living in a converted barn on her land.
Save the money for what.?

Tell no1ok. You say your daughter is not listening. Keep repeating the no thanks message, politely. Say it again and again. Bit suspicious that SIL is putting pressure on her for various reasons.
What happens when interest rates rise? If he or she loses their jobs? If you are happy where you are, stay there.
Best of luck.

It sounds a lovely suggestion TellNo1Ok, but there's a lot to think about. My cousin and her DH did just this, their DD, SiL & 2 DGS sold up and moved to a lovely home that was big enough for them to move in with, they paid for a conservatory, a wet room etc for themselves. All went well for about 3 years when suddenly her DD told them that they were divorcing and they'd have to sell the house to buy 2 smaller ones. They still had most of the money from their first house but as they had spent out quite a bit it wasn't enough to buy another home. Fortunately their DS was able to offer to buy 1/2 of the bungalow they found and they have an agreement that they can live there for as long as they want and when they die 1/2 will be his outright plus 1/3 of the other half along with his siblings. It's been such an upheaval for them that has a real impact on their health, although they are happily settled and intend to remain on their own now as it's quite a small, manageable bungalow.

If at all, the time has to be right for you, it’s your life, your decisions and your daughter must respect this, even tho it’s so very thoughtful of her.

Can I add one more consideration about 'not just yet'?
I have 2 friends whose (widowed) mothers moved to be near them whilst in their 70s. Outgoing & sociable people, they took up interests, joined local activities, and best of all, became good friends with their children's friends (including me!). One in particular was a great comfort when my own mother was deteriorating.
Another, who waited until necessary, then relied totally on her son for company, because she was unable to get out.
Now, it doesn't suit everyone - uprooting a lifetime's (or more) relationships, baggage and history does not come easily, and the 2 for whom it succeeded were women who had moved several times in their adult lives - they were leaving friends, but not 'roots'. But I do think it's worth consideration.

Many thanks indeed for all your thoughts.... which have confirmed what i thought... say thanks love but not just yet... the idea that she uses the barn for holiday accommodation is exactly right... and will give them the project they love! she will be retiring early in a couple of years .... and will see whether or not she can live with "people" in her garden ...
Thank you everyone for your time and thoughts... i'll just keep saying... "thank you, lovely idea but not just yet .. "

Tell her you appreciate she is thinking of you and your DH but at current time feel able to live independently but if in years to come this changes you will bare her kind offer in mind.

My good friend is in exactly same situation her DD and family have moved from Hertfordshire to Dorset and have offered my friend the same deal. My friend loves where her DD has moved to but she said she’s not ready to move away and give up the life style she has at this time. Maybe in a few years but not yet. In the meantime she’s enjoying weekends in Dorset with DD but then back to the live she loves.Her DD understands. My friend is 61 and still fit and healthy.

Independence is a fine thing. Be glad that there will be space there for extended visits but keep your own home, even if you rent it out you never know what lies ahead.

I agree with a few others - especially aggie, who say they see the advantages of living near family when real old age affects us. You can leave it until too late.
We're just slightly older than you Tell No1OK, and husband has become very lame over the last few months, I always depended on him physically. My energy level is going down by the day. We're planning to move back to the UK near our DD1, but the logistics are SO stressful.
It sounds to me as if your daughter is thinking ahead not just about herself, but about you as well.

A neighbour of mine did this to her parents and, as the husband was ill, they agreed to move in with her. The mother hated the place but thankfully, when her husband died, because she had refused to sell her old home, was able to move back to it and hopefully lived happily ever after.

Goodness. Say "no thank you" and be done.

I would say while we appreciate the thought the answer is no. We love living where we are and are very happy here. I am wondering would their proposed move be in some way reliant on a financial input from yourselves? If she want take no for answer you have no choice but to dig your heels in firmly and refuse.

Thank her.
Say "Not at the moment, darling, but it could be lovely in our old age."

The other side of the coin was a friend of mine who sold her house in France and gave one of her sons a lot of money so, in his words, he could buy a bigger house and make a granny flat for her with her own private entrance et ...she loved the idea ....he found a very large house in London ...obtained planning permission for the granny annexe .....she moved into a mobile home to wait for it to be completed ...gave him more and more money as 'oh, we need new double glazing, heating, etc etc ...and then they had a third baby, so it was Oh, sorry ...we need the space now so we can't convert the double garage into your granny flat ! Fortunately (if you consider it fortunate ! she had saved some money for her other son, but then had to use it to fund a move into social housing ...she was lucky to get a nice retirement flat as she was born in the place she bought the mobile home, and one housing criteria was living in a caravan .....although she had to wait two years .....she does not see her son much anymore, except when he wants a holiday (it is at the seaside)...and she has falle out with the daughter in law who had promised 'We will look after you in my culture it is normal to look after your parents'.......so now she regrets giving them a lot of her money which was for her old age (she is now 81) ........BUT on the other hand a good suggestion on here was let your D turn it into holiday accommodation so that if you find in a few years time you can no longer manage your house and garden, the option is always there .....would love it if it were me !

I’d say that it’s a lovely idea and you will bear it in mind for when you get old!

Can you talk to your daughter and explain that the time is not right yet for you to move close to them? Or, as another post asked, does the purchase of their property depend on having some money from you put into it? If they are able to support their purchase entirely themselves then could you not use the offered accommodation as a holiday home until such time as you do feel you want to be closer to her? If one of you dies then the surviving partner may want to have the company of your daughter and family rather than continue on alone. Perhaps the Granny accommodation could be let out as a holiday home on the weeks you are not going to be there. I have read so many posts from Grandparents who would love to be so close to their family but are never asked or thought about in that way - I think you could be a bit flexible, you may regret saying a definite No otherwise.

Your daughter sounds lovely, caring and thoughtful, cherish her .
Simply say thank you but we're happy here ,as you will be in your lovely new home.

Hmm. Your words if you "sold up" sent alarm bells ringing. We know an elderly mother who sold up to live with her DD and SiL and gave them a huge some of money towards the puchase of the property. Unfortunately nothing was put down on paper to protect her. The couple split, the DD went off and the SiL evicted the lady into council housing.
If you're happy where you are I would say don't do it yet. The barn will always be there for years to come if you wish to move at a later date, but do protect your interests.

Ask them to turn the barn into a holiday home rental which would be suitable for you in your old age. Is she planning a family and looking for help on tap?