Given up on lady friends

I had best friends at school but thereafter had different groups of friends - no one friend in particular but many friends with a variety of interests. I'm an only child too and prefer it this way. I don't fancy have a 'best' friend as an older person but enjoy learning from younger people as well as older ones. I've also got on better with men than women throughout my life!!! I find them much easier to talk to.

Don't not dot!

I suppose it is important to count your blessings rather than focus on the negatives in life. If one can get out and about then that is a major plus and so you can find out what is going on and get yourself to anything that is happening - whether it attracts you or not. It is the getting out and giving yourself a chance to connect with others that is the whole point.
As I have previously posted DH and I are our own best friends but we were dramatically reminded this year that this can be gone for ever in just a second. So important to make connections and social habits which will get you out and about come what may. So important to have people to laugh with and who would miss you if you weren't there and find out why. The other side of that coin is that you need to be the one who notices if someone isn't there and be prepared to rally the troops when help is required - we dot live in a world where are all the streets are 'one way only'!

A topic I can relate too, I seem to be able to talk to lots of different people but have never had a female best friend. I suppose I should feel blessed that DH is my best mate and DD is there if I need a female to talk to.
With the way the world is now a days people are rushing about no one notices that in time friends fall away and as you get older it gets harder to make that leap in widening your social circle.
Silly me to be down not having a good mate when I have so much where as others have no one.

Which part of the country do you live in? Maybe you could organise a GN meet up for coffee yourself. I have been meeting up with 4 people monthly for over 3 years now, we enjoy ourselves, and never seem to stop talking.

Are you a widow, Betty boo22? I was directed to Jolly Dollies by a Cruse advisor. Sounds a bit like an escort agency, doesn’t it? However it is an organisation dedicated to putting widows in touch with others in their local area so they have company for theatre, cinema trips etc. I have made a lovely new friend through this. Some of the areas have a volunteer arranging meets with the members.

Most of my old lifelong friends have died, and I miss them terribly. But I have made some new ones here. The trick is to join something and doggedly keep attending whatever it is until new acquaintances gradually turn into friends.
I now have a really friendly little gang. But what I miss is one special friend in whom I can confide everything. I no longer have that, sadly.

I have some lovely friends but I m still lonely I have three close friends who I could tell anything to but two have husbands and aren’t necessarily free and the other who I would class as my closest has other friends to do things with, so although we do go to the cinema and lunch and chat for long periods on the phone there are still huge chunks of life when I m alone and lonely but loneliness has always been a big part of my life, an only child and then married to a ‘playboy’ who played while I was left on my own
I do talk to all the world and his wife whilst I m out and about but at home GN is my friend

I can chat to people btw just not make friends.

You're not alone Bettyboo. I have no real world friends. I just never seemed to manage to learn the 'how to make friends' skill.

so many lonely people out there. I have moved around a lot in my life and had to learn to make friends. You do have to make an effort. I'm not saying that you don't betty but you have to keep trying. Could you do some volunteering or join the village hall committee- just examples of things that bring you into contact with people.
Remember you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a
Prince, same with friends.

Lovely positive post Baggs hope the cuttings take ........

Good post Synonymous ?

Over the last few weeks I've been making a new acquaintance on a ten minute early morning bus ride. Most of the bus passengers isolate themselves by never making eye contact with anyone or being glued to their phones (most of them have a good deal further to go than we do) but this woman didn't and neither did I so nods of recognition turned into actual hellos and then when an empty seat beside her occurred the chat began. We blether about whatever. Today she was chatting about a bush that she's getting someone to move for her. She's going to pot some cuttings of it and, if they take, save one for me.

bettyboo don't give up and don't think about what you want from others but just go and enjoy yourself. When people sense your enjoyment they will find it attractive and then who knows what might happen! A light touch is essential!
DH and I have always done everything together and have realised this year how very isolated we are and since he has been more mobile in the last couple of months we have made big efforts to get out and join in some of the organised events and clubs for older people in an effort to make friends or even just be part of a regular group. D.C. laughed like drains when they discovered what we are doing because they don't see us as old but it is important to get out and about and be as social as can be and I think they appreciate that. We suddenly realised how reliant we are on one another and after the events of this year when DH could have been wiped out in a split second (but fortunately wasn't) we decided that we need a network around us. It works for others too as we have got to know other people and have been able to offer transport when it was needed. It is important not to appear as 'needy' or 'clingy' since not many folk are wanting to be burdened and prefer to be free and unencumbered.
Life just seems to take over for some of us so if someone hasn't reciprocated and invited you back then just ask them to come again and don't worry about taking turns because it might never happen unless you do ask them again.

I've never really done the"best friend" thing. I like plenty of variety in my friendships and with most friends I only meet them about every month so I'm not quite sure what it is your looking for.
I bet most people would be happy to meet for coffee or an outing on a casual basis, if you suggested it. But if you want something closer, a kind of bonding, I would say that rarely happens straight away and it builds little bit by little bit.

So sorry, Betty Boo. I find it is much more difficult as you get older. I think one just has to persevere at groups and things and keep going out. I have chatted to people and one lady came round for coffee but she never invited me back. She still talks to me in the street though.
What things do you belong to?

Look at meet ups on GN, I have met lots of lovely people that way.

Don’t look for a best friend, just look for friendly aquaintances at first.Join WI or any club, chat, and after a few meetings, ask outright if they want to come to you for a coffee or meet somewhere in town for a coffee.
What about your close neighbours, any nice ones?

Sorry you feel that way bb - I sometimes think about loosing friends now we are getting older. I remember my mum took it all very philosophically, but they were all well into their eighties. I just can't imagine it, I would find it almost impossible I think to make new friends now.
At least you can come on GN!

Feeling lonely - as in very alone - is one of the most horrible things. All I can say is that if opportunity presents itself for another friendship, take the risk.

Yes, friendships become rarer for many reasons as we get older, but if you are still 'open' to making a new friend, it may happen.

Would you feel able to risk issuing an invite to tea or offer some company if someone you like came along?

I recently met someone new and had that rare sense of 'we could be friends' and I hope to pursue this.