Noisy kids

Happydais,
Have you tried explaining being with so many people in one go is a bit isolating for you?
Because that is what I'm getting from your post.

Say you enjoy her company and you'd like to get to know the children a little better, but when they're engaged with one another its hard to talk to them.

The noise is distracting (I find that too, the screeching laughter or whatever simply jars the nerves!!).

Lets not forget depression is a factor in developing a sensitivity to noise.

Being grateful they are in your life is one thing, but appreciating their company is quite separate from finding the noise they sometimes make unbearable!!! ;)

Children nowadays are not used to having to sit there and be quiet, so its hard for them to find their off button by themselves!!

You do what YOU like, but if I were in your position I would have a quiet chat with my daughter and point out the noise affects you but you don't want the children to feel uncomfortable by this, so maybe its possible for you both to go on trips where there is only one child or just your daughter?

Ask her if she'd like to go to the cinema maybe......your treat, when the children are with friends/asleep/at school etc., and find a suitable movie (obviously not action!). Then you can discuss it next time you meet.

In fact its possible if you did this you could build up a better relationship with all of them as the time spent together would be more fulfilling.

Just my opinion, take it or leave it as you please!!

In case anyone wondered why I deleted my post it's nothing sinister I had found a nice Video on FB about kids and play but realised after I had poster that it had the names of the people who had posted it on and that didn't seem right so thought I d better get it deleted as we are not privy to do it for ourselves I ll see if I can find it on YouTube

Do you know, I was thinking about this subject this morning, although in a different vein. The family next door us have THE MOST noisy children in the world. There back garden is a playground. They have: Trampoline, Climbing Frame, 2 Goalposts, one each end of the garden; A basket ball hoop, cars they sit in and ride around in AND a bouncy castle with compressor. They scream at the tops of their voices all day and all evening. They go out to play sometimes before 8am, and can still be out there at 9 - 10pm. It drives us mad. Then the husband puts his music on inside the house, loud enough to hear outside the house and over the screams (especially the youngest who screams and screams). I am so sick of the noise. This is at weekends and weekdays (in the holidays) the same. I have begun to wish for rain! We cannot sit outside without earplugs! When mine was small, I would not let her or her friends out to play before 9am weekdays (10am Sunday) and they were in by 8pm the latest in the Summer. My words were, 'we don't want to annoy the neighbours, as I was aware that many of our neighbours worked in the week and their free time to sit in their gardens should be respected. I feel so angry that our time isn't respected. We are both up at 6am for work weekdays and weekends or evenings are our only time to relax. I do not want to fall out with the neighbours but I dread the nice weather now.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I work in a residential school for young people with severe autism and complex needs . 80 % off them are non- verbal and I would give anything to hear them speak a single word , interact with each other , play in any way at all
It's truely heartbreaking .

Rejoice with a kind heart if your family members are healthy and noisy !

Sorry, but I would love to have happy children round me, so lovely of your daughter including you. Surely you have enough peace and quiet the rest of the time. I live alone, but l would loved to have had the holiday you had, I would have been out there with them. if you don't like it, fake it and pretend you do, not for long, you don want to be thought of as miserable.

I do think your daughter is being fantastic. Also you knew kids were going to be there, if you do not like noise (which ALL kids make) maybe stay at home n visit when kids are in school. And they must have been REALLY noisy to make you go deaf in one ear!!

Years ago remember an elderly woman moaning about my then baby son screaming his head off in a supermarket. Just said to her, sure you did the same when little. Swore I would never become a grumpy old woman like her. Hasn't happened so far. Still like pop music, festivals.
But if noise is a problem from kids, maybe headphones and some nice calming music or a downloaded play from radio 4.

BlueBelle - very similar here, when we moved into this house. My children were very young - 5, 3 and 1. I said to my new neighbour, "please let me know if the children are being too noisy".

She smiled at me and said "my dear, I lived through the Blitz. If the worst thing I have to hear before I die is the sound of children playing, I will die a happy woman".

60+ years ago my granny was always grumbling about how noisy we, her grandchildren, were. Seems as tho' nothing changes.

I do sympathise with you happydais, I too cannot stand loud noise and screeching. I think I might have some kind of hearing impairment, because it makes my brain jangle in a way that never happened when I was younger.

How about you offer to have one child for a day, and do baking, going for a walk, etc, and then have the other child on the next day, at your daughter's convenience. I have had some lovely times fruit picking, or looking around places with just one grandchild, and then doing the same or different with the other child.

It also means that you get to know each better, I think.
Best wishes

happydais I too have lived alone for 20 years five of my seven grandkids live overseas and I d give my eye teeth to sit in the back seat of the car and have fun with them I am incredibly lucky to live within a mile of two other grandkids and they have been equally noisy, squabbling, having fun, crying, being upset, loving and at times annoying and tiring they are now 14 and 16 so they are starting out on their own lives I had keys to my house made for both of them and told them to come anytime they want The elder one a extrovert boy of 16 pops in and out sometimes with friends to borrow towels for the beach or for the girls to use my hairdryer or just to have a drink and biscuit I m introduced to all his girlfriends as they come along and I have to wave to them all on snapchat ?I find it a huge honour it makes my day
Some people wouldn't like this informal way and I totally understand that not everyone has the same level of tolerance to noise, or unplanned visits but do be careful of the quietness you feel you need it can be VERY lonely
I m very aware that within a year or two my grandkids will be up and away and I ll miss them horribly but life is like that all or nothing
I m really sorry you had such an unconfortable holiday but we all have to make the best of what we get in life and some grans on here who are left out of their grandkids lives would swap with you in a heartbeat Anyway you now know it's not for you so decline next time and stay with your peace and quiet and as I said before accept 'daughter only' invites or short visits if the kids are there

happydais you'll be a sold as you want to be,no disrespect meant by that but if you want to be included and enjoy family life you'll learn to play with/enjoy the chatter and even the screams sometimes that children make.Mine could talk for Scotland and win gold medals at it.Its hilarious what they come out with at times and I always say every days is a laugh a minute with them .My MIL who is in her 80's doesn't like being here when the 2 youngest are because they argue ..its like WW111 so she stays away and is better when they are seperated .Enjoy your grandchildren ,,its such a shame when GP dont spend time with their wee ones,tell them stories about your teens and how life was when you grew up.They find these stories fascinating

It is quiet in my home, noisy in dgcs homes, as it should. If I want quiet, I stay to my home and don't invite them over to make clatterous noise.

Yes BlueBelle, I am so lucky to have my daughter. She is my doctor, my financier, my best friend and I love her to bits. I've told her I would never stand in her way, but she bends over backwards to help me. I thought I could do this trip with them but I just couldn't cope with the proximity of the noise. I love the kids, they're clever, sporty, have so much energy, but I'm just not able to cope when I can't get my rest. I thought it would be better to accept than stay home alone. That's what getting old has done for me.

Thank you for all your support. I should probably have mentioned that I've been on my own for over 20 years and moved to be nearer to my daughter just 5 years ago. I was quite sick when I moved, but being close to her has helped tremendously (I'm just 20 miles away,) and I no longer suffer with depression. She and her friend are both professional women who had their children later I life, so of course, everything is about the children. It was such a shock to my system to be enclosed in a small space in their holiday home for a few days. It was particularly uncomfortable for me to travel in the back of the car with the kids, yelling and screeching. My ear has gone deaf and has not recovered. Yes, we went to the beach, but I'm so fair I can't take the sun all day so I was offered a little tent to sit in on my own. There's nothing there except beach and sea. So now I've got it all out I've answered my own question. Much as I love being with them all, I just can't do it.

I think happydais is incredibly lucky that her daughter is inviting her along on her outings so many grans on here never see their children or grandchildren but here we have a daughter who is bending over backwards to include her Mum even to the point of inviting her on what was obviously a trip out to the theatre with her own friend

Happydais seems annoyed that she had to sit in the back with her grandchildren whilst the two mums chatted in the front of the car thinking it was disrespectful but it wasn't her trip she had been invited along as a happy inclusion and should be overjoyed she is still wanted, she's one lucky lady

If you are very old or ill and need constant peace and quiet why not ask your daughter to only invite you out when the kids are at school

I love hearing the laughter, squeaks, shrieks of happy kids for heavens sake they re only kids for such a short time we moan enough that they always have their heads in a phone and aren't interacting with real friends so be glad they are vibrant and healthy and full of life
You're dead a long time

I'm with you paddyann we love listening to music and dancing around the house . We don't live in a library .

jusnoneed It really makes you wonder how they are being raised, but you see some of the parents (and listen to their loud music etc) and you can see where future problems will be.,

well I listen to loud music sometimes VERY loud music and I'm 63 !My GD's and I can be found dancing round the kitchen regularly and my GS who is now in his mid teens nicknamed me daft granny after a session of music and teaching him to Cha cha when he was nearly 3 ..he still calls me that now .Music sometimes needs to fill the room for me and I love it loud as do my GC.Its NOT a reason to think children are being badly raised or ill treated .

dont you get all the peace and quiet you need when you're at home on your own? Being around children is a very good thing for older/elderly people .Diidin't you see the TV programme about the 4 year olds in an old peoples home? What a difference these wee ones made to the elderly residents lives ,try to accept that being young often means exhuberance and joy and join in...we'll all be dead soon enough,have fun with the young lives around you while you can

I think we all know that kids will be noisy. Even in school there is now much more noise than 50 or more years ago. So the answer is to avoid kids as much as possible.

We all need peace and quiet in our lives. As present day parents move towards retirement watch them change. It does mean we have to tell some people that we cannot stand the shrieking - it can even hurt your ears - and not to mind when we exit those very noisy areas.

There is one method to use that I have found helpful; get a pair of earphones, the ones that cut out all noise, and put the connecting wires in your pocket with your phone. If challenged just say you like listening to music and if the leads are discovered unconnected just say there was nothing much on until the next programme.

Our GC are noisy but there's a lot of them. Luckily they do respond to 'pipe down' from time to time. The neighbours children are noisy too - one especially is always crying so goodness knows what they get up to. I don't mind in small doses. But when school comes out it's time to hibernate!!!
I must admit I don't recall being a noisy child - I was perfect of course

Every afternoon after school the shouting and laughter begins, in a garden behind me and up the road a bit. I love it. I will be gardening and could set my watch by it. I remarked to my daughter that there must be a childminder living there or how else would there be so many children; I surmised 7 or 8. Then one weekend I had my three grandsons here enjoying a sunny afternoon while I prepared a picnic and suddenly realised that there were probably no more than 3 kids in that garden behind. The noise that a 3 year old, 4 year old and 8 year old can make just having fun was amazing. No bad behaviour, just having a whale of a time.
We once drove from the Canadian border down to St. Paul's Minnesota with four children in the back. Mine had never experienced bubble gum but I could hardly refuse it for them without appearing rude. Now that did grate, the incessant popping for hour upon hour.

When we visit our DD and her 3 children, it takes me a while to get used to the sudden increase in noise. On my own I can soon learn to tune it out - like Eglantine I was a teacher for many years, and playground duties......!! Not only that, I was a music teacher, so had to get used to rock bands, recorders and the massed band of glockenspiels, daily.

Since retiring I really value peace and quiet, and my DH finds it unbearable to listen to screeching youngsters. I think women, particularly mothers/grandmothers are far more able to tune out children's and babies' noise than men.

I notice that a lot of the children seem to scream for no good reason these days (hope they never need to for real as nobody would worry about something being wrong) and seem to have to shout at each other rather than talk to each other. We have a few young families around here and the noise can be terrible, you can hear them from some distance. Luckily they all seem to have the attention span of a gnat so soon move on from outside here.
Another thing that appalls me is the bad language that comes from some of them, one girl I hear swears like a trooper. It really makes you wonder how they are being raised, but you see some of the parents (and listen to their loud music etc) and you can see where future problems will be.