Bonkers husband again!

My husband wears jogging trousers as he had a stroke and his left hand doesn't work. The other day he lost his wallet, much panic all round, searched everywhere, obviously stolen....rang the bank cancelled cards before the perpetrators could steal all his worldly wealth. As he walked away I noticed an odd lump on his hip......he had put his trousers on backwards!

So I am upstairs starting on my cushion liners.
DH! " would you like a sandwich?"
Me, Yes please
DH what do you want in it?
Me I'll have corned beef, do you want lettuce and tomato in yours
DH. No, pickle is fine
So, I end up in the kitchen after all, with the salady bits and putting things away. DH disappears
Me. Where's my sandwich?
DH. Oh hell, I'm eating it !!
Me. I thought you didn't want salad
I'm going back to my sewing, where it's sane.

That "man look" was explained to me by my DS2.

It's the hunter gene. The men being the hunters, the women the gatherers, the men only see things that are moving - women see things that are immobile. Voilà - every man's excuse!

Actually, I did read somewhere that this is scientifically backed up by the fact that a man's field of vision is slightly smaller than a woman's - again, the hunter needs to focus on one point - the woman has to have eyes in the back of her head.

Update....
Chair......returned to supplier, they refunded as faulty. Husband......still bonkers.

This is very funny, especially the new chair.

These posts really made me laugh, Thanks for a cheery Friday GN.

We were ever so tired one evening when we were younger when our children were little and we fell asleep on the couch and armchair after a nice cup of tea

The tea cup which was a particularly chunky mug was put on the side of the armchair where my husband slept unfortunately he left the mug on the arm which was directly where I was sleeping and in his tiredness he knocked the chunky mug onto my face .. It gave me a black eye and what baffles me is not one member of my family asked WHERE did I get the black eye from ??

Because my grandmother married twice the man I called grandfather was young enough to be my father.
He never once set foot in the kitchen at home. Not once.
He used the french doors to go out into the garden never the kitchen back door.
If my grandmother was unwell and in bed she never even got so much as a cup of tea from him.
He did, however, on one occasion when she was away get an offer from his friend, a "modern husband ha ha" to cook him something.
With my grandfather still firmly ensconced in the dining room the friend then proceeded to boil 2 lettuces.

Not laughed so much in ages reading these comments. I know where to come now if I need cheering up. My ex sent me a Christmas card after we had been married only 3 months. It read 'to a dear friend at Christmas.' After the birth of our first child he told everyone she weighed in at 7stone 9 lbs. On another occasion there was a knock at the front door and my starkers husband grabbed my negligee to go to answer the door. The milkman had come to collect his money but was always very wary after that - always turned his back at the door in case it was my ex in a negligee again. He decided to cook a tinned sponge pudding one day but forgot to keep checking the water level in the pan. The tin exploded and there was jam all over the kitchen ceiling. Then he moaned that no amount of paint covered it up. No wonder he's now my ex.

Be thankful he got it right KateyKrunch!


Him 'That pink geranium is flowering well'
Me 'It's orange, the roses are pink'
Him 'They look red to me'

'Could you fetch my blue cardigan' could mean that I end up with a grey jacket.

ps he is not colourblind btw - apparently.

So...DH has new glasses which he is very pleased with as he can now walk and read at the same time with the one pair of glasses, he is impressed that he can read the small print on price labels and size labels when in shops, BUT, I have had to tell him not to test out his theory that he can see small print clearly today, in the knicker department in Matalan, he just looked weird! Xx

My late DH was another who always had "a man look", he could open a cupboard door with the item facing him at eye level & say "I can't see it" Grrrr.

He also didn't listen, not deaf just didn't listen, maddening, I do miss him though.

He would do the daftest things, got into the car one day, put his glasses on & realised he already had one pair on & as for rescuing the rabbit in our bathroom at 5am, taking it to the front door & putting it outside only to realise he was naked. There were many more, still makes me laugh to remember

I was about to cook a meal for us on Saturday evening and realised that we only had a dribble of Olive Oil left. DH volunteered to pop to the shop.

Upon his return he plonked a carrier bag on the bench top containing 3 tins of tuna (on offer) a tin of PEK chopped pork (again on offer) 4 cans of beer (def not on offer) and a bottle of expensive looking balsamic vinegar.

"Where's the Olive Oil?" I asked. "there" he said pointing to the balsamic vinegar. "Eh?, that's not Olive Oil"
"Oh yes, you're right it isn't is it"

He only had to remember one sodding thing !

Elastic band bust, so he has put a knot in it (we do have a drawer with some elastic bands in!)

chickenlegs Sat 12-Aug-17 15:23:19 About the civil servant who can't answer a question straight! I SO agree! "Yes" and "no" aren't part of their vocabulary. I'm afraid I'm the one who doesn't listen properly when I have asked a question which requires a "Yes" or "no" for an answer and after a five minute lecture I am still none the wiser, and just switch off.

Ball of string !!

I always ask my DH to repeat what I have just said, he has never ever got it right! He's not deaf or suffering from memory loss, he just doesn't listen!!

I can't wait for the next episode!!

New Chair, needed putting together, he has put the seat the wrong way around, so you slide off the seat, he thinks its right, but its like no chair I have ever seen, where it slides you off or you have to wear Velcro pants to stay on it.....I have investigated (as I have mentioned before, that I am perfect) and it would appear that its the chair that is faulty with the holes for the chair arms placed incorrectly. He of course would prefer me to be wrong and will continue with his office chair slide to proove a point. I am emailing supplier.

On advise of window company bought new silicone spray to stop window handles sticking instead of using WD40. hubby has decided its so good, that he is using it everywhere, some places very useful as long as you are forewarned, like the garage door, crashed shut, as I didnt know and it usually needs brute force, same with sliding patio doors, but he has excelled by spraying our study desk chair, where the rise and fall thingy majig is, so when fatty here (cos I eat too many crisps - see other post) has sat on it, it has gone done and stayed down as its lost its grip cos of the silicone spray.....I will tell you next about the new chair...

Hi Suki70
Getting you to repeat things... My hubby the same. He's been doing it for years... I of course say he needs a hearing aide... He of course says his hearing is fine! Now when he says "what" or "pardon" to an inquiry or request I DONT repeat myself . If he didn't hear that 'dinners on the table' then he doesn't eat it. When I stopped repeating myself his hearing picked up a lot. It's a POWER TRIP thing! They're old... they're retired .... and if by coincidence like me you've at last 'found your own voice' they don't like it.Ignore requests to repeat yourself they'll soon hear you first time. Pathetic or what!!

Ah yes, my DH is very deaf now but can hear quite well if it's about work related issues, which bores me to tears. He was issued with hearing aids but stopped wearing them because they fell out wnen he was climbing on racks at work. He is 74!
The tv has to be turned right up . Spoke to our neighbour about it, no problem she wears a hearing aid.
Bless him!

Oh dear, mine often cannot find the car keys...and blames everyone for putting them in the wrong place, rushes around moaning and getting quite flustered...until they turn up in the pocket of the trousers he was wearing the day before!!!

Like most men DH is dreadful at finding things even when told EXACTLY where they are - I now start the instructions by asking is he really listening and finishing by saying not to use his 'man-eyes' to look.

I've been close to tears a lot recently through the frustration of conversations with DH like those described above, yet I am laughing out loud at most of these