Cant see the wood for the trees

Well done from me also * coco*....have been inspired and kickstarted to climb out of my rut thanks to support from you all ..have signed on for a future learn course in health and phsycology, starting 12th August ..am purchasing sketch book and pencils and also a nice book for a journal of my life as Anya suggested...I am pursuing a P/T job it may or may not come about but I am doing something about it...I am looking into aqua aerobics...using my bus pass a lot more have planned some activities....our nearest facilities are 25 miles away .I am now realising as E and my partner arent home now much before 8pm I dont have the same restrictions as before as OH has new job which are 12 hour shifts...any way just wanted to let you all know after being kind enough to reply how you have helped me for you all

Well done Coco

The OU has a section of free learning materials at Openlearn together with a community hub for contacts with other students. There's a good range of subjects to pique your interests. Or you could go for a degree , as I did and graduated at age 61!

??

Well I did at one time * Anya* think I was living in the middle of a crime thriller ..I suppose those adrenaline fuelled times make the normal feel mundane...and actually did get the chance to physically assault her partner ...but thats another story...but boy did it feel good...*Bluebelle*we could be writing about the same person you definitely hit the nail on the head with lack of structure and the sense of just hanging..W11 I too can only knit squares and been having thoughts about learning more.
What I can see is that I am no different to others of similar ages it is just it has taken me longer to realise this and speaking to all of you has helped put my thoughts into some order and give me a kick up the bum in the right direction...I definitely feel I have a story in me of my past which has been quite chequered...I realise now I am not ready to slip in my dotage

PS I should take my own advice!!

Another thought. Why not write your life story? It would make fascinated reading.

If you allocated a couple of hours each day to sit down and get it onto paper. I'm not thinking about publication, but something that can be read by the next generations. How I so wish my mother or father or grandparents had done that so I could really know what their lives had been like.

First of all DTE well done on stepping into a terrible breach created by the death of your daughter. For fighting for your GD when all you wanted to do was curl up into a ball or physically assault her partner. Well done for raising a child, who at 18, is confident enough to be more or less independent (we won't mention the washing!)

Now it's time me for you. You say you are lonely. Do you have a friend what you can meet up with locally without need of a car? All these suggestions are great, and I read you're thinking of trying a couple (you should) but there's nothing like a friend to sit down with, over a cup of coffee, and dish the dirt have a natter.

You could be talking about me Dowtoearth My Mum and Dad died the same year my job finished I was totally hanging .......I have lots of friends but that's not the same as having structure my grandkids are teens now and my duties have reduced hugely I am still finding motivation a BIG stumbling block I do work three mornings a week (about 15 hours) in a charity shop Don't discount that as although they prefer static hours mine certainly allow me to mix and match the days I work they are just pleased to have me on board I realised the other day that I actually wake up with a smile on the days I go to work. It's mundane it's quite tiring and my back sometimes aches as I stand for five hours BUT it's structure that I need, knowing I m getting up for something . On the days I don't go to work I flap around doing bits and bobs and achieving very little I have lovely big ideas in my head but I never seem to manage to physically do them
I can do anything with someone to gee me along but seem to do nothing when left to my own devices and I HATE that why can't I motivate myself ?

Apart from my part-time charity shop work I do not really go out very much at all. I moved here to a rural area 10 years ago and went through all the motions of joining numerous activity groups, but the boredom of seeing the same people all the time, none of which I really have anything in common with, has finally caught up with me. So..have stopped going to the activities and instead have taught myself to play the piano, taught myself to knit anything other than a square and am now teaching myself French and never go anywhere without a book. I go on holiday 3 times a year and make an effort to travel 250 miles to visit old friends as much as I can....Strangely I don't feel lonely.

Firstly thank you all so much for taking time to reply...and so many lovely ideas..many that I have thought about myself...I like the idea of sketching and thinking about sketch book and pencils to buy...and jigsaws for winter ..thinking of going to a gym or may aqua aerobics ..think what I am missing is company...I love reading ..I think the panic is time is passing and I should be making the most of it not sitting thinking about it...just asked in bakers I go into about a P/ T job..money would be handy...and am going to look into hosputal visiting and the on line learning website which was mentioned .. buying another car is unfortunately not possible as money is tight...so once again thank you all and I knowvseveral of you have said you are in a similar position I would be happy to either PM you or you can PM me...also have the option of a GN meetup in cambridge..which is something to look forward to...thanks for the support and lovely messages

You sound as if you've had hectic life downtoearth so perhaps you do deserve a break you know. Nothing matter sometimes with just sitting and watching the world go by and we shouldn't feel guilty for just doing nothing (but we all do). I think painting and drawing is a great idea, it really can help and once you get started time seems to go so fast. There are some great courses on Future learn if you want to learn something, and if you are interested in helping by taking part in some citizen science stuff Zooniverse is great. You can also volunteer without leaving the house- Saga has some ideas here-https://www.saga.co.uk/magazine/money/personal-finance/giving/nine-great-ways-to-volunteer-online
Just take your time deciding try one or two things and take each day as it comes. Above all don't be hard on yourself, you are entitled to do as much or as little as you want.

How about painting? It doesn't matter how 'good' you are, you can buy some materials online, just a 2b pencil, a small palette of paints and a watercolour pad to start, you can find lots of tutorials on YouTube and I think you will become absorbed in what you are doing which has the same effect as meditating

Soory, I just saw in your OP that you had to get rid of your car. Is there any way you could raise some money, e.g. re-mortgage?

I can relate only too well to how you feel, downtoearth. Apologies if I have missed this, but is there any chance you could get a car? I don't know if you can drive, but if you get a second-hand automatic, these are so easy to drive these days, unless you have a physical problem I feel sure you could get your licence and you would feel so much freer. Good luck

I am so sorry to hear you feel like this, however you have made the first brave move to share, reach out and connect with us here.

It must be difficult when you feel 'lost'. Have you tried picking up some lifestyle magazines? I have found them full of interesting subjects which might strike a chord with you and help you to find something of interest.

Here's some suggestions: Breathe, Mollie Makes, Gardeners' World, Garden Answers, Coast, & Country Living.

It may also help you to practice mindfulness throughout each day, and this can be done any time any where. Become aware of what's around you, the sensations in your body (like the feel of rain on your face, the rush of the wind). Take a look around and appreciate the details around you - a view, the sky, trees etc.

Have you tried walking? Clears thoughts or maybe introduces new ones. Take time to reconnect with yourself.

I hope this helps to get you started, and I send you a great big hug xx

downtoearth ?
Sorry that you are having a hard time.
Be kind to yourself......read books, watch tv, have your hair done, play games online like puzzles.Meet a friend for coffee.Are you near enough for a GN meet up?

If you like using your computer, I find entering competitions is enjoyable, with the bonus of sometimes winning a nice prize. The site I use most is www.theprizefinder.com/ but there are often competitions on facebook and other sites such as sixtyplusurfers.co.uk. I also complete surveys which are paid for in a variety of ways, my preferred one being Amazon vouchers. Jigsaw puzzles are also fun if you are that way inclined and the time passes before you know it. Of course these are all sedentary suggestions and may not suit you.

I was also going to suggest dog walking. The Cinnamon Trust welcome volunteers to walk dogs for people who can't get out and about for various reasons, and if you live near countryside it is good for body and mind to get out in the fresh air. You can commit to once a week, or more, as you like.

Hi downtoearth I know exactly where you're coming from! I have spent all of my life either looking after or pandering to others and now I am alone wondering where my life has gone and why there is barely anyone left around me apart from when they want something! My kids are all successful but lead their own lives, I have 1 or 2 friends but they are busy working. I am working but my contract finishes soon and I'm unsure which direction to go in! I can't give you a magic answer but wanted you to know you're not alone! If you would like a penpal to chat to message me using the personal message button!

If you like to talk to people maybe you could try becoming a telephone befriender. There are at least two organisations that I know of who have volunteers who do this. They phone people who are housebound or /and lonely for a regular chat say once per week. Maybe you need someone to ring you?

My personal experience - go to the local golf course and ask about lessons. The ladies will soon absorb you into so many social activities you will have no time to think! Also, your local Care Home will welcome you with open arms to talk to the residents, help them to reminisce, play games , crafts etc. I realise that without a sense of purpose in retirement I would struggle getting out of bed. Good luck

Have a look at what Future Learn offers. I think with all your life experience you would be welcome as a mentor to a young person. Don't lose heart and as Eglantine suggests devote time to yourself.

Thanks for all your lively replies ...we did have a dog but behavioural problems meant she had to go back to the trust where we got her and partner has put his foot down no more pets...she followed after losing our lovely black lab..I think the problem is that there are few facilities left this area and not having a car dosent help..I do keep myself in check with clothes and beautifying myself etc...I think its just hit me as well that OMG I am 64.5 when did that happen feel that now E is 18 was always defined by either my job title or K&M's mum E's nan ...those status dont fit anymore....all of a sudden those retirement...although retired at 62 ...issues.have come to the fore demanding to be dealt with...and maybe empty nest syndrome as well ..I think the way to go will be voluntary work of some description and as Imperfect suggested some sort of on line course along that line alongside ....maybe hospital visiting I had been thinking along these lines and losing sense of purpose and direction...thankyou for all the kind words

Hi Downtoearth, sounds like you've done a fantastic job caring and being the mainstay for others till recently. As Eglantine says, I suggest you give yourself some 'me' time now.