Cant see the wood for the trees

what about trying something like dog walking - you'd get paid a bit and it would help you to get fitter as it would make you go out more. Often people like to have somebody older who is perceived as more trustworthy. Also people talk to somebody with a dog much more than if they're on their own. A friend of mine took it up and was overwhelmed with work once she got going. Good luck and be kind to yourself!

Have you thought of an allotment, that way you get out of the house at times to suit yourself and free food (sort of) and company and fresh air...........or a bit of agency work, so you could work as and when it suited you, even the most rural places need care people, so transport need not be such a big issue.

I feel the same as you, exhausted by life and voluneering and stuck indoors too much and over eating......have just rediscovered my garden and do manage to be out there even if just for a short time every day. I have terrible mobility problems and such weird phobias now........too much time thinking has done that. there are times even in the dead of frozen winter when I have to sleep in the car for solace..........not sure how that helps me but it does.

Have you written down what has happened to you, that can be cathartic and is a lovely thing to leave for your GC for whom you made such huge sacrifces.

I salute you for all that you have done.

Forgive me if this is inappropriate. I devoted a year to me. It was easier for me because there was only me at home. I lost weight, got a new hairstyle, bought some very different clothes (not expensive just very different), did my nails every week, had my eyebrows shaped, definitely saw to my horny feet, in general just rediscovered the (fairly) attractive person I used to be. It took up the whole year trying out new things. I felt so much better and more confident.
Maybe your GD would like to help (or might roll her eyes-as they do!) and your love life might take a turn for the better.
I'm not making fun or treating your problem lightly, believe me. Your analogy of the bird in the cage is perfect, that's just how it is. I'm trying to tempt you out.?

Where I live we are so short of volunteers for community events - gala week, Highland games, brownies etc. It is good fun getting involved, but the younger ones with all the energy are busy with families. Try going to some local events and you will be made very welcome.

The very fact that you've come on here and feel able to air your dilemmas is indeed a starting point and decidedly courageous in my opinion. Bravo! I can't think of anywhere you will get the all encompassing advice and experience more than GN. Sublime to ridiculous is covered here and I'm seriously impressed.

I moved to a rural location to be near AS and family first port of call was local community centre lots of classes available Zumba Pilates craft groups most let you go for one session to decide what interest you. Once that is established you will find most groups are friendly and welcoming lifts are readily offered if you want to join others e.g. U3A etc. The first step is often the most daunting good luck I finding some interest to enrich your time

You don't sound pathetic at all downtoearth! A lot of people on here will certainly identify with what you're saying. And it's hard to remember who you once were and what interested and inspired you. When I left work I think I sat around for a year or two feeling like life had little meaning and feeling that I was a bit pointless. Now I have joined a Red Hatters group which offers lots of social activities which you can pick and choose from. I've got an allotment, which I get so much pleasure from, never been into gardening before but absolutely love this, and have joined a couple of other groups too. If there's a film on and no one I know wants to go I go on my own. It feels really important to take steps to re-engage with the world, not always easy, but we deserve to enjoy our retirement after working hard all our lives. Best of luck and well done with GD!

Hi Imperfect my voluntary roles where all as advocates, or sign posting information and advice benefit up take etc have also volunteered as support for families ..these have all been charities but with all cut backs these roles seem to have dissapeared in our area, in the past have also done lots of workshops and short courses along side particularly with Domestic violence too....the opportunities where we live are very limited..and transport issues dont help...I do feel that I need something to focus on that is going to use the grey matter...Riverwalk I am looking to find some P/T work but jobs are hard to come by here....small market town in Norfolk...I did re train in dispensing which was one of my past jobs and gained an NVQ11 in that and also retail...I am so used to being stretched that this situation is driving me mad also need to exercise the body as comfort eating seems to be default setting

I feel the same as you Eglantine..I just seem to have run out of steam.of being the care giver and want something for me that absorbs me and apart from normal aches and pains and a few problems with my feet I am able to get out and about...domestic duties hold little interest...cooking even less its almost like a bird in the cage that has been held captive and then the door opens ..but it dosent know any different....

It's hard when you've always been the giver. No matter how awful things are at least you don't have to worry about what you are for. You have a direction in life even if it isn't by choice.
Do you still want to help others? Imperfect seems to have found something for herself. I know I felt I had just run out of that kind of energy. I didn't want to be responsible for anyone else, anymore.

Thanks Eglantine I have always been a problem solver and a helper and supporter of others and neglected myself...I started a new life at 50 with partner and within a few weeks E was living with us ,I had jyst got my own children off hand and hand to start again alinf with an elderly frail mum so have got to the age of 64 having always been a 'doer' without investing time in my own needs and interests now opportunities are scarce and options limited....I realise I miss the old busy bustling in and out with too much to do me...anywhere accessible takes an age to get there....and have just realised my stamina is none existant as all household chores are mine .... how pathetic I sound although I do feel better getting it off my chest

Hi Downtoearth. As I read your post, I thought that sadly this is not untypical for many of us through different stages of our lives. It is often the bit where children reach their independence - especially poignant for you as you have had to centre so much of your life and give up your own support systems because of the needs of your DGD. And I 'hear you' doing the weighing and sifting - you seem to have a very good idea of what the problem is and also why it is tricky to solve.

Have you ever thought of doing an online counselling qualification - e.g. diploma and volunteering for some sort of advocacy support? I am thinking through something along these lines for myself - it is often people who have had to take on the systems and work with grief that have a great deal to give to others. Just a thought. I have a relative who is trained in counselling and she does her support work by telephone.

I found myself having to re-evaluate and make life changes earlier this year and a.n.other big difference for me has been more reading, but it seems to me you do need the people contact.

Take care,
xx

DTE is there any chance of finding part-time paid employment?

Is there anything in your distant past that you remember enjoying or having a talent for? I spent a long time caring for my husband and couldn't actually think of anything else to do after he died. I started writing short stories and even sold a few. But that wasn't the point. I really enjoyed doing it. Another friend went back to an instrument she played when she was young and another one has just spent a month cooking as if she was in WW2. Sounds weird but it gave her a lot of fun.
Learn a language maybe and plan a little trip to test it out?
I do know how hard it is to find the person you used to be when it's buried under layers of what life has thrown at us