Statements never likely to be said.

Monsieur Bernier (EU chief Brexit negotiator) telling PM Theresa May that as the UK has paid in billions of £s already, we can leave the EU with no divorce bill, and trade within the single market without having to accept mass immigration.

Can I do the cleaning?
I would love to sort the washing and iron it for you!
You have the TV remote tonight, dear
Shall we watch something that isn't violent/sport related?

My husband saying "I've run the hoover round to save you the trouble my love" "Oo and Ive washed the dishes at the same time"!

Contractor: "I'm on time, can do the job quickly, easily and cheaply".

They delivered when they said they would ( though some are getting better )

I'm not gonna eat that chocolate! ( to myself )

Following the Leave result in the Referendum, the BBC has announced that age discrimination laws are to be tightened, to give older workers a fair playing field in the jobs market.

Insurance company:
We've decided to reduce your premium this year WITHOUT you having to threaten to go elsewhere.
Gas company: Your bill will make sense this month.
Ofsted: sorry, we are wrong!????
Parent: Child says they DID do what you told them off for. You have my full support.
S Supermarket:You're right. There does look to be more meat in the picture on the box than the 5 small pieces you actually get.
Restaurant: Yes it should read "Salad with goat cheese rather than goat cheese salad because we added so little of the cheese."

I've achieved everything I set out to do today.

I feel absolutely 100% well !

The phone ringing when an an organisation has promised to call you straight back

You go out and spend as much as you want dear!

Sorry, Myfit (I have the budget version).

You sleep better than 99.9% of users, your activity level is exemplary (my Wifit).

Yippee, I am driving for 3 hours on the Motorway today!

Kate is so fastidious there is not a speck of dust to be seen.

Gosh, Tegan; your house is so neat and tidy....

Also what Norah said.

You and Dad come to us for Sunday lunch Mum.

We drove all the way here and didn't get held up by a single cyclist!

Actually, our dental hygienist is good fun
Only she will make me laugh when she is expecting me to hold on to that thingy she puts in my mouth.

Wales hit by yet another drought

Don't worry I will tidy up after I have finished the job. (and actually does).

Mum, let me pay, my treat.

I can't think of a single thing to put on my To Do list today.