Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

I thought that I would venture in here- do I need to bring my body guards? I normally stay in soop's kitchen but as the weather is warmer I thought that I would venture out.

We are very proud of our 5 stars which are displayed on the kitchen door. The inspector came on a day, thankfully when the cats were not lying on the worktop surface and a couple of dogs were easing the fridge door open to extract a treat or two.

I prefer the kitchen because I drink so little alcohol, I much prefer coffee and it is there by the gallon with lots of freshly baked cake which on the whole I avoid.

Are those knickers part of M&S latest range or did they come from a more up market store? Are there other colours? I do need to update my underwear and they look ideal.

This was just a quick pop in to make sure that it was safe for me- may come back later.

But oddly accurate too! Have you been rifling through my drawers again Marydoll?

Cheeky mare!

Yes but does he sell xxxxxxxxxxxl knickers? .....and that's only the smallest size needed here in the Caff!
I think we need to go to the local sailmaker for help.

These are a bit small for you Chewy, but it's the best I can find.

He's certainly a man of the cloth.... he has a stall on Wigan market every Saturday selling knock off Versace knickers.--which could be very useful in here considering the clientele--

He's certainly a looker Chewy!
Good luck with keeping the Man Mad lots hands off him!

I'm keeping the baseball bat to keep that Marydoll & Menopaws away from him. This one's a keeper!

You should be singing:
"He's the devil in disguise"

It's BIG Jim's brother, Wee Wullie. He has been away on a long vocation vacation and just been released for good behaviour returned to the city.
I think he was inside for impersonating men of the cloth.

Whoo hoo!! That's the sort of parties I heard the old Argy was famous for.
Line them up Menopaws!

cough cough clears throat & spits

*THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC SONGS THEY HAVE SUNG FOR A THOUSAND YEARS.....*

Do I look OK? This is my and the vicar, by the way, ain't he a catch?

I'll let it go this time *Pam the Man* Bam Bam.
Anyway, you'll never guess what has happened. The five star General is in town and I managed to seduce persuade him to give me the keys to the liquor store.
Get those glad rags on Laydeees, the drinks are on me. and more .

Oh! Yes Chewy! Hubert the camel is tied up out front if you require his assistance. I
Just give him a friendly pay and he shouldn't spit in your eyes much.

Oh dear! I seem to have ruffled a few feathers! The old Sea dog has quite a way with the women and spoke very highly of you Marydoll.
Any how! I'll have a pint of Sluggers Brew and a Creme de Menthe chaser and settle down to watch the amazing Chewy!

Do you think GN will let Marydoll get away with threats? Should we hide her down the cellar in case they send her to the norty step? Risky I know with the new stocks of Drambuie down there.

Is their going to be a punch up round the handbags? If not, I'll get me nuns outfit on and start my Hills are Alive routine. Is Bambam's camel still tie tied up outside, cos if it is, I could use it in my act.

Now listen here, Wham Bam , I'll thank you mam to use suitable reverence, when saying our names.
We are founding members of the Argy, so there!

Oh! good evening Meno!! Your looking lovely tonight in your blog orange and citrus combo!!
A pint of Old Scoungrel if you pleass!

Well, that wasn't what I expected at all.
The Scurvy old Sea dog pulled out his Ships Log, so I clouted him with my handbag and scarpered pdq.
Bloomin cheek!
We're not all like Menopaws and Marydoll I said.

Oh Meno I'm so glad we are still friends. I do hope the DM doesn't get a hold of this story, or we are up the creek without an Admiral paddle.?
Where are Chewy and Lemon when you need them?

I got fed up missing out on all the men and anyway it's looks like Bambam has him now so she's betrayed both of us. Sorry Mary let me buy you a Pernod then let's go out next week and find us another couple of old seaman

......inconceivable ( oh hold on until I post this word on that in words thread) that you would betray me in this wayMenopaws . I'm brokenhearted, I thought you were my friends you hussy?
Excuse me while I go away and I start a thread on BETRAYAL.

Hang on he told me he was having a quiet night in tonight

I'll have you know he is not a cad, he just hadn't found the right woman until he met me, that's cos I made him a fish finger sandwich earlier . I know how to look after an old sea dog

Fighting talk! I did tell Bambam that you'd be cross with her Marydoll but she was adamant that the Admiral's only had eyes for her. but they are crossed so you never can tell

Oh my menopaws you do look nice! It's not often one sees day glo orange and citrus green together but it's certainly..... unique. I'll have a glass of punch with a pernod chaser please. Make it a double, I'm having Dutch courage to get on the stage and sing later.

Bambam has gone off with the Admiral's tonight. He's got some energy for an old sea dog hasn't he? Talking of dogs: Sidney hasn't been well today. He ate all of Soops Eton Mess and made a mess of his own.