Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

I can't believe Fabrice and Antoine sneaked out last night. My pack of trained chihuahuas were guarding their door too.
I've just sent my maid to look in on them and apparently they seemed to be draped in some sort of massive grubby item. There was a strong smell of industrial alcohol too. I'll ask the butler to send them in to see me in the morning room to explain themselves.
This Argy Bargy place seems somewhat disreputable despite hearing that it was posh. Oh dear. How disappointing.

Have you tried a monkey wrench, Meno?

They can service my boiler anytime, I think my taps are a bit stiff!

OOOOOhhhhhhh, My car is making a strange noise.. I really must take it into a garage.
I wonder if there is one close by.

I have heard there is a garage full of well muscled motor mechanics on the prowl for some excitement ... Book them in for tonight

Brilliant turn tonight Bambam, but by the time they've finished servicing the old boiler at Marydoll's house they might have no energy left for an encore next week. Wonder if those 2 boys Fabian and Enrique have any talents that we could utilise?

I'll say!!
Gary nearly had me eye out then!!!!!
Right that's it, give Malcolm his thong back please!!!
We'll book them again for Saturday and make sure all the regulars get here.
Give the boys those sausage rolls to take home with them.
I'm off!!! What a night!!!

Hang on there Bambam I'll take me teeth out.

-Cor! The one 2nd from the left is a bit of alright, isn't he--

Uh? Hang on! I've just paid 5 bob for a front row seats to see 7 gas fitters get their kits off! And now you've all skittered off to go over to the posh place and put you jammies on?

some den of iniquity this place is

Well Chewy's made it, and the place is packed so I'll get the Gas Fitters on.

Ladees !!!!!!! Give a big Argy Welcome to the Gas Fitters .

You can leave your hat on, you can leave your hat on!!
Get Chewy off the stage for God's sake, she's got his thong caught in her teeth.

A bit difficult, I think there is a problem with the wifi in Argyll and she puts her jammies on at 5 o'clock due to the dark nights there. Everything shuts down early.
Best wait until morning until she and McSporran open up their posh caff.

ring side seat, popcorn ready, glasses on, ready for the male strippers

Warning up????????
Warming up!!!!!!!!!

Yes Hairymol, get Soop out of bed and get her down here right away.
She's an expert on the meat and two veg being the owner of that posh caff. Gary wants to sample her Sticky Buns!
The lads are warning up! Ooooerrrr!!!!

What about Soop? I think she may be in need of some R & R?.... and she makes exceedingly good cakes not
By the way, Sam Pam, Gary said I may be an old boiler, but everything is in full working order.
Should I take that as a compliment?

It's been one of those nights already MaryD. I've been carausing around town with a gang of Gas Fitters who've been trying to find the Argy. So I've brought them back from the Take It Or Leave It pub in the town.
Gary told me he's inspected your boiler this afternoon
You naughty girl....
Anyhow, whose behind the bar!! Get these lads a pint of Vodka and Red Bull each and crank up the Karoke.
They've promised to do our speciality act tonight.
The Full Monty!!!! Get that tune on, what the hell is it now?
You Can Leave Your Hat On by Tom Jones
Whoo hoo!!! Hope Chewy, Lemon, meno and Jane get here in time. Might be a bit much for that posh girl, ChelseaG not that posh though, up the duff by some Spaniard but better let her know anyway.

???

Is there anything better than a fit gas fitter? Could that be a new thread?!

Oh dear, it's going to be one of THOSE nights?
I don't think I have the stamina tonight.
By the way, my central heating is knackered and I had a lovely long visit from a fit gas engineer called Gary today. He is so obliging and I have invited him /he? and all his mates to the Caff tonight.
Wham Bam hands off! ...or else

Jane10 You might want to nip outside to see what Antonio & Febreze are up to? They appear to have climbed up and removed my keks from the flag pole. They've managed to get one inside each leg and are prancing around singing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts". I thought you said that they were of a shy, quiet and delicate disposition?

No chance. The Admiral never associates with riff raff.
I think it may be the Rear Admiral. You know, he isn't proud.
"Any port in a storm" ?

I've been trying to persuade Fabrice and Antoine to resume their recce of the Argy Bargy tea room but unfortunately they seem strangely averse to my suggestion of it. They didn't even get through the doors last week. I gather Antoine had some sort of event after he caught sight of your pole dancer through the window. His screams upset Fabrice who had to go and have a wee lie down in the back of the Rolls. It was lucky the chauffeur was driving as otherwise I don't know how they'd have got home.
Apparent a nice sailor waved at them though. Would that have been the admiral?

PS. The knickers are sold out, but if you want to rifle through the Argy dirty linen basket, you may find some.?

Charley Oh you are a "bold piece", as one of my teaching colleagues used to say.
Was it you I read about in the Daily Mail? GN should be charging royalties.
*" Ninety year old -- hussy-- gran becomes pregnant by long distance lover" .
You are an inspiration to all the hussies in the Argy.

I have had a lovely steak supper but I had to have some black pudding also. It must be the fact that I am pregnant. I know who the father is which is a relief- he has been living in Spain since 1988 and has not left. I have stayed in London.

I was a tad naughty and had around 3 glasses of wine but I will be as right as rain in the morning.

I am hoping that I will be able to get my hands on a couple of dozen pairs of knickers to help re- line my loft as the evenings are getting colder. The colour will not matter but I do not really want anything that clashes. I have standards to keep up here living where I do. I am hoping that soop and I can bring a bit of class to this cafe, I have noticed that it is sadly lacking.