Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

Mmmmm the greeny/yella paint is very fetching lemon. As in "fetch me a bucket".....

Well! Wolf in sheep's clothing etc...... there'll be fireworks in here when Marydoll finds Big Jim in Eglantine's clutches ooooh goody, I luffs a bust up over a fat bloke in a string vest with a beer belly

I think you will fit in well with the crowd here Eg if I may call you that? All the cognoscenti drop in here of an evening I can tell you.It’s La Dolce Vita all over again.?

I bought this greeny/yallery paint after seeing all the tops this colour in M&S, very ‘on trend’ it is, so no complaints please.

Timid didn't last long did it? Beware the predatory female!

I'm sorry, the lover isn't here this weekend so Big Jim is mine, for tonight anyway I don't know who Marydoll is but she can have him back tomorrow.

Big Jim has lovely hands! Lively ones too!

Not at all! We all enjoy nosy neighbour stories, in fact, when we were having a new bathroom put in at a house a good few years ago, the plumber came in laughing one day.He said ‘ your neighbour just accosted me on your drive and asked why there is a new toilet sitting in the open garage, and I was tempted to say, I was plumbing it in there, in case the householders are gardening and get caught short!”
I really wished that he had said it.?

Come and sit down next to me Eglantine and tell me where you've been today. Try not to have any eye contact with Big Jim if possible because Marydoll gets REALLY mean with jealousy. He's the cellar man in the bar. He spends an curious amount of time in the cellar fiddling with his pipes. He always seems to have sticky hands for some reason.

Don't be timid Eglantine, you'll be quite safe until Marydoll and lemon have had a few pints of dubonnet sherbet. Best to get your coat then though.

What a lovely job you've done in this bar lemon! What lovely bright green walls we have now! What shade of green is this exactly? And can we get our money back?

Do we have any pussers rum in stock please? I fancy a quick half? preferably in a glass rather than the cocoa mug I had yesterday

Oh dear, I must be the saddest person on Gransnet.....

Oh, come in and have a pew, and a brew.Tell us all about your neighbours new radiators, we are all agog.

I'd like to pop in but I'm a bit timid.........

In case any new Gransnetters look in here, pop in any time? for coffee, booze, donuts, pork scratchings and peanuts, plus fashion tips! What do you think of my new outfit, head to toe cougar print, classy eh?I know, the wellingtons do spoil it a bit, but have been down in the cellar supervising Big Jim as he tapped the barrels ( ahem!) and it’s a bit beery underfoot.Still, I can soon slip on my six inch heels ( amazing how tall I become.)

There is also a new swear box on the bar, which am hoping will soon fill up to buy new glassware, I have been serving the Guinness in chipped mugs.?

Ohhhh, I'm so glad the Argy has re-opened. Sterling work Lemongrove Just back from my hols and problems with central heating..brrrrrr.
Hopefully it will be a blessing in disguise and the service engineer is a hunky chap, if George is otherwise occupied.
I will try and return later.

Yeeessss meeee, never say no to a free George

While you have all been gallivanting round the town these last weeks, I have singlehandedly painted and papered the bar area, cleaned all the seats and polished the tables.
Not to mention restocking the bar and buying a large gleaming coffee machine that comes with a free George Clooney. Any takers?

Stop fiddling with Big Jim lemon and pour me a large glass of baileys

I will be very happy to share a cup of something with you Marydoll ( have we run out of clean glasses?)
Yes, the old Argy has seen better days, a bit like us really.
Still, there is life in the old dog yet, as I was just finding out in the cellar with Big Jim.There's many a good tune played on an old fiddle.?

Lemongrove , the Argy has been dead for weeks. I'm sure everyone is annoyed because I borrowed the swear box. Why don't you soak your feet in the bidet?. I hear it's s all the rage with grans.
I shall come and join you for a cuppa!.

The bar is a bit dead tonight, so thought I would soak the old feet for a while ( in the ice bucket) take out my teeth, and play the piano for a bit, you hum it and I'll play it ( for a large Jack Daniels on the rocks, gratis.)??

Bad news, there is no swear box. Well, there is, but it's empty. Hand on heart, I haven't a clue what happened to the contents. ..The exchange rate was rubbish, by the way.

I am familiar with the boys in blue (in the biblical sense), as you all know, I do like a uniform.

A word of warning, I don't think the fishnet cozzie is a good idea. Chewy wore one once, but the local residents were so traumitised they needed counselling. . She is not called Chewbacca for no reason.

I am really not fond on cornflakes, so just give me the Nailley's, that will do just nicely. I would like to ask what kind of entertainment do you offer here? You do do pub games too, right? I've also had an idea what you could do with some of that sweAr box money., Seems some poor, down on their luck actors could do with earning a few bob. Maybe offer them a few bartender shifts? That Rock chap and Al Pacino would appreciate a few shifts and I said the tips would be quite good. What about organising a pub day out? That Rock fella would be good to carry several kegs and cases, he's kind of strong like that and Al's quite continental so he could knock up some fancy cocktails for us. We could maybe ask Gordon Ramsay or Jamie Oliver to throw some nice sarnied together. Sorted, but who could we get to drive the bus and where would we get a bus? I'm sure there must be some of you that are regular customers of the local boys in blue. They might be able to lend a paddy wagon and supply a driver or two? Save them the time rounding everybody up later for D & D. I've got a gorgeous fishnet swimming cozzie so maybe I could borrow a pair of those sunglasses to go with and if anyone has a spare hat too, that would be magic. I might even be able to squeeze my size 13's into those sandals you bought. Anyone suggest somewhere good?

So that's where my Bailey's went! I have been searching everywhere for it! I thought I had hidden it well.