Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

It is very difficult. If Fabrice catches sight of a mushroom he tends to squeal which frightens Antoine with generally undesirable results. They do go out but usually to a nice club with lots of other boys. They all seem to be very nice and friendly.
One of them has just called out 'cooee. We're off to check the Argy Bargy club'. So they're on their way.

Menopaws, we won't have to take our work boots off now that the gaff has been tarted up will we? We don't want it to be too "select".

Sorry Jane but they don’t sound like the kind of boys we like ( or would like us!) Still, we will give them a warm Argy welcome, and a warm beer.
Thanks Menopaws I could do with a sit down, me dogs are barking, it must be these six inch heels, but I need them as am only four feet five otherwise ( and that’s just width wise) and I need to be tall to shout ‘ git outta ma pub!’

You are kind Marydoll. How thoughtful of you to go to the trouble of making the risotto for Fabian and Antony! Did you get the mushrooms from the back of the privvy? Hope not. I sprayed them with Jeyes Fluid yesterday.

BOO

Hmmm Jane10, a fear of mushrooms, you say? That might be tricky..... The gents loos have a "fungal infection" (as in black mould spores and toadstools growing out of the corners of the lavatory pan), do you think this will cause any anaphylaxis shocks to poor old Fabrice? Similarly, Antoine's aversion to loud noises could be triggered by the sound of police raids in the early hours. But they sound like nice, delicate boys. Do they get out much?

Anyone some of the MUSHROOM risotto that I prepared for Antonine and Fabreze? I don't want it to go to waste.

Oh dear. I'm worrying about my boys now. They've been doing their hair and trying to decide what to wear for the past hour. Please be kind to them. Antoine is easily startled by sudden loud noises and Fabrice has a fear of mushrooms.

Looking forward to meeting fabric and antidote, wonder what they drink or shall we just get in fresh pork scratchings?

Ok lemon I will take back the responsibility of the cleaning and cellar of the Argy if you like, you have done your fair share so put your feet up and have a large baileys while I make it posh enough for the likes of our new visitors

Boys? Uh-oh.......... MARYDOLL!!!!!!

Am feeling a bit faint. I'll have to send Fabrice and Antoine down to see if the place is suitable for me. I do hope you'll offer them a warm welcome. They're charming boys and such a support for me.

We have an orchestra Jane10, of course we do! Marydoll is very talented on the rubber bands tied round the back of a chair. I have a set of spoons that I slap up and down my copious thighs. Menopaws has the comb and tissue paper mouth organ and Lemon is ace with a cocoa tin with some beans in it. Do you play a musical instrument of any kind? You could join our world class orchestra if you like?

Well BIG Jim has a "One man band". It's a bit ear splitting initially, but you do get use to it...eventually.

Perhaps you would like to introduce a little couture, sorry, Kultchur into the caff?

I'm game for anything, as the others will testify.

Oh dear. I've had to send for Fabrice and Antoine my 'assistants' to fan me. The Argy Bargy Tea Room and Cafeteria doesn't sound like my sort of place at all. Doesn't it even have a small orchestra? Perhaps I could book a discreet table somewhere behind the palm trees?
I may have to send my assistants down to check it out.

Jane10, just realised my post could have an entirely different meaning.
You are of course most welcome to stay as long as you want, it's just that BIG JIM is so unreliable and can't be trusted. All the Argies can testify to that. Perhaps you could travel to the Argie on the bus and use your pensioner's travel pass. That would save on petrol and give you more dosh to spend.
I'm now getting paranoid about what I post, in case I offend someone.

Chewy, please do not insult the gnat

Does Big Jim have the attention span of a gnat Marydoll? Surely he can keep his eye on such a prestigious vehicle for a couple of hours? Or have you addled his brain beyond repair? poor chap

For a few pints of Argy hooch and 20p, Big Jim is always willing to stand guard over pretentious precious vehicles.
However, he can only sustain this vigilance for a very short time, , so unfortunately your visit will have to be a short one.

You'll be glad to know that we have private car parking spaces out the back Jane10. You'll find a space next to the volkswagon golf that's up on bricks (somebody nicked the wheels). Or you can park at the side of the camper van that's had all its windows kicked in and the doors ripped off. Your Bentley should be safe there.

Will have to discuss what to wear with my maid. She's very fussy about how she turns me out in public. If I give the chauffeur the night off and drive the Bentley to the Argy Bargy cafeteria is there somewhere safe to park it?

Oh you authors and intellectuals are all the same, Paris this, Paris that.We all wear berets in the Argy and knock back pernod and discuss iconoclasts and the deep meaninglessness of life.After that, we perk up a bit, order donuts and Guinness and ogle George Clooney.Join us!

Oh is it not posh then? How disappointing. I had thought I might give the staff a night off and get my chauffeur to drive me down there tonight. Sigh. Will just have to take the private jet over to Paris for the evening.

Posh!!! I'm he least "poshest" person you will find, hence the user name. That is indeed a surprise.?I thought the café was a bit " rough and ready". It's just goes to show how everyone's perception of situation is different. I always wanted to be "posh"
We do need new blood in the Argy. I wonder how we can encourage new members. I'm sure there are people out there who would love to join, but maybe think it's a clique, which is the opposite of what we are trying to do.

Did you know that, on another thread, we at the Argy Bargy are considered to be "posh"! I've waited 60+ to be considered posh and now that I finally am, it's because of a dive like the Argy!

Good work on keeping George tethered down lemon, but keep your eye on the handcuffs.... Marydoll might find a "use" for them nudge nudge wink wink