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Can you be born unhappy?

(123 Posts)
gillybob Mon 24-Jul-17 11:13:09

Listening to a discussion on radio 4 whilst stuck in a traffic jam this morning, I was interested to hear that an "expert" (his name escapes me) said that babies/young children cannot be depressed just unhappy and that is usually as a result of "unhappiness or insecurity" being passed on to them by their parents. Depression kicks in much later.

Looking back on my life, I really can't think of a time I have been happy, I don't mean enjoying a concert or a meal I mean TRULY, unconditionally happy.

There have always been things, issues, situations, that seem to put dampers on everything. Maybe it is depression but I don't think so. I really think that I was born unhappy.

I don't think my bringing up (born in 1962) was very much different to others of the same era.

gillybob Tue 25-Jul-17 16:29:58

Oops posted too soon. Although I am very interested to learn more. You say you studied the subject. What exactly did you study ? Do you think parents are responsible for these kinds of feelings even when we become adults? Can not being told you are clever,pretty, good etc. When you are child affect us in later life without us realising it has done so?

gillybob Tue 25-Jul-17 16:25:52

Oh I didn't take it as any kind of criticism, Nonnie

Nonnie Tue 25-Jul-17 12:20:12

Sorry gilly I didn't intend it as a criticism, just one of the ways to try to think positive. I'm the last person to tell others how they should think.

petra Tue 25-Jul-17 12:16:50

KatyK
Like yours, mine was pretty bad. But like kitty I annoy people with my optimism.
When a friend or family is in a state about some minor problem, I say: " did anyone die? .....no........so what's the problem?
My daughter was born a misarable baby, was a misarable child and is now a misarable adult, hey ho grin

Norah Tue 25-Jul-17 11:56:02

Gilly, if I had guessed - you would be a defender - by your DGD school appeal if nothing else. I am a virtuoso, no surprise that.

BlueBelle Mon 24-Jul-17 21:27:08

I had a very cared for loved childhood but I was lonely as an only child and I think I was naturally lacking in confidence and that made it worse I came out of myself a bit as a teen and really built up confidence when I married and became a family until he started eroding it bit by bit doing a real good job on me and it was very easy to go back into my shell again

PoshGran Mon 24-Jul-17 21:24:44

I only caught part of How to Help Children to Feel Happy, gillybob, & intend to listen to it fully on catch-up.

hildajenniJ - an interesting quiz, thanks.

Are there any other "Advocates" out there ?

Greyduster Mon 24-Jul-17 20:02:16

Another defender here! I think, though, that if I had taken the same test twenty years ago, the results would have been totally different. I am a lot less emotionally surefooted than I was when I was before I retired. I didn't have the time to worry about things and turn every situation inside out that I do now. I agree that we are not born unhappy but are products of our upbringing. I was inwardly very unhappy as a child, and as a young adult, and spent most of my life trying to turn that round and find the confidence I never had. Never quite managed it and in older age I seem to struggle again, which does lead to periods of gloom and despondency. Fortunately DH has enough optimism, good humour and confidence for a regiment, so I try and feed off him!

BlueBelle Mon 24-Jul-17 19:15:02

I like an iPodpad too Gillybob

gillybob Mon 24-Jul-17 18:26:05

I'm gonna try and do it on DH later by put he will spend far too much time analyzing every damned answer I will end up throwing the ipodpad at him.

gillybob Mon 24-Jul-17 18:23:59

Uncanny BlueBelle grin

BlueBelle Mon 24-Jul-17 18:21:59

Gillybob I m a defender too surprise surprise ?

gillybob Mon 24-Jul-17 18:18:45

I think I must take after my late grandma who was always trying, (but not always succeeding) to sort things out and keeping our little family together. smile

I am having a very melancholy day today.

Elegran Mon 24-Jul-17 17:47:21

That was a far better personality quiz than most of the tripe on facebook.

Elegran Mon 24-Jul-17 17:45:28

As defender is spot on for you Gilly - looking after everyone and everything.

Anniebach Mon 24-Jul-17 17:44:17

It was a surprise Gilly grin

Being soft hearted is good, so you may fall a sob story which is a con but better that than disbelieve a sob story which is true

gillybob Mon 24-Jul-17 17:43:31

The voice of common sense and reason.

gillybob Mon 24-Jul-17 17:42:36

Oh yes that seems spot on for you Elegran smile

Elegran Mon 24-Jul-17 17:41:18

I am apparently a mediator!

Did you notice that when you reached the end of your explanation, you could go further and buy a Premium analysis? There is always a hook to get your money.

gillybob Mon 24-Jul-17 17:37:14

Well I never Anniebach you do surprise me grin

I double checked mine and I am still a defender. Apparently I should have been a nurse or a social worker . I always wanted to do something in the caring professions (would have loved to be a social worker but was always told I was too soft hearted and believed anyone's sob story) .

Anniebach Mon 24-Jul-17 17:12:12

I am a Campaigner !

kittylester Mon 24-Jul-17 17:11:10

Well, apparently, I'm an adventurer - which I'm pretty sure I'm not!confused

gillybob Mon 24-Jul-17 17:08:30

I am sorry for those who feel sad all the time, there is so much to be cheerful about in our lives when we look at what others have to deal with

I totally agree with this Nonnie and I too have so many things to be grateful for. A lovely husband, 3 fantastic, healthy grandchildren... It's not a case of not knowing that I am lucky (crikey I know I am) this is something entirely different. I find it hard (impossible even) to think positively about very much.

DanniRae Mon 24-Jul-17 17:07:53

I am a defender too! I enjoyed doing that, thanks hildajennij.

Tippy22 Mon 24-Jul-17 17:00:46

I don't think anybody is born unhappy just as nobody is born to be violent or a criminal, I think it's just the hand that you are dealt and how you deal with it. My daughter's in-laws have had so much heartbreak but they still have a positive outlook on life and I've seen that also so many times here on GN. It's certainly made me think again when I'm feeling unhappy.