respectful parenting

Who babysits then, if not you? Obviously, someone more respectful. My grandkids do what they're told, when I tell them!!

There are choices we should allow our wee ones to make,for instance I hated having to kiss and hug a long line of aunts and uncles after a family event...even if they all gave me a half crown as they left and as there were A LOT of them it added up to a tidy sum back in the late 50's..NO child should be made to hug anyone if they dont want to and yes that includes grannies and even mums sometimes.I remember telling my daughter about the underwaer rule and she said but its OK to let relatives see you or touch you...its NOT OK if it makes you in any way uncomfortable .So this aspect of "respectful parenting " is quite right in my eyes..as is not forcing kids to eat stuff they dont like ,well would you eat stuff just because you were told its good for you ? In our house the kids always had to knock the sitting room door after 8pm ..that was adult time and they knocked the bedroom door always from when they wer little and we knocked their bedroom doors once they passed the todler stage .Respect isn't a dirty word ,its essential for the smooth running of a family home and if they learn it at home they take it into the world with them

This type of 'respectful parenting' where young children are given too much choice is quite simply, wrong. My DD has a friend who has an only child of three. The child is given a choice of three prepared breakfasts and asked which one she would like. By all accounts, the child just folds her arms and shakes her head, after which mum rushes round distraught, trying to come up with a breakfast that the child will eat. This child has recently started nursery school, and apparently the mum takes every opportunity of keeping the child at home. How on earth is this good parenting?

Absent, I hear you on the unimportant decision front, but what happens when the answer to fish fingers or (cant remember other option) is chocolate? And if you give in to this, what if it is every day?
I remember when my eldest was young, I fell into the food trap for a while. My mother had always said i had to taste things, but didnt have to eat what i didnt like. This worked well with me, but then I loved eating - still do. With my daughter it meant that one day when she was about four, i realised that she only wanted sausages chips and eggs! We then decided that rules had to change and she had to eat what was on her plate - it took a long time to get her to understand the change and tears were plentiful (for both of us) Lesson learned. My two younger ones always had to eat what was on their plate, and will now eat pretty much whatever is served, with few exceptions.
We are bringing up people (who will one day be adults and have to adapt to society), not little kings and queens. If we consent their every whim when they are young, what will happen when they find they cant have their own way ALL THE TIME?

No cuddles? You don't have many years of those and they need to be enjoyed by both sides -children & adults. And adults should always be in charge, gradually letting children make more & more (supported) choices.

Lol @ninathenana good point! :D

This isn't just a problem here. We were in Shanghai recently and it's a real problem in China.... where the legacy of one child is currently biting them on the bum.

What has happened is that the precious single children... who have been cossetted and spoiled throughout their lives... are now growing up and taking their place in the community.

And frankly they're a nightmare !

They're so used to being feted and adored, that the minute they don't get their own way, all hell breaks loose.

Imagine this in a working environment !

And because spoiled boys are marrying spoiled girls... the Chinese are having to face another challenge too... divorce.

This sound like an excuse to let the little darlings do as they please instead of parents being parents.

Been in childcare fir fifteen years and what a stupid way to be !! We have to adhere to eyfs guidelines it's all about the child but what happens when that child becomes an adult? Surely respect love and confidence is the basics it's getting past the point and so am I???

I think – and also thought when my daughter was young – that it was a good idea to let children make unimportant choices as practice for the time when they would have to make important choices. Do you want to wear the red tee shirt or the blue tee shirt? Do you want chicken nuggets or fish fingers for lunch?

In terms of respect, I always reckoned the easiest way to learn the please and thank you thing was never to forget it myself. So, at bath time, for example, I would say "Please will you stand up now" and say "Thank you" when absentdaughter did. Easy peasy and the process became automatic for her.

Apparently respectful parenting doesn't apply to adults and their parents. I am pleased to say absentdaughter has the utmost respect for me as a parent, an adult, a professional and a grandmother.

P.s. My youngest grandson (recently two-years-old) claps his hands when his mum turns the car into my drive because it signals a "granna day". She would too, but her hands are on the wheel.

I think my daughter has a pretty good idea how I'd respond to respectful parenting..

I hate this fad. Fortunately my DDs haven't fallen for it but some of their friends have. It must be so painful for you Tiggersuki

Children need boundaries - end of.

annsixty says it all!

It makes my sayings redundant:

'Just who is the adult here?' and
'Just what part of No don't you understand?'

No Granny cuddles unless instigated by the child - so no spontaneity in parenting or grandparenting at all.

Actually annsixty didn't say it all because I have put my two penn'orth in too!

One of these achingly trendy parents is OP's own child. How did their relationship descend to this regime? How very sad, no credibility given to sensitivity or common sense. Just one way respect according to the rules, someone is seriously insecure.

What absolute testicles! (Me being polite)

So sick of all the fads and fancies attached to bringing up babies/children.

As a long time parent and grandparent I thought I'd heard it all but this takes the biscuit. I always thought respect was a two-way street. Silly me.

ann ?????

Balderdash.

Just read the OP again. The baby can solicit a hug from her, but she cannot solicit a hug from him

Just googled it and in principle it sounds like the parenting methods most of us will have used for donkey's years, caring for our children, noticing their individual needs and traits of personality and supporting them.

However, it does sound very cold and clinical, talking to children as if they were an adult - yet researchers say babies learn language by the bibble babble of baby language and nothing, that I could see about cuddles and love and interaction between parent and child, the parent seems to be the child's servant and not allowed any personality of their own.

As I understand it, if your very young child chooses only to eat icecream and wants to walk to the shop naked from the waist down, you respect their views and choices and let them do it.

I think it is a money spinner for the author of this new fad way of parenting, almost every site had her name on it.

Sounds like the Aldi advert pensionpat I could imagine my son having that kind of conversation with his girls though.

I ve never heard of this I m glad it hasn't made its way to my part of the world Parents need to be parents not friends or subordinates to the child
Is it US thingy?
Totally out of order of the parents to not allow you any contact Have you got any other grandkids or is the only one? Sounds really difficult for you I m afraid I d have to say something to them sounds completely loopy let's hope the school sorts him out or will he be home schooled so the awful teachers don't disrespect him Gosh poor kid is going to grow up to be a male diva

Oh Lor Nanabilly....that way madness lies. I was a Pre-School leader and saw only trouble and endless problems when parents refused to be the grown-ups in the relationship.
I could write chapter and verse as to why it is a dangerous and scientifically unsound approach.....but I simply cannot be bothered.

Children can be given too much choice/power. I overheard a man say to his very young daughter " I like this one, but Mummy likes this one. Which do you think we should buy?" They were discussing the purchase of a vacuum cleaner! Good grief!