How do I get people to understand what it is like to experience a Terroist attack

1974cookie This must be so hard for you and the posts indicate that everyone must deal with this in their own way.

I have no real experience of terrorism but was at the Manchester Arena the night before the bomb and had a sister and niece in the area of the London Bridge incident. Needless to say this has given me a great deal to think about.

I have considered how much worse such attacks would be in small towns without the security resources available in cities. This was brought home yesterday when in town with two of my grand daughters a street sign crashed to the ground in the strong wind. I instinctively grabbed both girls and turned them into the wall beside us, ready to cover them with my body. Another elderly lady beside us was visibly shaken.

Apart from being vigilant and just carrying on with our lives I can see no other way to behave but we should all be patient and understanding of each other as some people have had terrible experiences that we can know nothing about.

W11girl, well done, must haunt you a bit at times,I hate being on the underground,don't have to do it that often, but really have to grit my teeth.

I was minutes away from an IRA bomb in Hampstead Village in the 1970's...first I knew about it was when a policeman shouted to get down....he then ferried us out of imminent danger. It did not affect me in an way. However, since then when travelling around public places in London, and particularly on the tube, I have always quietly observed the environment around me and particularly people standing on either side of me. The only time I feel a little nervous is when travelling to the US for some unknown reason. So, the thoughts never leave you about what could have happened, but I'm not going to let it take over my life and curb my freedom!

My mother & gran lived in London in the war, they had an Anderson shelter in the garden. Years later when my gran lived with us ,& I was a young child she would usher us under the stairs every time we heard thunder or an aeroplane overhead. I can remember asking her why & assuring her it wasn't a bomb raid, but she still insisted we stayed there until the danger had passed!

As a small child in WW11 I experienced air raids. We lost our home one day when our street came under attack. I will never forget how it all went black although it was a daytime raid. We were lucky many more were not
I cannot sleep in a room unless there is a light on no matter how dim.It has never left me.

I'm going to see Guns n Roses in London on 16th and staying overnight. I weighed up the risks and thought WTF. Being in a wheelchair I'm at risk but I'm still going.

I'm going to se

I am so sorry for the delay in replying Gransnetters, but I had to go into work today.
Sorry that I did not make myself clear re: a visit. I was referring to London.
I have been fine, I think, after that 1976 bombing. I have been to London several times since then in recent years ( although not to the Ideal Home exhibition). However the recent attacks have really unsettled me to the point where I do not want to visit what was once my hometown. My Partner loves going there for the day, and my Sister, who is wheelchair dependant, is itching to see the Xmas lights this year.
I guess that you could say that they feel, like many people, that it could not happen to them, and that we must not let the B's stop us from living our lives.
I thought that way too.
Once.
I don't think that it is PTSD as such. I just think that it is more of an awareness of how it can happen to any of us, and that however we like to think, not one of us is exempt from an attack.

Sounds like you may have PTSD ...in which case you could ask your doc for a referral die treatment (not sure if it is available on the NHS any more) Someone mentioned EMDR you can look this up online, It is Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing in its full title, and involves the practitioner moving a finger back and forth in front of your eyes, I only know this because I worked in an MH Unit and one of our Nurse Practitioners was at that time one of very few people in the UK to use this ...it was regarded with suspicion by a lot of people, and he used it first of all following the crash of the airliner onto the M1 at Kegworth ...and also with traumatised Miners (this was in Nottinghamshire) ......the practise came over from the USA but many of the patients he treated said it did make a difference ! Mental health is currently a topic of interest to politicians ...you could ask your local MIND if they know of anyone in your area who practices this ! Good luck

Don't try and get people to understand what a past trauma makes you feel like, cookie. Just state what you are prepared to do and what you will not do. You can even tell them that it doesn't matter if they don't understand; you don't expect them to, but what you say about what you'll do is how it is.

When I totalled our car in icy conditions it was several years before I would drive at all when there was even a trace of white stuff about. One of the people I worked with at the time told me, after she'd had a similar scare, that she finally knew how I had felt. She admitted that before that she had thought I was over-reacting. I tell that story just to illustrate that people often can't understand someone else's worst fears. They can, however, be patient and accepting in a fait accompli sort of way.

1974Cookie, so sorry to read of what you have been through & really that is the point isn't it, it is you who went through that terrible experience & it should be only you who decides how to deal with it & where you want to go. I do not think it is right for anyone else to prod you into going against yourself .Do not feel bad about your decision they have absolutely no right to pressurise you in this way. Hold your head up & don t give it another thought don't let them get you down with their well intentioned opinions, they should respect your decision .

1974cookie, the answer is that only someone who has been through any situation can understand it. I lived and worked in Belfast during the Troubles and there is no doubt that it has long term effects. Unless it totally dominates your life to the point of making it impossible to go out at all, do what is best for you. It isn't simply a case of "getting over it" or "not letting them win".

1974cookie, as someone else said, smell is the most difficult sensory memory to eradicate. In 1976 trauma reactions were still misunderstood & dismissed, especially for by-standers. The specific trauma treatments for defusing such memories, such as EMDR, Eft & NLP rewind techniques, were not developed until the 1980s. When I learnt EMDR from the original developers it was not accepted & ridiculed by mainstream psychologists. Then there was a sudden change & it was often used as a quick fix cure all. All of these methods are very effective if used properly. I used to find the strongest memories were fuelled by previous experiences & fanned by future life events. I find people have to be ready to let go of the memories as they may be a useful reminder of something that makes sense of their history, even though their original use as a survival strategy is well past it's sell-by-date.

To answer your question, there is a lot on-line now your family & friends can read to help them understand. However, put the same person in the same trauma & they will all experience it differently. You might have experienced your trauma differently at another time in your life. It is a mix of the objective psychological facts of trauma with your own subjective experience of it. Many people are also very resistant to facing it too, even professionals.
When running training courses for people whose role was to give immediate help after a traumatic event, I was constantly horrified by how many complained if they were shown videos or given any kind of experiential training so they could learn how differently people respond in that situation. In the end I found it enough to get a group sitting comfortably then announce they had to change seats. That bought forth the whole range of trauma reactions including anger & botter complaints.
From the mid 1980s a lot of community outreach used to be done to reach people like you to provide information, support & self help ideas. Reactions like survivor guilt which meant people felt they didn't deserve help could also be addressed The medicalisation of trauma & focus on individual treatment of the most affected has meant these wider preventative approaches declined.
If your symptoms really get in the way of your life, do seek help though NHS waiting lists are long.

Forgive me if I've gone on a bit but this subject has been close to my heart for 30 yrs & I hate it when I hear people have suffered unnecessarily.

Like Louise, my immediate thought was EMDR. It's used by the military on traumatised soldiers and there is scientific evidence that it works. Probably not available on the NHS but if you Google you can find a local practitioner.

I think you probably have some PTSD from your awful shock. I cancelled a work trip to the US in September 2001 after the 9/11 attacks, because it would have been Heathrow to Newark, the two most heavily patrolled airports at the time. My children begged me not to go.

In the end, it's your life and you can live it how you want to. It's all very well to have the attitude to 'carry on' but if you have already explained your reasons then you really must do as YOU want, not what everybody else wants.

I have never been in your particular situation, but what I do know is that people deal with life situations in different ways to others, we're not all the same.

It must be hard for you to come to terms with and honestly if I was in that position I probably may have felt the same. We cannot let these people win, what do we do we do as we normally do carry on the British are great at carry on.
I have a daughter who works in London, she likes to go for a drink with friends and eat in restaurants, she has always loved London.
My heart is thumping away every day because I am so scared but my daughter insists that she will not let them win. She texts me every morning to say she has arrived.
Do what you think is right for you,never mind what other people say.

It isn't about letting 'them win', GannyRowe, the OP is describing some form of post traumatic response.
There are some good therapies, EMDR does have results. I'm not convinced cbt is the cure all it's sometimes sold as but I do know people who had help with anxiety disorders.
The important thing is to recognise you can be helped then to fund an accredited therapist whose reputation you researched. Your GP could refer on tho cuts mean longer waiting lists. I've also hear stories of people being offered CBT on line, something I wouldn't recommend.
Best of luck

Sorry if this sounds hard, but if this experience is so affecting your life even now, they have won! Get help. Well cannot let these b******s win!

Having survived the 11 September 2001 attacks on Manhattan I found it impossible to share my experience in any meaningful way.

...one day we will take their Declarations of War seriously.

Hopefully by then we will not be calling them soldiers and paying their pensions.

So sorry 1974 cookie, talk to a professional, I am sure it might help, and dont feel forced to go wherever you are supposed to be going, it has to feel right. The recent attacks do make everyone feel uneasy, and you must feel more so. We all try to get on wih our lives normally, but it isnt easy with armed police in place, but it is reassuring.
Enjoy your day, and keep safe.

You cannot explain unless the person has been in a similar situation.
We were in Cyprus in 1974, when the war started. When we arrived home my father died suddenly, I was never asked how I was or what it had been like there.
I just bottled it up over the years, I still have nightmares about parachchutes landing and bodies in the street.
I have never been back although a very dear friend now lives there and is always asking me to visit.

I'm sorry to hear that you still feel like you do 1974cookie perhaps; like others have suggested; it would do you good to go and talk to someone about this/ get CBT or whatever is appropriate. I found EMDR therapy helped me overcome a traumatic incident that had happened many years ago to me and it no longer affects my life. www.counselling-directory.org.uk/emdr.html The other thing I saw this week that I thought can help put things like this into perspective was this chart so thought I'd share it here.

I have lived through numerous terrorist attacks as I lived in Israel (I was lucky to get out alive each time). Although it was an incredibly traumatic time seeing people killed in front of me and bullets whizzing past my head but I'm of the opinion that I'm not ever going to stop living my life. If it's my time to go then so be it. No one will understand your experience other than you so no amount of explaining it to your family will make a difference. I chose not to explain the horrors I endured to my own family as I would only be projecting my fear upon them. We only learn by our own experiences. If you are still feel traumatised by your experience maybe counselling will help? It is difficult as we so want to protect our family, but I've learned that if I don't let go of my anxiety for them it actually hinders both of us.

Carry on as normal yes, but it will probably stay with you. It will only get you down if you let it. Every time there is a terrorist attack I am taken back to the July bombings in London. All communications went down and we knew nothing. My boss was at a Home Office meeting that day and coincidentally, my husband was attending a conference at the Ministry of Defence. Even though I worked for the police there was no way I could get any information. I will never forget the gut-wrenching fear all that day until about 9.00pm when he rang me from the train as communications had been restored. He just got on the first train out of London vaguely heading west and ended up in Winchester. My son lives in Romsey so he went to pick him up and took him to Salisbury. In the meantime I drove to Salisbury to meet up with them in the car park. Then we had to go to Chippenham to pick up his car.
We have only been back to London once to an exhibition at the British Museum and doubt we will ever go there again or any other big city. My utmost respect and support for those who live and work in London and for the families of those who have been murdered.
My son sometimes accuses me of wanting to live in the 1950s and he is right, I would. Even though bad things happened now and then I think we were much, much safer.