Unforgivable or understandable

Perfectly accceptable in the 21st century Ann

I think that is perfectly fine Ann and easier for her to deal with at the moment.

Ann you sent a message and that is what counts.

You will be there for her when the others have gone back home.

Be gentle with yourself as well as others Ann. You did what you could and I still appreciate those who contacted me, in any way, when I faced bereavement or difficult life events. Look after yourself x

You did what you could Ann, sympathy is comforting in whatever form it arrives. Take time to come to terms with things yourself too.

ann all any of us can do is what is possible for us as individuals. Your friend will understand your limitations, please don't worry, you've expressed your feelings in the way that you could, you can't do more. It's been a hugely upsetting time for you too, please allow yourself your own space to grieve. . As cherrytree says when family has to return to their day to day lives you will be there, wanted and needed by your friend who is grieving in her own way. Take care.

Sorry Ann I think I should have started with YES not a No
Apologies

No you have done what you can.
You were there to help out initially and you have taken in flowers on her behalf.
A kind e-mail is the best you can do at present.
Every one deals with death in their own way.
Later on when the flowers have died and the cards have taken down , the family will return to their daily life and she will then be left with her grief, I'm sure at that point she will more thsn welcome a friend such as you *Ann".

I have a similar problem, I put a sentence asking for understanding. Not too long (or it sounds like hi-jacking!). Something like:
I am typing / emailing / texting so that you can understand what I write.
I have had nothing but understanding, and I hope you find the same.