Grandson smacks his mummy.

Ok handmadedogsweaters - you're bitey toddler is now 12 and nicking stuff fro shops, hanging around the older kids who shoplift, deal drugs and rob houses. Do you replicate that behaviour as a means of teaching them not to do it? Before you tell me that slapping, hitting and shouting will stop the toddler becoming a shop lifter, burglar, car thief, drug dealer - it won't, it absolutely won't. The adolescents who follow that path have often received the kind of parenting you advice. Not all of them, some ok parents like most of us here can find ourselves confronted with an out of control adolescent but violence is never, ever the answer.

Bluebe11 I did that with DGD when she pinched my cheeks very hard - looking lovingly into my eyes as she did it!

'Oh, poor, poor Granny, sob, sob, that hurts, kiss me better!'
So she did, looking very contrite.

Thank you for most of the posts. Much appreciated. My daughter also posted on mumsnet and got a few pointers from mums.

When my friends son did this she pretended to burst into tears and sobbed loudly, totally OTT .... he soon came and hugged her and it didn't happen again !!

Lollllllllllllllllll

Some children do smack without ever having been, or seen anyone else smacked. It's usually a short lived phase, often when the child doesn't have the words to express their feelings. One of my grandchildren had a similar phase in the period before his 2nd birthday. His mummy would say ' hands are never for hurting'
It isn't ever correct to respond to a child who has smacked, bitten, kicked etc by doing the same thing to them. As most posters here agree, how can you teach a child not to do something by repeating the behaviour yourself.

Most wee children seem to slap to get attention - I don't think they know that it hurts.
When my DGD did it, her mummy took both her hands and said firmly "Gentle hands!', turning it into a caress. It worked very well indeed, and I would recommend this method. Being angry and hitting back is giving the wrong message altogether, especially with the very young.

Then send him up the chimney to complete his education.
Times and child care methods have changed a lot since I had my children, I do agree that smacking is not the answer, the method advocated by Nfkdumpling for children and dogs works for me. I can do ' the look ' luckylegs really scares my husband

They could feed him bread and water too to show they really mean it.

Good idea Jalima, why didn`t I think of that.?

That'll do the trick hmds

What about a cane? Or strap?

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I think with some young children hitting is instinctive.
Our eldest, aged about 3, was eating a lolly and the neighbourhood toddler bully grabbed it from him. Son paused, then gave a perfect right hook to the bully's face, who dropped the lolly and went off crying.
I'm sure son had never seen a punch before. We didn't even have a TV.

Never hit back. Say no very firmly and withdraw a bit. Be consistent!

Where did he learn to hit people, he must have seen someone doing it?
Not necessarily! My friend and I didn't go round biting or scratching people.
I think sometimes it is a reaction to the invasion of a toddler's space by another person.

as for biting back - isn't that assualt?
It depends who bites back - very tiny DD and her equally tiny friend (under two, both of them) came in, shocked and howling their eyes out and presenting scratches and a bite they had inflicted on each other. Mummies both said 'well, we keep telling you not to bite or scratch other people, it hurts'.
Each met their match and neither bit or scratched anyone again.

Big mistake to tap him back..Its telling him its acceptable. Where did he learn to hit people, he must have seen someone doing it?

it makes me sad to think that shouting at a toddler is ok too..... so what are we teaching him - how to shout?

this little lad is just finding a way to express his anger at being apart from his mum - and of course he doesn't yet know how to do that....

love the idea of turning a 'hit' into a caress and/or putting him straight down and ignoring for a very short time - seconds would work - because we need to be careful we are not adding to the his possible feelings of rejection.

as for biting back - isn't that assualt?

I agree, never smack back, put his arms down and say, that's wrong, you don't hit anyone, give me a big hug to say you won't e ear do it again. Most mothers develop "the look", apparently I still have it. So my 6' plus son tells me, I asked them once why the look bothered them when I had never hit them, they said they didn't know, but there was always a first time, this was said tongue in cheek, but I do think it's worth developing for extreme situations.

I would just say 'no' very firmly and move away and leave him on his own to do something else, he will soon get the message.

And DD (and I too) do say 'NO' firmly and hold th hand so she cant do it. And dont laugh when she does, look stern. It's sometimes difficult!

...... on the shoulder very gently but hard enough to make him squeal..

Just grab his hand, look him in the eyes and say 'NO!' very loudly. Then tell him it is VERY NAUGHTY! He will soon get the message.

My nearly two year old GD does this, and her mum , my DD tells her to stop and if she persists, puts her in a naughtily corner while counting to 10. It works for a while but she does it again,(and to me too) - she thinks it's funny. But I think she's gradually getting the message.

I was once bitten by a 2 yo which made me jump because it was so unexpected. What I did then was bite the toddler on the shoulder very gently but hard enough to make him squeal with a very stern NO. However I would never advocate smacking or biting but he did not, to my knowledge, bite anyone ever again. Sometimes drastic and dramatic measures are the best in the long run.