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I just wonder…

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absent Fri 28-Apr-17 07:30:56

These days it seems to me that many grandparents have willingly taken on sizeable childcare responsibilities that are generally far more demanding than those of our parents' generation. At the same time, although family estrangement has always happened – "never darken my doors again" – this heartbreaking situation looks as if it has also become more common and, possibly, more intransigent.

So I just wonder what the next generation and their children are going to feel and how they are going to regard parents and grandparents – not just when our young people grow up but also as they grow older. Will those who have cut themselves off from their own parents find that they reap what they have sown and their own children cannot bear them or that their children hold them closer? Will those whose parents altered their plans for retirement, spent money that they could not afford in order to help their families be disregarded and laughed off as fools? Will they model themselves on their parents who have loved, cherished and cared for their grandchildren and love, cherish and care themselves?

The family is the first social group in any child's life – and humans are social animals. A serious, long-term, breakdown of family would, in my opinion, inevitably lead to a breakdown in society.

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Christinefrance Fri 28-Apr-17 07:50:11

Oh absent that is a sad view things. There are problems within families as you say but there are also uplifting stories which don't get mentioned so much. There are three generational families where elderly or frail parents are being cared for alongside young children. The grandparents who help their families with child care and finances with a happy heart. I know personally of a friend who cared for her own parents and her in-laws through illness and infirmity as well as bringing up her children.
We hear such a lot on GN about family estrangement it would be good to have a positive thread.

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Lillie Fri 28-Apr-17 08:00:46

This can be turned into a positive, but it depends so much on each individual.
In our case MIL did absolutely nothing for our children, verging on neglect, and we vowed that when our own GC came along we would be quite the opposite and almost go overboard, as we now do! So, although our own children lost out on the love and support of GPs, (my parents died young), the next generation has infact gained in abundance from the situation. Hopefully our own children will carry on the good work, but we are under no illusions and wouldn't dream of seeing it as a foregone conclusion or as a right.

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kittylester Fri 28-Apr-17 08:44:55

I agree with your point about breakdown of family leading to breakdown of society bit I think that most families are just doing their best for everyone. They might fight, argue, jostle but that's families.

I learnt how not to 'do' family from my mum but I hope we have set a good example to our own children. From their behaviour towards us, their siblings, their own children and their nephews and neices, it seems we have.

I don't think it is all doom and gloom just lots of families quietly getting on with life. I also think GN isn't totally representative of RL.

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