Going to a wedding alone...

* saak* did I say it was tongue in cheek? I think on this thread there has been a lot of helpful and supportive advice for the OP, including from me. But I have now made a completely sensible suggestion - she's got to make her mind up, think about others and if she can't face it, tell them asap that she's not going and explain - she says the MOB is a very old friend.

The OP obviously is having anxiety about driving miles to go to a wedding on her own and you tell her "tongue in cheek" that you still don't forgive a couple of people that didn't go. Weird to say such things as a jest, weird.

I'll probably regret asking this saak but what's weird?

Sorry - need for edit button, again.
Shizam, if it's going to be a miserable experience, with an anxious build up,make your mind up and if you aren't going, give them decent notice with a very simple explanation as to why not. if you decide to go, stop worrying and enjoy the bits you can enjoy.

At least you got short notice Rigby - a key family member simply didn't arrive, we were told by one of her immediate family that she couldn't face the drive.

Is that supposed to be a funny tongue in cheek thing Rigby? Pretty weird.

How soon is the wedding? You do know that there is a special place in hell reserved for people who change their minds about coming to a wedding at short notice don't you? <sends evil thoughts to two people who did this at my dd's wedding nine years ago and I've neither forgotten nor forgiven> ?

I'm another saying don't go if you don't want to. Just politely decline. I get asked to go to many a thing and everyone knows I'd rather poke sharp sticks in my eyes than drive miles on my own to make polite conversation with people who aren't in my small social circle these days. It's ok to not want to.

Don't go!

Guess this is the thing. As we get older, getting out of your comfort zone gets harder. When I was young, thought nothing of travelling to all sorts of places alone. Parties, abroad, etc solo. Now it's a challenge. Have turned down three party invites recently as couldn't face doing them alone. If the ex-husband was still with me, he was always fairly useless in social situations, I was the social one.
But it's just that not arriving at places looking like the one who failed to get or hang on to a partner. Think this wedding invite is crystallising my fears of getting old on my own. And it's scary.

I've been to a couple of weddings solo, two Hindu in the UK and a Moslem one in Tunis, despite being a WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) all involving overnight stays. People were lovely and I had a great time. At my granddaughter's wedding I was seated at a table with some lovely people as my son, the bride's father, was divorced from her mother, which could have had the potential awkwardness.

Out of my usual comfort zone- the bridegroom was a barrister!

Oh Marmight how amazing, the Temple Church! Did a walk around the Inns of Court on my last London visit. Amazing area, but a wedding in the church. You move in select circles!!

Good advice above. I have managed 3 solo weddings since being widowed. The last 2 were fine as family and friends were there but the first was a big do in London involving 2 nights in a hotel. I'm quite gregarious and although a little nervous, soon palled up with the bride's aunt who invited me to share a breakfast table and once at the wedding I was seated with some lovely people - one wrote the gardening page in the Times, so plenty to talk about! As others have said, if you really dont feel comfortable about the whole thing, don't go. I just looked upon it as yet another tick in the 'do it alone' box and made up my mind to have a really good time. I met loads of people I wouldn't normally have come across, saw parts of London I'd never normally see - the wedding was in the Temple Church in the Inns of Court - and stayed in a rather splendiferous hotel !

Are any of the other guests staying in the same place as you? Ask your friend saying you would like to share a taxi with them if there is someone. You won't then arrive alone.
I would look at the area and plan something else to do whilst you are there- walk, historical building visit or such. Then you can pretend it's just a short break and push the wedding to the back of your mind. You could tell your friend about your fears and ask her to get the best man to keep an eye on you.

Shizam it would have been easy NOT to invite you but your friend did. She must want you there. I suspect the day will go by and you will hardly be aware of who is with who..except maybe for the bride & groom!
Go with a positive spirit, be prepared to enjoy an early night if the dancing does not appeal but you may be surprised and have a lot of fun! Look forward to hearing about the day!

Another negative one here.
If it was fairly local where I could go to the ceremony, then the meal and then make my excuses and leave I would consider it but not two days to fill and then staying in an inn with no-one I knew that would be far too much.
If they are really good friends they will totally understand.

I wouldn't go either because I loathe misery. I'd send a lovely note and gift and be done.

Shizam - I differ- I would say don't go! Is it worth weeks of anxiety for one expensive day or two?

Send a bigger cheque with your polite refusal and relax!

[Fortunately at 86 I can use my age as an excuse!]

I do think a lot will depend on the sort of person you are. It's no use pretending that everyone is equally happy or confident in such situations. My mother, although probably a bit of an extreme case, would have run a mile - it would have been a nightmare for her.

I will go against the grain here, and say that if you really are dreading it, and it's going to be something of an ordeal for you, then don't go - and don't feel bad about It!

I often think that one of the advantages of getting older is that you no longer necessarily feel you HAVE to do or go to things just because you feel you ought to.

Shizam. I am afraid I would have to decline my old friends' invitation. I am a confident person, but I could not go through 2 days in the situation you describe. If it was a one day affair I could deal with it knowing that I would be able to slip away home virtually unnoticed! I am about to attend a similar event with my husband, who will not be allowed to sit with me as he is giving his daugther away and then has to sit with the estranged family. I don't know anybody and barely know the daughter. Its one day thank goodness! I have every intention of slipping away when the time is right.

I went to my lovely friends wedding on my own. It was the first big occasion since my marriage broke up. My dear friend had arranged with another guest, who i slightly knew to almost be my plus one. Her poor husband was slightly sidelined but he clearly didn't seem to mind. Of course, there were moments when I felt awkward but overall it was a lovely day and I was so glad i had made the effort. Oh, and when I had had enough i kissed my chaperone and the bride and groom and went on my merry way. They all understood perfectly well.

Good luck Shizam knock 'em dead with glamour...

Lol radicalnan I know how you feel!

Am currently reading a brain training book, it's actually for riding, but seems so relevant for much of how I approach life. Negative self talk, as Dannierae said, needs to be rearranged, and as nannarose says, invite is because someone actually wants me there, not because I'm an obligatory relative! Need to finish book and practise what it preaches!