After Mum's funeral

I do agree but I so hope I have been a better mum to my children despite the experiences I had with mine! Iyswim (me as well gilly ) I am certain that Lucky is, so why did ours not learn from their experiences?

My mum probably did do her best but that doesn't stop me wishing she had been less critical etc.

mumofmadboys you are right. I do realise that my own mother's problems were to some extent not of her making - an intelligent woman held back by the attitudes to women in her day. But it is a disappointment that she allowed it to make her bitter and seemed unable to rise above it. And we all paid the price.

Kitty has indeed done a good job and discharged her duties with moments of desperation but many others of humour. What would we do without a sense of humour?

Well done Kitty being a good daughter to the end. You can feel 'job well done'. Perhaps your mum was as good a mum as she could be in her circumstances and with her personality traits.

As Forest Gump said "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one you're gonna get" so true.

Your relationship with your mum kittylester reminded me of the coffee cream in the box, difficult to like. The last time you tasted it, it was yucky. But when you were forced to eat it again, it turned out better than you remembered. (Maybe they had changed the recipe ever so slightly)

Ha ha ha you didn't know I was a philosopher did you?

I used to enjoy reading about your visits to your mum kittylester

You've all been very kind but lots of you are like me. I really wanted just to say that I've been mulling things over. It's as POGS said really.The last few years with mum haven't been as bad as the preceeding ones!!

I'm in agreement with Tizliz and Lucky - it's too late for me to have the mum I feel I should have had but I have lots of lovely friends, both in rl and gn, and a great family.

A day of sadness, tempered with happiness, so now you can perhaps sit back and relax. You deserve it.

Stansgran that's exactly right well said.

Everyone should have a daughter like you Kitty.

Kitty So glad you have your family back. My DM was described as 'a character' by her friends when she died, but like you with your DM, it can be hard being the child of a character! You were wonderful with your endless patience and care, so now take time for you.

She was a lucky woman to have a dutiful daughter like you kitty and I have admired your kindness and caring for her. She sounds to have been a formidable lady and despite everything will have left a hole in your life. Take care of yourself now.

I can only say, based in my own experiences Kitty ....'it's over, you are free' (((hugs)))

kitty

Relatives we've got whether we like them or not
Friends they come and go

I do hope your friends stay and that you continue to forge good relationships with your relatives too.

I have admired your consistent care for and bravery about your mum, kitty.

Glad all went well Kitty and things are now good with the rest of your family. You make an interesting point about bereavement cards. I don't like ones which look like birthday cards and never wanted to display them when my parents died. It is difficult to know what to say when the death is actually a release from dementia or other severe illness. My DM had a devastating stroke but lived a further ten months (many years ago) so expressions of sorrow for our loss did not seem appropriate. I usually put 'you are in our thoughts' (or prayers if I think it would be welcomed) but I wish I could do better

When our parents depart this earth. there is a shifting of the sands of time
Hard to put your finger on other than you have moved up to the top branch of the tree.

kitty

I am glad that the funeral is behind you now. It is indeed a time for reflection - I well remember it. Like you the process of ensuring my mother got the proper care she needed brought our family closer, as did all the things that needed sorting afterwards.

It is hard to mourn a person with whom one had a problematical relationship, and I think that tizliz has summed it up in "Now I just miss not having a mother, not the mother I had." That really resonates with me.

I too will miss your Mum's little verbal gems! - and hope that the closeness with your siblings will continue into the future.

I was in precisely your situation kitty apart from having siblings.
When my mother finally died the overwhelming feeling was of something being lifted from me, followed by the knowledge and peace of mind that I had done everything I could for her for nearly 70 years.
It will be 10 years in June and those feelings have never changed.
I hope you have some time entirely for you and your family and no guilty feelings. I had none.

Thanks for letting us know kitty, I hope you continue to have happy relationships with the rest of your family.

Yes, me too kitty - I know you had a difficult relationship but your stories from the care home were priceless!

kitty

Forgive me if I have mistaken the thought process behind your post but it sounds as though the funeral has proved to be the final act of such a deep cathartic time/episode in your life.

I am glad all went well and I hope the relationship with your brothers continues to give you all joy , happiness and most of all a loving bond between you all forever.

You can also be proud of the care you gave your mum and that will be something you can carry with you for ever too. I will miss your posts telling of us your mums little oddities.

.

When my mother died I felt guilty that I was not sad. I was very surprised at how many grand and great grand children came to the funeral. It seems that in later life she changed her attitude but never to me. Now I just miss not having a mother, not the mother I had. It has however, brought me nearer to my eldest sister who did manage to repair her relationship but understands how I feel.

Families - can't live with them or without them

As usual and like many people, I never know what to say.

I didn't really know about your mother, Kittylester but it's always a time for reconsidering life, isn't it?