Empathy

Thanks pollyperkins, clear and straightforward

Although having now looked up the definitions it may be the other way round!!! Not what i was taught at university many years ago im sure. Maybe the meanings have changed!

My understanding is that sympathy means sharing the emotion; empathy is understandin g another's feelings but not sharng them.
I cannot sympathise with a refugee or a bereaved person unless i am or have been in the same situation. But i can empathise and offer help.
I know this is not the way these words are generally used but I believe these are the correct definitions.

Yes I do especially if it's a death having lost many members of our family including my son.

MOnica, I haven't seen anyone here suggest that to feel empathy means you understand what the other person is feeling. It means feeling empathy for the situation the find themselves in. Most of us will have experienced the death of a loved one. We may go through similar well recognised feeling associated with bereavement but not one of us will respond in the same way.

i dislike the over emoting that is seen on tv shows like Jeremy Kyle, or reality tv but that doesn't mean I take the views expressed by some, who put all 'the younger generation' together and suggest they 'get a grip'. Learning to manage our emotions in a healthy way is a key life skill, as we're seeing again with toddler grandson ?

Gosh what an interesting discussion. I am embarrassingly over emotional at times and tend to cry if someone else is upset and crying. And feel at an utter loss as to what to do or say. Yet if I am upset, I am not very keen on being hugged as it makes me cry more!

No Anya...but some people do....

Not everybody wants a prayer.

I think empathy is an over-used word and I ma deeply suspicious of anyone who uses it. Too often it is used as a form of internal self- congratulation, when speaking to someone who is going through some kind of difficulty in life. The 'I know how you feel' comment. Well, no, actually, you don't.

How can anyone empathise with someone, even if you have both shared a similar experience? You are not the other person, you cannot possible understand their internal emotional drivers.

I can sympathise with someone's plight, I can try and understand, how they feel about it, but I can never put myself in their shoes, and it is self-glorification to think I can.

As for feeling sometimes that someone should just get a grip. I think that is a reasonable feeling to have. We all know people who see every tiny setback as a major disaster or upset if anyone ever makes a remark to them that isn't totally affirming in every way.

All our reactions to other people are based on our own personal assessments of the situations they face, but empathy? deeply doubtful.

There has always been depression, self harm etc, thankfully these are now spoken of and support given, but still understanding is needed as your views show radicalan , asking where is the persons backbone is the same as telling a suffering to pull themselves together

After the two wars many who suffered in battle didn't talk and this caused distress in many families

I feel empathy when I have experienced similar illness problem etc.
Sympathy is what I have a problem with.
I believe that in most cases pro action is required be that by the person themselves or by another.
Offering help such as taking a friend to a hospital appointment or looking after grandchildren when a parent ill. If someone is down cooking them a meal or even just giving them an ear.
All better than sympathetic noises
Charities are proactive
I would imagine that lot of charitable money made is through the donor having empathy.
For example, themselves or family member living through particular illness.

Great question. It often crosses my mind.

Mostly I can empathise, but sometimes I cannot. I do sometimes feel genuinely distant and unable to relate, and find myself screaming inside, where's your empathy, where's it gone today? I think your ability to empathise is down to your mood at that particular time.

I've never told someone to get a grip, although I might feel like saying it, especially to someone who just can't seem to deal with things. But then I turn the tables and imagine how devastated I'd feel, being on the receiving end of someone's "get a grip"!

Absolute epidemic of 'empaths' now among young people who claim that they 'feel everything' that others do, seems to me like an excuse to be miserable as they never feel joy from others only misery. This attention seeking stuff gets on my wick.

We are obsessed with feelings in the modern world in my opinion.

I too want to tell people to get a grip a lot of the time, while they are screaming in the streets or having counselling because a president in another country has been elected or any other modern nonsense. There was a helpline when 'Take That' broke
up, what has happened to backbone?

I believe that we are constructing a society that encourages, even rewards people not coping with life. It is an industry, anti depressants are being taken by a huge tranche of the population, young people too, self harm and all manner of addictions for what is often self inflicted, counselling for all sorts of really minor stuff.

I also hate the term empathy, I feel it is arrogant to assume you understand another's pain when it is real and terrible. I had a friend whose mother died and in the time it took her to drive home from the hospital that day, her little son choked to death. I can't pretend to understand how that feels.....when however the electricians I had to rewire my house took a day off, to take their snake to the vets because they were 'worried about him'.........grrrrrrrrrr

The last generation lived with daily stress and horrors, for the war years and had to work through it all, literally go to work, not have time off with stress.

My philosophy, sometimes you are the pigeon sometime you are the post.

E.G. I do sympathise with someone bereaved through anothers action.

I can empathise with their feeling of wanting retribution but would not always condone what they wanted that retribution to be.

I can empathise with someone's point of view but can also come to a different opinion.

If they are reachable...a Hug...if not...a prayer!!

Indeed.

Yes Anya, clinical supervision an essential component for any therapist.

Yes, I've heard that phrase too often Cherrytree, it's a bit like 'I'm sorry for your loss'. It's is expressing sympathy in a situation where words aren't enough.

Iam while counsellors, etc, may have to control their own feeling during sessions, they all must have a fellow counsellor to help debrief them and talk about their reactions to such situations. It's part of their job description. Otherwise as you recognise this could be too much for them.

Empathy ....I understand your pain
Sympathy ....I am sorry you feel your pain

have I got that right?is how I have understood and used the words

I've had some personal experience of trauma and loss, which I believe help me empathise with others with similar experiences.

Therapists and others who work closely with individuals who have suffered significant trauma have to manage their own feelings. if they can't do this whilst working empathetically, I'm not convinced they can effectively help their 'clients/patients' begin to process their own experiences.

Empathy isn't sympathy.

I think there is tendency these days to use the word empathetic as if it means you, in a kind of generally personal way, are more sensitive and understanding than if you are merely sympathetic. The words do have different but related meanings that have become somewhat blurred. I think sympathy has also become confused with pity.

Christinefrance "Sometimes I do then other times I really want people to get a grip."

Precisely. Some people have a larger sense of entitlement than I can stomach.

I thought empathy was being able to stand in another's shoes and to experience pain or horror etc as they might have done so that it's about use of imagination and seeing things from their perspective.
Sympathy is surely offering kindness, reassurance or recognition of the other's difficulties without necessarily identifying with them.

Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Well, I can't truly understand, I suppose, if I haven't been through the same pain but I can imagine what it must have been like.

Well you can give a sympathy card
Anya
People often say you have my sympathy.