Being called by my first name

I also do not like that people call you by my first name without my agreement that they can. It also annoyed me when professional care workers assumed that it was okay to call my mother and mother in law by their first names when they did not know them or had asked permission to do so. I agree with grandMattie that is patronising.

I much prefer to be called by my first name, the title of Mrs. seems so patronising as it's NOT my name, but simply the indicates that I was or had been, the property of some man! I remember being delighted that my third child decided to call me by my first name rather than "Mum". It was lovely to hear my name being called for a change. It seemed that to everyone, I was Mum and that's what I was called, but that was actually the name of my job, not my name.

Using first names without permission is a hostile act of status reducing on the part of many people who have no right to do it.

When I was a teacher I was always Miss Lilyflower and there was no argument which suited me fine.

Now all sorts of people phone me up and attempt address me by my first name. I usually sort that peroblem out tactfully but firmly.

I don't at all object to informality but it is polite to signal it up first by, for example, asking whether a person minds being addressed by their given name rather than by a title and surname.

I do think, however, that younger people should not assume they can call an older person by their first name. I was very shocked when at the residential home my MIL joined the staff called her 'Joyce' without preamble or permission. It seemed most disrespectful as if they were doing her some huge favour when, in fact, she was paying eyewatering sums for their labour and was, in fact, their employer.

TThe same applies in the public sector. We are the paymasters!

Didnt like it at first but Im getting used to it now from hairdresser etc. My gp still calls me Mrs X which I quite like. Dd tells me anyhing but first name is unfriendly and being addressed as Mrs or even Ms makes her feel old. Most teachers are still called By their surname though - I was a teacher for years so was used to it although we used first names in the staffroom. I do object to cold callers saying 'Am i speaking to (first name)?

When people cal me Mr P---- I usually say, that was my father, and give them my forename.

My mother is in a very lovely care home where everyone is called by their first names and no one objects, as it is their home and everyone is part a loving family there. If anyone felt their status was above the rest and demanded to be called by a title, I'm sure the staff would oblige.

I think in care homes and hospitals first names are used as it is usually the one name that a patient has had all their lives and will respond to in an emergency. If you are trying to keep a semi conscious patient awake use their first name.

When in USA they didn't just call you by your first name but the diminutive of it. Not much they could be with mine (if they could even pronounce it) but my husband (Richard) would become Rich.

I dislike it when my first name is used by people that I am meeting in a professional context, e.g. Estate agents, Builders, or medical staff unless I have been asked. My friend's children call me Auntie and mine have been brought up to do the same. This has continued into their adulthood!

I have family in Malaysia, and I quite like that if speaking to anyone older than yourself, whether known to you or not, you address them as "Auntie".

I know I'm old fashioned, but we do seen to be losing manners these days.!

There must be lots of people like me, who loathe this habit of faked intimacy because they are not known by the name listed first on documents. If I get anything addressed 'dear Shiny' I know the person doesn't know me. I have been known as 'Red' since birth. Governments, Banks, most large organisations refuse to acknowledge 'Red' at all, so I have to insist on the use of Mrs and my DH's name, as at least then I can understand that someone is talking to ME!

I think this originates from the difficulty of knowing whether a lady is Mrs or Miss. Some who were Miss objected to being called Mrs, so Ms became usual. Personally, I object to being called by m first name by someone I've never met before. In any case, how many people are actually called by the name they were given at birth? In my family, four of us are known either by diminutives or abreviations of our surname, so when our name is called out in the waiting rooms or on the phone we don't recognise it

Lilyflower, I agree with you!

When I worked as a dentist, treating mainly children, I always introduced myself by my first name as it sounded more friendly. But I always addressed adult patients as Mr / Mrs / Ms etc unless they asked me to use their first names

Here in Sweden EVERYONE is called by their first name, Doctors, Teachers, yes everyone, here the people are very formal otherwise, but first names are always the norm, I have got used to it, as I have lived here for years, but sometimes I feel I am not giving people the respect they deserve, when I do it.

I agree with Lilyflower, it is about status. It is an unconscious way of demeaning the other person, to call them by their first name and I object to it. As a teacher I was called Mrs(surname) by all pupils and parents. It took a long time for me to adjust to the loss of status when I retired, and being called by my first name only emphasised the loss of status.

My name is Bernadette but I am always called Bernie by everyone who knows me, it is so formal when the Doctor calls out "Bernadette, this way please" I usually say to people "call me Bernie please" makes life easier, but on official papers etc I must be Bernadette of course.

Grrrrr!!! This is one of my pet hates... I really don't like it when people (unknown to me!) phone up and say my first name, and to make it worse they use the 'elongated' version which is something I haven't been called for sixty years!!!! Makes me sooooo cross! I certainly don't mind if someone has previously asked what I'd like to be called, but these 'cold callers' being so 'familiar' really does get my goat!! As someone else mentioned, I'm old enough to be their mother (and probably in some circumstances,their grandma!!)

I don't mind at all being called by my first name except for cold callers on the 'phone when they use it excessively and ask if I'm having a good day etc before they start the spiel - that really annoys me! It does seem to be an age related thing though as when I was young all neighbours were Mr or Mrs or Miss but my children and their friends called us and the neighbours by their Christian names so have grown up referring to people in that way.

I object to be addressed by my first name by someone phoning me trying to sell me something (thankfully rare because of we have BT Preference) but even someone from the bank calling me by my first name irks me because these days, it's some faceless person in a call-centre!

But I'm reminded of my grandmother who, when she was in hospital just before she died (1984), objected most strongly to "young slips" of nurses calling her "Nora". She would scowl and say "Mrs Lucas" to you! She was hanging on to any shred of dignity & 'power' she had left!

When I was young it seemed to be the custom to give the titles aunt and uncle to grown-ups not related. Always seemed ridiculous to me and I'm happy to be called by my Christian name. They always ask in Hospital how I want to be addressed.

As most situations I find myself in are informal, then I usually prefer my first name. Mrs Newton makes me feel old. BUT like others here I object to callers who I have never met (and don't want to) greeting me with "Hello Joan, how are you today?"
Depending on how charitable I am feeling I either
a. respond with "Did I ask you to call me?" - after a double take they usually mutter "No" - response is "Then don't" and I put the phone down. or
b. put the phone down without disconnecting and leave it for 10 minutes - at least they can't bother anyone else while they are still "talking" to me and they are paying for that time.
I have to say that b. is usually more discouraging in that they call me back less frequently.
As to grandchildren - I would love to have some whatever they call me.

My next email was headed Happy New Year Joan - from an orthodontics firm I have never heard of...grrrr.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I don't feel patronised because no-one has intended to patronise me. With all the awful things which can happen to people, and many which have affected me personally, whether I get called Nellie or Mrs Bloggs is of no account.
When a teenager I asked my mother if I could please use 'Mum' to address her and was told no, it was to be Mother or Mrs Smith. How times have changed.

I prefer being called by my first name by anybody except children and grandchildren. What I really hate is being called madam!

I have just finished reading Anne of Green Gables, Anne later marries a doctor so her housekeeper addresses her as; Mrs. Doctor, dear. Quite cute, I think.