Family stealing

This is not just theft it's disrespect, manipulation and cowardice. I would find that far more hurtful than the loss of the items.
Either tell them that, or enable them to save face by returning what they have taken but ensure this stops. It's unfair to you , to them and to your grandchildren. Be generous by all means, but set standards so you all know what is and is not appropriate and acceptable. xx

We have had a holiday home in France for over 25 years, we supply everything. It is used by family and friends and our experience is similar to Jud's. In fact as well as wine the kitchen has acquired all sorts of pieces of equipment that visitors have bought because they normally use them and we don't and they have then left behind. Last year we were 'gifted' an electric filter coffee maker.

I should put a note in the holiday home asking that nothing be removed without permission. Also ask anyone using the holiday home to take their own bed linen and towels. That is the least they can do if you are kind enough to let them use it.

That is really shocking! We have a holiday home and family and friends use it often. I prefer visitors to leave the laundering to me. Nothing has ever gone missing. In fact we often arrive to find a the place cleaner than we left it and sometimes even a nice bottle of wine.

Many of the suggestions above are really good advice IMO. But really [Boadicea] this is not acceptable behaviour and you need to ensure these people understand that, however you do it!

How come they took your daughter's childhood treasures - how does she feel about her nieces having them?
It is easy to leave no bedding and towels if everyone travels to the holiday home by car, not so easy if they use public transport. .
You could just change the locks and tell them it is no longer available.

We have stayed in a number of holiday homes and there is generally a small room or a cupboard which is locked and not available for our use. This is where any of the owners' special items, treasures and so on are kept. Could you perhaps do something like that? Then at least when you use your HH yourself you can unlock the cupboard and have your own things about you instead of the cheap tat that you leave for others.

I think the loss of trust must be the worst thing
The bedlinen etc can be replaced but once trust is eroded. ... when I was little we had an auntie who stole from my mother's purse. It was a terrible time as mum thought it was one of us kids. We never saw aunt and uncle again and I often wonder what happened to their daughter. It is a terrible thing to steal from ones family.

It's very upsetting and must distress you. Why not leave DIL the itemised, stolen things in your will and the rest to others?

How awful for you, i feel so sad for you, really hope you can resolve this. Why not casually drop into a conversation that you may have to inform the police about items going mising from your home as you cant claim insurance payout without a police number it may let them know you are on to them. It must be so hard to actually confront them.

I think even our adult children have a 'what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine' attitude to their parents. Perhaps a hangover from when we provided everything for them.
Personally, I would speak to your son and say you've noticed stuff has gone missing from the house. And while you're happy to help them out if in need, you would expect to asked first. Basic good manners and respect.
Then draw a line under it. And if anything else then goes astray, you're going to have to get much tougher.

I like suzied and Anyas replies ! Brilliant ! you have to try these approaches ,,,if they discover the covert camera and are upset you could maybe say a lot of things have gone missing (in future take a photo of all the bits and pieces ..you could say for inventory purposes in case you rent out your place to strangers for extra income (to cover the missing things !)

Also like the suggestion of mentioning if you see the bedding at their house ;ah that's exactly like the one that went missing' ...say no more, just see what the reaction is ...it may be that they just assume that what is yours is mine as it were !

Shouldn't they be doing their own cleaning of the holiday home and laundering, anyway, if they are using it for free?
That's be easier if they take their own bedding.

Anya what a perfect put-down. I wish I was brave enough to say that sort of thing

How about something subtle next time they ask to borrow the caravan. I'd suggest

"Fine. And by the way I won't be supplying any linen this time, but if you care to take and use the same sheets, duvet cover and pillowcases that you kindly took home to launder after your last visit, I'd be grateful if this time you left them behind for others to use. I appreciate the thought but I'd prefer see to the laundering myself. And this applies to any kitchen ware and other bits and bobs too!"

All delivered with a big smile of course

The only thing I can suggest is that you don't have any bedding or linen and ask that if anyone uses the house, they bring their own. That way, stuff will stop disappearing and your point will be made.
How sad for everyone that this should come to pass.
Hugs &

Time to be assertive in as nice a way as you can manage. Make it clear that you have noticed that they have 'borrowed' (a la Lilyflower)items from the holiday home - be specific- and you need them back.You need them there. You might want in future to let outside the family anyway.
Make an inventory - just as you would if you were letting to outside holiday makers and leave a copy in the holiday place. That's fair if a lot of extended family use the home. I think I'd be inclined to ask family using the holiday home to replace what they break, and take their own bedding and towels in future. Then they can take their property home and wash it with no excuse to keep hold of it.

In order to avoid direct confrontation I might be tempted to say something like "Oh, I like your new XYZ, I used to have one just like it" and watch the thieving g*ts squirm

I might also say something on the lines of "I am going to have to stop anyone using the HH as there are too many bits and pieces going missing and I can't let this carry on"

Of course you should be upset. Stealing from family is beneath contempt. I am afraid I would have to say something.

I have a holiday home for the use of family too and thankfully, nothing has gone missing. Bedding has been taken home to wash but they left replacements from their own home. I'm thinking of letting it to holiday makers but will definitely take out any valuables and label bedding and towels. I will also request a deposit, refundable minus any deductions for breakages, etc.

How horrible for you. I think you are completely in the right and your DS and DIL are completely in the wrong. However, they will not take kindly to ultimatums or harsh words. Guilty people never do.

Perhaps you could say that you have noticed that things have gone missing and that they have been borrowed' but that, in future, this must not happen again. You cannot afford for them to be 'forgetful' going forward. This gives them a let out and an excuse for what is clearly deliberate theft but it saves their pride and might save your relationship.

If they then do it again change the locks or take some of the good advice posted above.

How did you discover the lost bedding?

I would take all items of value sentimental or otherwise out of your holiday home. Replace sheets with bri nylon or remove altogether and tell people to take own bedding. Imagine if you rented it out you would not leave those items there. Make it like a rental property.you could use a permanent marker with your name on stuff as well.
If you are dependent on this family when you get older then make sure you have made your will and do an enduring power of attorney for someone you can trust. It could be a younger friend and if they agreed you could make provision for friend in your will.
It needs to stop but without proof you can't do anything.
I would place a covert camera( see Maplin) in my own home leaving some cash in view and see what happens but then I was a cop!
Then you challenge your son may not be aware but your dil is a thief.
This needs to be sorted.

Make it known that you have changed the locks in your holiday home and when asked why tell them that you are waiting for things to be returned that were taken Simple. Theft is theft

I think the idea of asking if they took any linen away to wash, as some appears to be missing is a good one. Not worth having a bust up over, in my opinion.

Pammi? What a shame for you.
I don't think that Boadicea wants it to go as far as breaking with her family.In my view
A few 'things' would never be worth that, and she does say that the family may need them.
I think the family think ( rightly or wrongly) that a few bits won't be missed, and their need is greater etc.
If they provide their own bedding and sheets when they go, that may be enough to stop it all.