Poor child

Luckygirl When I had to tell my daughter then 4ish off for something or other she turned round to me and said "You still like me even though you're cross with me." A very astute child.

I was alcoholic, when I was younger and treated my wife and daughter's very harshly. I now know how bad I was to them and I rue it everyday. My late wife was a wonderful woman and ill never know why she stayed with me. I know I've improved, since I got off the drink. But I treated her shamefully, during our early married life. My eldest daughter, who I was hardest with, is now a lovely wife and excellent mother. She has given me two beautiful well mannered grandchildren. What amazes is, she only ever treats me with love and kindness, when she'd be fully entitled to hate me. My other daughter has problems, I don't know, if it's a result of my behaviour, probably is. I try to help her as much as I can. Every day now I wish I could turn the clock back and make ther lives better. Unfortunately I can't, I only know, I will carry this guilt and remorse to my grave. I only write this in the hope, that anyone who reads it, will pause, before they do anything, that may hurt a loved one. Once done, it can't be undone, much to my regret. The worst is now that my beautiful wife is gone, is knowing what I did and now ther is nothing I can do to make up for it.

I had no way of reporting this - no address/name You have the bus route and time, does your bus operator have CCTV on their routes usually?

for future reference, you don't need to physically intervene but if you let the driver know (or a member of staff if it's a shop) most chain stores/bigger bus companies will track the "incident" with their CCTV and will have a policy flow of who to pass the footage to if they think it looks abusive.

I've done that in the past when I've seen somone being verbally abusive to (their??) child in a shop but I was afraid to intervene incase they turned on me because I had my kid with me. I found a shop assistant, she told her manager, they found me later in another aisle and told me that they had a "code" for it and the person was being tracked through their CCTV and they'ld contacted the CCTV operaters for the surrounding shops and they would flag it to the authorities if anything on the footage escalated.

TriciaF

that strikes a chord!!

There were of course occasions when I had to be cross with my children, but I always used to say: "It's a good thing we love you!" They seemed to get the message that I was cross about the behaviour but they were much loved.

Which isn't good, but better than the physical abuse imagined. Poor parenting is sadly very common.

Many years ago we witnessed the same sort of thing on a bus- little girl crying and mother shouting at her- one of my sons turned to me and said "Why doesn't her mum just give her a hug?"
What you witnessed might not be the whole picture, sometimes these sort of parents behave the way they think people expect 'good' parents to behave. So she might have been applying what she thinks is some sort of discipline. It is very likely that at home the child is completely ignored.

'There was a man in ASDA who had a screaming tantrumy toddler in the trolley. He walked very calmly around the store totally ingnoring the child's behaviour. Some parents can do it right'
I heard a story like that, but the Dad was saying quietly "Calm down David, calm down David."
The person who was listening spoke to the Dad, "I admire your calm approach to your child", and the Dad replied "I'm David, not him"

In Italy a few years ago we saw a man getting very angry with a crying baby who was doing the "stiff as a board" act when dad was trying to get him in the push,

Another man came across to the dad and calmed him down quite gently, but very firmly and sent him on his way. I was most impressed.

I never know whether to intevene when you see parents really raging at their children.
There was a man in ASDA who had a screaming tantrumy toddler in the trolley. He walked very calmly around the store totally ingnoring the child's behaviour. Some parents can do it right.

It's heart breaking....once I witnessed in a multi storey car park I was walking through, an elderly couple were near me also a young mum with a tot in a buggy and, say a 5-6 year old girl with the mum walking grabbing on to her long hair tightly, the poor girl was pale and said nothing and the mother looked as rough as anything and would probably of gone for me . I said nothing, but really, what can one do? By the time authority's arrive they would be long gone, the elderly couple and I looked at each other in shock, we never spoke...

I reasoned that if I did intervene the mother would be angry - and who is the weakest person for her to take her anger out on later? - the child of course.

If I had started to play constructively with the child, that too could have misfired as the mother would feel upstaged and criticised - again who would be the person to bear he brunt of these negative emotions? - the child.

I had no way of reporting this - no address/name.

Sounds like 'Mum' has a few problems going on in her psyche. Hate seeing kids being treated like this?

For God's sake. The child with the puppies was only 3 yrs old! To say to herself over and over 'Do not cry, do not cry' means that she has found that if she does cry she get a good belting or something worse, locked in a cupboard or the shed perhaps. How can you report someone on a bus? You do not know who they are or where they live. This to me looks like some child heading for one bashing too many and ending up dead. It would be on my conscience for ever if I saw her in the papers. Another child that fell through the net. But what actually can you do? You are quite likely to get a 'Get out of my face you stupid old Moo' kind of remark if you say anything. It might make it worse for the child.

I too have witnessed child abuse....to my shame I didn't know what to do about it. There was a little girl in my son's nursery who smelt really bad because she obviously had not had a bath in weeks. Her clothes too were scruffy and needed a good wash. One day as we were coming away from the nursery, in the gloom, she suddenly stopped dead and said 'I left my baby behind'! meaning her dolly I suspect. The mother just pulled her along and yelled 'Well let that teach you a lesson. She can stay there all night in the dark now', to which the little girl started crying, and got a smack across the legs for doing that. I was rooted to the spot and didn't know what to do or say. I felt really bad for being such a coward and not doing or saying anything. Obviously I should have, but I didn't. What would you have done?

I have intervened when witnessing abusive behaviour. A mother slapping her child in a theme park, a father who punched his son in the supermarket, a man who was assaulting his wife...I'm afraid I can't stand by without doing or saying something. It could make these people stop and think in future.
Luckygirl you referred to this mother as ' a lady' ....really? not in my opinion.

meandashy I am sure you were encouraging and kind but firm when dealing with your DGD


As I always was with my DC (well, except when they were being as awkward as they could be!!).
I may have got cross and told them off if they were behaving badly but not verbally abusive.

Whatever circumstance this mother may be facing she has choices and there is plenty of help she can get for any circumstance including parenting skills. All of these services are free. She is an adult who can choose. There is no excuse to treat her child in such a harsh and bullying manner. Any form of abuse towards a child is unacceptable and makes me very upset and angry.
I could not of stayed silent and I am in no way attacking you for doing so, I know it is very difficult to intervene. I worked as a child protection officer for many years and have had to deal with a lot worse.

Does that excuse behaviour to a small child. I think not

society needs to stop making excuses for such parents. I had a dogs life with the man i used to be married to but not once did i take it out on my children, i lived hundreds of miles away from my family so had zero support.There is no excuse and we need to stop making them.
Morals seems a dirty word these days but maybe if people were reminded of their duty to the life they brought into the world we would have far fewer abused children

Judging is not always a bad thing -I judged this parenting to be abusive, as it undoubtedly was, but that does not mean that I was blaming - there is a difference. We do not know what troubles this lady had, but the end result was wholly negative for the child.

It doesn't matter where the toy was bought, I have boxes of charity shop toys for when my grandchildren come here for an afternoon. But it is unforgivable to bully a small child in the way that has been described. How vile! I constantly see two or three young mothers pushing prams, if there is any attempt by the toddlers to speak to their (I assume) mothers they are usually told to shut up. If this is the kind of "parenting " some small children are subjected to, is it any wonder that we have social and behavioural problems in schools.

yes great idea to have parenting/child care classes for secondary age pupils. I hadn't thought of that! But with some top up when they actually parent. I had no intention of having any children when I was a teenager, so would not have paid much attention!! My first was a 'mistake' and I was pretty horrified to hear I was pregnant. But she has been a godsend! My life would have been so much less, had I not had my two.

That wasn't normal behaviour on the part of that mother.

She sounds wholly inadequate. Children can be very trying at times, as we all know, but you don't deliberately pick on them like that for no reason.

There are some women that really shouldn't have children, and she sounds like one of them.

Heartbreaking for that little girls future.

I think interfering unless the child is physically abused is not an option. Very easy to be on the outside with NO IDEA what is going on for the people who are being judged.
I had to tell an interfering woman on a bus to butt out! My dgd had been released from hospital on the proviso she took the medicine (sachets mixed in a drink). I was encouraging her to drink otherwise she'd have been admitted (which she was after the silly woman interfered & I had to tell her it was medicine! !! Then dgd wouldn't drink it!!!)
So as much as you want to or think you should, stay out of other people's business! !!!