I am contemplating ways to kill Grampy...... input welcome !!

The police have been watching this thread and are on their way to dig up some gardens .....

Well...Everyone believes I'm divorced. What do you think?

Shades of "Arsenic and old lace "

Silent running is the marital form of water torture.

It's like sitting back reading a Stephen King book this thread. .

You are all so inventive , I just have to give mine 'the look'.

The leg of lamb method was the basis of a short story by Roald Dahl in 1953 called 'Lamb to the slaughter'. It was later made into an episode by Alfred Hitchcock.

Another idea is to use an icicle as the murder weapon which melts and disappears.

Whether a gran would get away with it might hang on whether the local detective read short stories or googled. I suspect all our Grans would be filled with remorse and turn themselves in.

Nana it was probably just a grumpy moment on his part.
Granarchist does your DH often do baffling things?

Yes, I think we all bicker a bit at times, especially once retired.

You've cheered me up no end !

He's on his way home soon - he'll live to fight another day !

N&G may need some help struggling into the forensic attire! Especially without Grampy noticing.

Would you like any help?

Firstly, you have to dress like this N&G - and hope that he doesn't notice as you skulk around him

Fleecy mittens should solve that problem
By the way my dh died of natural causes, honest!
( although there were times----------)

Be careful if you follow Galen's advice re a sharp tug in the bath because you do not want to be leaving any bruises on his delicate ankles. This shows I read too many crime novels.

It would only work if you left the beak on the duck, jalima. Nana plotting to do in grampy?? ? Is the world as we know it coming to an end?? I thought mine was the only absolutely infuriating old git in the universe. When Teetime has finished battering all her coughing blokes with a five iron, I'm sure she would be pleased to oblige!

Maybe we could form a hit squad of Grans always ready to avenge their crones, sorry cronies and see justice done.

We ate the lamb, will a frozen duck have the same effect?
I suppose it doesn't have the handle.

Ah now I know why I have still got that leg of lamb in the freezer. Offers anyone??

I asked DH today what he thought about a hairstyle I had got off the internet that I thought would suit me. I said 'of course, the model is younger than me and very pretty'
He said 'well, you were young once too'

What happened to 'pretty'?
At least he could have paid lip service to it

Ask phoenix for one of her spells! They are really good. Or set the grans on him. We fly away on our broomsticks leaving no clues at all!

What could you recommend for a husband who shrinks your lovely hand knitted wool cardigan. It is quite felted and only just fits now.
(and some other crimes to be "taken into consideration."

Buy a leg of mutton. Freeze it. Bludgeon him with it. Then have roast mutton for dinner.
wasn't that a detective story on the tv?
Or was it a real one that I remember?

I think I would have rammed the rest of the chocolate roulade where the sun don't shine on his head Grananarchist.

Someone I know was going to write a book on how to commit the perfect murder and get away with it when he retired. I must contact him and ask if he's written it yet
(that was a nasty btw)

I haven't laughed so much for ages - suggestions duly noted for the next time I get 'the sigh'. .

Needn't bother to get GNHQ to delete this thread. The police would never believe us dear old grans could possibly be involved. We might have to organise a squad to nip down and take out wobblybits though in case he grasses you up.

Mutton leg is larger and has more biffing quality. I knew I'd read it somewhere and stored it for future use.

A "fall" from the Gosport Ferry? No funeral bills.