I am contemplating ways to kill Grampy...... input welcome !!

And it was seen on TV under Tales of the Unexpected.

I like the Hit Squad idea, then each gran would have a watertight alibi. Pity about Wobbly & Cunco though...but yes, we'd have to 'take them out' first.

You cannot dispose of the body under any circumstances. There would be too much hassle re wills, finances, if someone just disappears. You'll need to be able to produce his body you can get your hands on his cash will be granted probate.

It has to look natural, like an accident of suicide.

I've thought this through!!

Beware poisoning - too easy to trace these days, unless it is such an exotic poison that no one has thought of, or found yet!
My leg of lamb is in the freezer too, waiting for an opportune moment!

I haven't time just now to read every page of this amusing "banter" as I volunteer in the local primary school this afternoon, but....

My preferred method is to use a frozen bird as a club and then cook and eat it. I am sure I once read that the police are not able to make a case if they can't find the weapon!!

My husband suggests there may be a useful murder help thread on Grampsnet????

Anybody got a tiger's head knocking about in their house? According to 'Father Brown' a few finely-chopped bits of the whiskers stirred into his food won't be noticed - and death is absolutely assured...!
I'm sure that one tiger would 'do' for quite a lot of people...so come on, whose grandfather went tiger-shooting..???

Gosh, SueDoku, who, on their grandfather's behalf, would dare admit it now???

You two need to have a heart-to-heart!

Kill him with kindness, he will soon see your point of view. He knows which side his bread is buttered.

I'll visit you in prison

What a great thread. I have enjoyed reading all that. {grin}

W£hy didn't grin work? I'll try again

It's the Gransnetters who haven't posted who are the ones to watch. That's for the police in case they're reading .

Just carry on. He'll kill himself eventually.

"Why do men die before their wives?"
"Because they want to."

(If you feel that's in bad taste, isn't discussing murder in bad taste?)

Shysal - this is truly brilliant - must remember !
The toothbrush idea is always satisfying. My teenage daughter's friend once weeed on her father's toothbrush when he had been particularly beastly. Another young man cleaned his dog's teeth with his brother's toothbrush. Sweet revenge!

DH knows that his demise will be something to do with the freezer. This is because a couple of years ago whilst working in the garage of our house which doubles (trebles?) as a workroom and a utility area, he claims that the freezer was making an "annoying" noise and turned it off briefly. So briefly that he forgot to turn it back on again .... this only came to light a day later when I'd asked him to get choc ices out for visiting grandchildren and he said "Oh, are they meant to be soft like this?" That is when I discovered that everything in our well-stocked freezer was defrosted, and when my lovely step-daughter discovered the extent of my repertoire of swear words ....

Great ideas. Don't mess with us Grans!

I had washed and dried my hair and it looked fine. DH asked me to help him carry box into garage other side if patio. Wind blew me and my newly coiffed hair to bits with the observation from DH, your hair looks a mess, does it need washing. Needless to say my end of the box was dropped, pity he wasn't underneath. Grrr. Men.

I know of a lady who took revenge on her hubby by dipping his soap-on-a-rope down the toilet. This was years ago, I don't think they make this type of soap now.

Would I do such a thing annifrance? Love the story of OH missing the loo though, we'll have to negotiate a bribe !!!

Ha! some very good ideas on here ...in my case my OH is doing the job quite well himself ....so far he has fallen off a ladder trimming the willow tree ......I just paid someone to do it, but it was not right ....as usual ! He has taken one eye out by 'repairing' the unbroken garage door ......he has glass in his eye as well by throwing the gas fire through the patio door in a temper .......it won't be long .......and he hasn't got a funeral plan which is the main bugbear for me ....bah humbug ! Never be able to afford those star gazer lillies (don't you just hate that ad !) .......the other night he went out in minus 6 temperature to look for the cat ,,,,,and without a coat ,,he is 84 .....I simply went and got a photo to show the police in the morning ....but he came back !!!! aw shucks ! next time, next time .....

Shysal, that's so naughty! Made me laugh out loud though ?

I am posting then stansgran say no more ?

When my mentally and physically abusive ex was in full swing I'd spit in his tea and seriously thought of paraquat as there is no antidote

Extract nicotine from cigarettes and concentrate. Absorbed through the skin and fatal
Socrates found hemlock worked