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I love them dearly but .......

(108 Posts)
Coppernob Thu 05-Jan-17 22:01:04

My daughter, her partner and their two delightful little girls live in Italy. She always likes to come home some time over the Christmas period and so she and my 4 year old granddaughter arrived on 27 Dec. By the following afternoon said granddaughter was covered from head to toe in chicken pox spots, itchy and miserable.

They were due to fly home on 1Jan but there was no way granddaughter would be have been allowed on a plane looking a she did, even if she had felt up to travelling. So they had to stay on and finally went home today.

At last the floor is clear of books, crayons, clothes and all the other paraphanelia a 4 year old needs these days. Once more we can eat what we like, when we like and we don't have to watch Stick Man on the TV 104 times a day!

I love them both to bits but can't say I was desperately sorry to see them go when I dropped them at the airport this afternoon. Am I a dreadful mother and granny?

grandMattie Fri 06-Jan-17 10:48:10

I tend to agree with my grandfather who used to say "Young people have young children, old people old children"... so no you are absolutely not alone.
Yes, I think GCs play up if their parents are there. GDs are horrible to us when with their parents, especially when their father is there.
Copper be careful that you haven't caught the chickenpox. Also watch out for shingles.
The year I was 40, although I had been told I had had them all, I caught mumps, German measles and chickenpox... sad

sue01 Fri 06-Jan-17 10:44:14

Surely everyone feels the same don't they ??

My father used to say that relatives are like fish... they need to be gone within three days.

Glad to see 'em come. Glad to see 'em go !

Allegra22 Fri 06-Jan-17 10:44:11

I adore my 3 grandchildren but I could cry with relief when they all leave. They're gorgeous well behaved children but I just think as I've got older I find it difficult to cope with the inevitable tinge of chaos kids bring to a house. So no you're not a dreadful granny coppernob and if you are there are loads of us about by the looks of it!

sassy60 Fri 06-Jan-17 10:43:44

Coppernob you are just like me and so many others. I am feeling guilty for saying no to caring for my 2 year old granddaughter for a few Saturdays a month. My husband is not a well man so l have enough to do as his carer without taking on a 2 year old. Thank you all for actually making me feel better. People have to live their own lives and we live ours. Nice to have them round and great when they go home. X

Silverhippy Fri 06-Jan-17 10:41:38

Sorry my previous post went before I meant it to and I don't know how to edit it:- What I meant to say was I have definitive proof of the opposite of that, she would never have done that had her mother been there.

Also Coppernob, the great advantage of being a grandparent is we can have the joy of being with our grandchildren, but happily at some point we can return to sanity when they go back home.....

I would appreciate it if someone can explain how to edit. I am blind so if there are instructions somewhere I am missing them somehow.

Speldnan Fri 06-Jan-17 10:34:21

Ps I ALWAYS feel sad and miss the family when they've gone and soon forget about the disruption they cause while they're here!!

janeainsworth Fri 06-Jan-17 10:33:47

Totally agree with you both ginny and marmight
The time together is so precious when you don't see them very often.
I think the children feel it too.
DGS (2.5) clung to me and cried that he wanted to stay at Grandma's when it was time to go home.
Not sure how he would have reacted if they had actually driven off without him though grin

Speldnan Fri 06-Jan-17 10:31:01

Not bad at all! Think it must be normal. I had my DD, partner and DGS 5, DGD 8 months to stay for a couple of nights after Christmas. My house is fairly small and kept very neat and clean. I try to be relaxed about it when they stay here though it's very hard work. I like to give my DD a rest from cooking so do most if it myself plus get up early with my DGS when he wakes up. It was lovely to have them but oh dear was I looking forward to them leaving! When they said they'd have to go after breakfast on the last day I was so relieved! After they'd gone the house looked dreadful and I had to spend the rest of the day cleaning and putting the house back to right! Plus all the bedding to wash with no drier (still not all done!). I think you get out of the way of having other people around, especially children when you're older and lead a quiet orderly life! Doesn't make you a bad Granny!

Silverhippy Fri 06-Jan-17 10:31:00

"Also think they are better behaved if their mother is not with them."

Ah Mildred, yes I have definitive proof of that! My 3 year old Grandaughter stood on the coffee table and then jumped onto the settee, and I told her not to do it. She promptly ran around and climbed back onto the coffee table to do it again so I repeated "Don't do that, it's dangerous!" So she stood on the coffee table placed hands on hips and said "Grandad! Things are only dangerous when Mommy is here!" then she jumped again.....

SerendipitySmith Fri 06-Jan-17 10:30:07

I feel the same. My son, his wife and our grand-daughter (2) were here from 23 December to 2 January. His 3 step-daughters joined us from 28th. Our house isn't tiny but it is still a squash as I have a daughter still living at home, and for part of the time my 91 year old Dad was staying too.
I adore them without reservation, and did shed a tear when I waved them off, but how lovely it is to return to a calm tidy house and watch our own choice of TV.

Elrel Fri 06-Jan-17 10:28:54

After seeing my younger GC (2 and 6) regularly every 2 weeks they now live further away. I shall see them only at half terms and school holidays. Suddenly the crammed low bookcase and crates of toys in the living room make me feel sad rather than taken over. Yes, I can reclaim my living space but it seems so unimportant. I'd rather have the mess, the radiant faces, sticky hugs.

swji1 Fri 06-Jan-17 10:24:14

Coppernob you are not alone! We had family from abroad here for over 2 weeks over Christmas and to be honest, I think we were all glad to return to our 'usual' lives. Everyone had jetlag and then illnesses (including us) during the first week and coping with all the washing was a nightmare. We don't have a dishwasher or tumble dryer so DH and I slept surrounded by wet washing the whole time! We'd spent months getting the house ready to be toddler proof and child friendly and we even had to put the cat into a cattery as one of the visiting family has allergies. But it was worth it in the end. No great disasters but I'm always a bit tense in case something happens on 'our watch'.

So the peace and quiet is welcome for now but I do really wish they lived nearer so we could see them more often. I find being a long distance grandma very very hard. It doesn't get easier as time goes on either.

Vonnie123 Fri 06-Jan-17 10:23:34

No Coppernob you are not dreadful. It's an old, but true, saying that the best thing about being a grand-parent is that we can send the little darlings home again - much as love them dearly.

grannyisland Fri 06-Jan-17 10:17:49

I've always been told, and am now experiencing: 'The joy of being a granny is you wave bye bye at the end of the day' !

moira13 Fri 06-Jan-17 10:17:20

Our DS and DiL were sway in Barcelona and so we were in charge of GC (3&1) at their house from Friday morning until Monday afternoon. Thankfully GC are good sleepers and so no getting up in the night. We loved having so much time with GC as we live a fair distance away but it took us a few days to recover

rosesarered Fri 06-Jan-17 10:15:08

Mildred..... I am exactly the same as you.grin

Coppernob welcome to the forum smile
You had them with you for a long time and it's no wonder you look forward to some peace and quiet, many of us feel the same after an afternoon!

morethan2 Fri 06-Jan-17 10:14:13

Ditto. I love them but I'm glad to see them go home. When we visit them we never out stay our welcome because I'm sure they feel the same about us.

sillup Fri 06-Jan-17 10:11:20

Lovely to see them come and lovely to see them go :-) However we are lucky because they live just around the corner so no long stays are necessary.

KazzaK Fri 06-Jan-17 10:05:13

I love my grandchildren to bits, 2 of them live a 4 hour drive away so don't see them as often as I'd like but my daughter's 2 boys live near me. They are gorgeous but very lively! They love coming to stay but I'm always shattered by the time they go home! Then it's a massive clean up operation and an early night!

Marmight Fri 06-Jan-17 09:16:21

I still have DD2 and her Oz family with me (6 of them). We spent 2 weeks in a rented house with DD1 and DD3 and their families over Christmas and NY, so 15 in total. After the first few days I just gave up and let them get on with it. The are only so many times you can suggest : 'I don' t think you should be doing that' (bouncing off the furniture) and 'could you try and get your food into your mouths and not all over the floor' and 'please don't all talk shout at the same time' and 'remember, this isn't our house so please try not to wreck the place'. After the 2 weeks, 7 of us drove 450 miles as DD wanted to see her childhood home for the last time before I sell it. We drive back to the South again this weekend, they leave from Heathrow, then I swap cars with DD1 and drive another 450 miles home. Am I crazy? Am I tired? Have I lost my marbles? Yes, but I wouldn't have missed having all my family together for the world and I know that in a week's time I will be miserable and lonely again and the silence will be deafening. If it's a case of all or nothing, I would go for the 'all' option any time

Ginny42 Fri 06-Jan-17 08:08:52

I hate it now they've gone. Christmas was lovely with them here but DGS got up Christmas morning at around 7.00, opened some presents and took himself back to bed after 10 minutes and by 7.30 he was lying with a pack of frozen peas on his head, and it all went a bit downhill from there for a couple of days.

I was so relieved when he was up and about and the place was overtaken by a Lego landslide. I kept telling myself there will be plenty of time to clear away when they've gone.

I was on the early airport run yesterday morning up at 2.30 a.m.and came home to a mountain of washing and clearing away. The place is pristine again, but the silence is AWFUL.

I wish I didn't have these long gaps between seeing them, it's as though my life is always on hold until the next time. Then I think of GPs who don't see the children or whose family live too far away for regular visits and tell myself I just have to get on with it.

Jane10 Fri 06-Jan-17 07:54:00

After our DGS went home having stayed with us for a week when his mum was having baby no2, we relaxed and recovered and immediately started to miss him!
I agree entirely that for some reason they do behave much better when parents aren't there.

Grannyknot Fri 06-Jan-17 07:31:47

I love them both ways... when I see them coming and when I see them going! grin

grannyqueenie Fri 06-Jan-17 00:12:36

I love having ours here but I'm not sorry when they go! Sometimes the old boy and I are at the front door waving and blowing kisses as the car drives away, then when we've shut the door we do a little "happy dance"....before cracking on and clearing the debris scattered around the house!

Lillie Thu 05-Jan-17 23:04:07

I'm guessing its probably harder for you Coppernob because your GD doesn't live close by. Ours visit several times a week and sleep over, so there's no point tidying up in between sessions. The cupboard is full of their favourite foods and the programmes they enjoy are recorded on the tv. I want our house to feel like their home from home, but the place really needs a major blitz and declutter when we entertain adult friends.
I think I might feel differently when I retire and have a more independent lifestyle, so I can appreciate the points of view of others expressed here.