Taking the piss - WWYD

Grannyknot - basically I agree with you and the chances of my saying anything are very small. My DD needs to deal with it herself. I will have a quiet chat with her when the chaos of the holidays has fully quietened, as she spoke to me about it yesterday but I could not follow it up as there were gangs of children floating around.

It does annoy me as it is hard to see DD getting worn out.

I wonder what DDs other friends think of this? There's nothing you can do or say really but it would be helpful if another friend says something like 'blimey so and so's really taking advantage ' or similar.

Try to bring the discussion round to this next time you see your daughter. Then have a frank talk with her. Being assertive is difficult if your daughter is so very kind and obliging but if you discuss tactics with her it will only help.

Personally I'd suggest she offers to have these children just one day a week over the holidays saying she'd like to help out more but work calls at her busy time. Then she's helping out a friend, her own children have companionship and yet she's setting boundaries.

I think the real aim is usually patently obvious when "casual remarks" are made with intent (unless the person they are aimed at is very thick skinned).

I also think it's not your business! My kind, helpful daughter would be seriously cheesed off with me if she thought I was interfering in her choices no matter how concerned I was.

Good idea, felice.
After all, if the friend turned up as DD was about to go out to work elsewhere, that would be the end of it. So it should be just the same if she works at home.

Perhaps you could have your DGC some days during the E
Easter holidays, then your DD could homestly say she will be working and the children not at home ?

Why do we find it so hard to say no?

I would tell her (with a smile) that she was jolly lucky that on this occasion your daughter was willing to oblige with free child care in spite of being run ragged and ask her outright what she has planned for childcare for half-term and Easter as she won't be so lucky again.

I don't know what was happening before with this woman's child care.

Deeda - telling thei "friend" that she has a big job coming up would be the truth - their active period is in the summer and there is a big a busy build-up to it from about now on. I think it is a good idea to use this fact as leverage. I will suggest that to DD.

Luckygirl Where did the children stay before your DD had the pleasure of looking after them,did that arrangement fall by the wayside or is this the friends first time back at work.?

Before the Easter holidays she should let it be known that there is a big job coming up and she's not going to have any spare time. Perhaps she could ask this woman if she could have her children for a couple of days?

Your DD doesn't want to offend by refusing? Yet this woman has no fear of offending your DD by imposing on her.

Shortly before the Easter holidays, maybe your DD could ask the friend casually "What arrangements do you have for childcare in the holidays?"
It might be harder for her to state clearly in advance "I have no arrangements other than taking advantage of you."

In any case, your DD could then say that she won't be able to have the children, as she did at xmas, as she has a lot of work to get through and won't be able to manage it if she has extra children around.

I think the idea is good, Luckygirl, but would suggest not addressing the friend directly - just make some comment to your DD about falling behind with her work, in a concerned way.

It's probably important not to make the friend feel 'ganged up on'. Perhaps she's just very self-centres and hasn't considered DD's position at all.

Lucky.....just remember to leave the baseball bat at home.

It would be a good idea to be there and just play it by ear, support if needed without interfering.

No Lucky I don't think it would be a bad move, you're only stating a fact.

This friend will know very well the work and cost involved in looking after and feeding her kids, she is definitely taking the piss.

Some people are unbelievably brazen in their requests and expectations...I've been there and your DD will have make herself unavailable next time. Good luck.

I will be there when this lady is there later this week and what I could do is casually comment that my DD is having to work very hard to catch up on all work she should have been doing over the holiday - No? Bad move?

The 'friend' doesn't (or doesn't want to) even grasp that your DD can't do her work while she's looking after the children?
Could she just have the boy who is her son's close friend? Maybe the entitled one will find other gullible people for the other two. What a cheek!

I think I would not say anything but just be very supportive to your DD. I did intervene once for DD when she was completely overwhelmed and unable to cope with an overbearing friend and her forceful mother and it didn't end well at the time, although the girls are friendly(ish) now.

I would not say anything at all Lucky ( it never ends well) with the person concerned.
Doing what your DD did for one day would have been enough, but more than that....!
She is being taken advantage of, sadly.Say this to her when the moment is right
( I have been there, got the t shirt, as they say) there is a nice but firm way to say no.

Though I really can understand why you are having to sit on your hands and bite your tongue!

This friend really is taking the mick, isn't she? The entitled cheek of some people never fails to amaze me! Your poor daughter really will have to have her excuses ready next time or just be more assertive, I'm afraid - unfortunately it may end badly if you intervene.

Thanks for these ideas.

trisher's suggestion could be a good way forward without causing friction

I have to say, I really can't do confrontation so, in these circumstances, I would look when half term is in February and, the week before, come down with some bug that lingers a bit. That way, if she asks, she will have her response ready. I must say you really shouldn't become involved in saying anythingdirectly to this other woman