Presents for grandchildren rejected

Perhaps give them less next year and put the money you would have spent aside for them. And when they are grown up and say needing money for university give it to them then.
In that way you are treating them the same as your other DGCs which might make you feel better. I wouldn't mention it to the parents at present.

What these DGC need from you is to be their friend and for that you need to be in their lives.

When I was little, in the early 1950s, for my birthday my nana bought me a big Walkie Talkie doll. A new one still in her box! I was over the moon, but my mum's reaction was fury. She really laid (verbally) into my nan (her mother) saying it was too much, she shouldn't have spent all that money on me. I wouldn't appreciate it. Etc, etc. For 60 years I thought my mother was being really nasty but then I discovered what she'd really meant. My nana couldn't afford to buy such a lavish present and it left her really hard up and also, it showed up my parents. There was no way my father could have afforded such a present. It made him feel inadequate.

I feel, unless the OP's DS makes a habit of shouting at her for no real reason there may be more to his outburst than just objecting to a small box of Lego or a pot of Playdough.

I have one DGS and I have, with the agreement of his parents, invested money for him every month since he was born - v early this year. I bought him a small Christmas present - of which we will be completely unaware this year, and will continue to this for birthdays and Christmas in the years to come. He has - and will continue to have, more than enough of anything this world has to offer, and if, when he is older, he questions the level of presents I give him, I hope I can deal with it. (BTW the money markets are going his little nest-egg might just buy him a pint when he reaches 18!).
Yesterday we were at a party at my partner's DD's house at which several young children opened their presents from the extended family. It was a frenzy of grab, rip, tear, discard and move on. All of these presents had been on the children's wish-lists; web-links are circulated weeks before and they all got everything they had asked for. But they had no idea who each present was from - gift labels were irrelevant. One mother was in despair about thank you letters - clearly, vague generic letters would have to be sent. It was horrible. Far far too much conspicuous consumption and absolutely no chance of teaching the children decent values about manners and gratitude.
Christmas giving has gone too far. I'm not advocating a return to the satsuma and a
piece of coal days but I think enough is enough.
And I also think the OP's son should be impaled on top of the Christmas tree and force-fed a mixture of sprouts and New Berry Fruits.

It sounds like you can't do right for doing wrong. I hope your son realises one day what a loving mother he has.

I'm sure there's two sides to this. Maybe they have asked and asked not to buy lots of presents and gm just does what she want? Maybe all the please and thank you'd have been ignored? So this time son has said it straight? I would just say they are not your children and have a little respect for their parents. They may be doing it all wrong, they may be getting their comeuppance in the future but they are doing what all good parents do...they are doing what they think is right and best for their children.

The thread title could just as easily have been: Parents' wishes rejected.

If the OP knew that her grandchildren's parents want to approve presents in advance and then went ahead and did what she liked thus disregarding that, I think that is the rude behaviour, not her son's telling her off for doing it.

Some grandparents seem to be all me me me; it's what I want to do and I'm allowed to; they're my grandchildren, etc. Yes, but they are not your kids and you should respect parents' wishes. Not wanting one's children to get a lot of presents at Christmas is not an unreasonable stance to take.

I've been astonished at some of the amounts of money that some people on this thread have claimed to spend on each of their GC. I used to think claims of commercialism over Christmas were exaggerated. Now I see what such claims were getting at.

My DGSs have a large extended family on their dad's side and get loads of presents from them. My DGDs only have us & their auntie (my DD1) apart from parents. C'est la vie!

Sometimes you can't do right for doing wrong so to speak
This problem is obviously a lot deeper than just a few presents so my advice is keep your head down, let the dust settle and try and have a discussion , perhaps with your son if you have that kind of relationship in a couple of months
I have found in the past writing a letter helps, you can get across exactly what you mean (even if it takes days to write and re. Write)
Good luck.... I realy feel for you

Just ill mannered. They could have put presents away for later in the year or given to a good cause. Perhaps they could consider your feelings and recognise what a kind and decent grandparent you are. Put money in an investment account for the GC
in future and give it to them when they are 18. Let their parents know what you are doing out of respect for them. I think my Christmas would have been ruined with S and DIL behaving like this. No excuse at all for bad manners and rudeness

This really is a minefield especially when your DC all have different earning capabilities and different house sizes. And GPs can become very competitive. We're very fortunate in that we get on with the other GPs well enough that we can agree with them and our DC who gets what. This year we only one present for each GC of around £20-£30 and made up the difference in cash given to their parents to pay for specific things like riding lessons.

However, one of our GC is an only GC on the other side and is overwhelmed with whatever is requested which makes finding something for Father Christmas and her parents to get a big problem. Our contribution is only a token. The money is much more appreciated by my DD!

When we were young we had so few presents and no books so I do tend to overdo it with my grandchikdren. My daughter's have expressed concern in a nice way but only because they want the children to appreciate what they're given. I understand, but find it very hard to control myself.

We always seem to get it wrong don't we, I can't remember being
Like this with my parents.
I don't get to see my grandson until Christmas is over. Son in laws
Parents take that spot.
I love my children but I often wonder if I should of just had cats.
Maybe another year you could ask them what you should buy
And what you shoukd spend

Well i am aware that my s and dil dont like us buying too much for the gc so we tread very carefully, and even ask permission as in 'is it ok if we get him x?' Sometimes i would live to get more but think its fair to respect their wishes. I do think 8 presents as well as money is a lot actually - theres obviously many different opinions on this. Howver her son could simply have said something on the lines of 'thanks for all the presents - very generous of you, but we'd rather you didnt buy so many in future' OWTTE. He completely over reacted in a very unpleasant way!

It seems they have a problem not you. If that is the way they want to bring up there children so be it. You were only doing what a lot of gp do, you will just have to respect their wishes and leave it at that.

I always ask my DDs what they would like me to get for the children, to avoid duplication of gifts from other GPs/aunts/uncles etc.
I usually do a small bag of stocking filler gifts to be given on boxing day when they come to us..these really are small and inexpensive things..rather like the walnut, orange and sixpence of old!

It'd be interesting to see the Mumsnet take on some of these comments As far as I am concerned, we have had our chance to bring up our children as we wanted to. It's their turn now and if their values are different to ours, then we should respect that and listen to them. There's no excuse for rudeness and unkindness - and the son in this case has been rude and unkind in the way he tackled his mother - but that applies equally to some of the posts on here.

I think it was very rude of your son. They could have put some of the presents away and brought them out at a later date. He could have waited until next Christmas to ask you not to buy so much, instead of spoiling this Christmas for you. I hope next year you will just buy one present if that's their attitude towards presents. I totally understand you need to make all the grandchildren who were there the same.

I don't know what the value of the presents was, but I think it's lovely to have a lot of small things to open, even if they don't cost a lot.

My Christmases as a hard up young Mum were made thoroughly miserable by my then MIL buying my daughter everything she had happened to mention over the past few months. Her presents always overshadowed any gifts from anybody else. She never once thought how other family members felt about this. It was very hurtful to all of us. I did ask her a number of times to put limits on what she was buying as my daughter quickly learnt she just had to tell Nanny whatever she fancied and it would appear. This affected her relationship with other family members and began to make her sly when she was told she couldn't have something she wanted. MIL simply couldn't see past her own need/desire to shower her GD with presents and make herself feel happy by doing this. It caused a great deal of pain & concern to others though, especially me!

I can't believe what I am reading here. I thought it was a grandparents role to spoil their grandchildren.
I think your son is being somewhat over dramatic! Maybe next year you'll have to give money and a small present for the children to open and see how that goes down. Or ask first.
Maybe a sit down and talk together is the way to go, your son has made their point of view clear, though he needs to know how upset you are over the way he has spoken to you.

Gardenman giving stuff e.g. loads of toys, can create greed and consumerism in children too and certainly does not equal love, love,love!! Buying one special gift and quietly depositing money for use in later life seems a very sensible option to me!

It sounds like there are a lot of insecure GPs on here who seem to equate their value as a GP with the number of gifts given at Christmas!
Each family will have its own traditions, values etc. and as long as they are not causing anyone else harm there is no problem!

Well....... this is indeed a hot potato topic and a huge learning curve for me. I do believe I may come into the over indulgent category. I am seriously going to rethink my practice. I tend just to buy things(clothes, toys, whatever) as and when I see them. This year the stack under the tree was unbelievable. I was okay with that until I heard my son's partner comment that my younger GD was overwhelmed in that every time she opened a parcel she wanted to play with it. Amen to that BUT..... yet another parcel was placed into her hands for opening and the same confusion ensued. What a silly mess. I think S&P tolerate my indulgences with a degree of polite frustration and, thanks to this thread, I think I will try to change my ways. Thank you ladies for many of the wise practices I have read here. I'll do my best so here's hoping.

Janesworth sounds like you should be a banker and let the GC lust after money money money instead of love love love.

Thank you for that, Gardenman.
Happy New Year to you too.

I've been determined NOT to comment on this post but I've simply got to! Eight presents isn't a lot, I bought far more than that for my grandchildren. They weren't stocking fillers either, most of them were good big presents that they wanted. So there!

I don't think you did anything wrong and it is natural to want all your grandchildren to have the same amount. I think they are being ungrateful and rude - it is up to them how and when the children are given the gifts and there was no reason to behave like this. All they had to do was politely ask you beforehand to limit the presents or explained what they preferred. They could also just have asked this of you for next year after politely explaining their reason. As previously said, their controlling behaviour may well backfire on them as their children grow up. Such a shame for all involved.