Presents for grandchildren rejected

Blimey I'm glad I was otherwise engaged this afternoon this thread did get a bit 'bah humbug' didn't it.

When I was at my son's for Christmas, he brought his presents down to put under the tree, then said, "Oh, dear, I've bought too much again, haven't I?"
We all enjoyed the unwrapping and were pleased with our choices.
A few too many bah humbugs on here.

I resisted the temptation to linger in M&S children'swear department today.

Probably because DH was with me and he wanted to get to the café, he gets grumpy if he's hungry.

"benefit"

I strongly disagree however that the giver shouldn't receive pleasure from the act of that giving, that is just nonsense.

Nobody said that.

Nobody said that you should recieve no pleasure from giving presents.
Just that you shouldn't give presents that are all about the giver's wish to be/appear bountiful and don't bnefit the receiver.

I have to send money for one DGC as they live so far away but at least I saw a picture of him on FB, beaming and showing me what I 'bought'!
It was just the one gift
And, of course, I posted something else as I couldn't resist - which hasn't arrived.

You will have to be strict with yourself and check with them first in future which may take the fun out of it but at least you won't be in trouble..

Thank you everyone for your messages, it's given me food for thought that's for sure. It's nice to see some people can see that I acted out of love and in no way wished to undermine my son and dil's parenting. I am equally grateful to hear from those who think differently from myself.

I do feel however that a couple of posters have been unkind to myself and other members, there is no need for rudeness and sarcasm.

At the end of the day I am who I am and I know that I act with good intentions and from love, if that makes me a bad person then so be it. I will however make an effort to curb my enthusiasm with giving presents from now on... I strongly disagree however that the giver shouldn't receive pleasure from the act of that giving, that is just nonsense.

I loved my mother so much ,she used to spend more than she could afford on my children . They in turn adored her but it wasn't the gifts that they received ,they didn't matter ,it was her love ,kindness and caring nature.We would never have told her off for spoiling them . Just wish she was still here to spoil them now! I buy what my daughter thinks her children need and am less extravagant but often pay for other things like shoes ,trips etc .I think your Son and daughter in law have behaved very badly towards you you have nothing to apologise for !

Evenstar, your eloquent and poignant post of 15:35:43 shows only too clearly how families can be torn apart. How sad for all concerned that your children's grandparents refuse to listen to and respect your wishes.

Why not buy what you like buying, surely your dil should be pleased the children get many presents, as long as they arent over expensive, children love opening presents, it gives them such pleasure, imagine eight presents each, how exciting, I am sure you bought less expensive presents, so what is wrong with that. I cant stand controlling,I have lived with a control freak for fifteen years, so I sympathise, sorry lost the thread a bit, anyway Happygran1964, I think you are a lovely Gran, sending a big hug xx

But not too seriously^. Or there will be rebellion in the camp - sooner or later. (to thatbags

"Half the pleasure is choosing a gift the other is seeing the recipient unwrap it."

But the main point should be the pleasure of the recipient, including parents of a child, not pleasure of the giver.

Not mean spirited boohoo ..having been one of those parents who had to put up with the annual load of cheap crap my parents bestowed on my children at Christmas... and the ritualistic presentation that went with it. ... I vowed I would never be like them. I ought to have been more like the OP's son from the start. Told them to shove 'em where the sun don't shine. Instead I said nothing and just 'disposed' of them at the first opportunity. One nice, well thought out present for each child would have been so much better, and more happily received.

Well said, notanan.

Parenting is worth taking seriously.

Daphne - biased? Donald Trump?
Makes no sense to me. I'm just a kindly old grandma responding to someone who was clearly upset.

Karen - don't worry about me and hope you decide to stay on this site.

This particular thread saddened me but also made me feel guilty for buying so much junk for my darling grandson!!!

Sounds as though your son and his wife take themselves, and their parenting, far too seriously. Which is probably a sign of immaturity. I would ignore.

Stacks of presents isn't really about "doting" on the child, because there is no beneift to the child to have an excessive amount of gifts, they actually enjoy their gifts more if there's only a sensible amount.

Stacks of presents from one GP to a child is much more about the giver than the receiver, and gifts should be about the reciever not the giver.

I would certainly not give money. Half the pleasure is choosing a gift the other is seeing the recipient unwrap it. Your DS and DiL are very rude and ungrateful. Next time buy just a couple of thoughtful gifts. Don't ask for their approval, after all the gift is from you. Don't pay for family treats. The parents certainly don't deserve it. Lastly don't make up the difference with cash. A thoughtful well chosen gift should be sufficient. You sound a lovely, thoughtful and sensitive gran.

I think your son and DIL have been very ungrateful, however I would not buy 8 presents for my GD. This year I bought 2 presents (combined worth around £60-£70) and about £40 of clothes as I knew she was short of the next size up and had checked with my DD and SIL beforehand. Only 2 presents wrapped under the tree for DGD.

I would not give your GC money or pay for outings when your son and daughter in law do not even say thank you or teach their children too and are so shockingly ungrateful. I hear what you say about treating the GC the same but each parent has their own views on how to bring up their children. If your son is adamant he does not want GC spoilt just give them 1 or 2 nice presents and check beforehand with your son as to what to get them. Telling you it spoilt their Christmas is ridiculous though and extremely over dramatic. What a pair of drama queens.

Iindulge all my family and friends because I like spoiling the folk I care for,haven't had complaints from anyone ...ever,Willsmadnan,in fact my family are usually over the moon with their presents.

Is it wonderful to be doting though? Not if it ends up with situations such as this. You can be doting without buying all the presents.

Willsmadnan
I think you will find that it wasn't the OP who mentioned christmas being ruined it was her ungrateful and cruel son who stated that SHE had ruined THEIR Christmas.

I feel for you Happygran, I think your son was insensitive and unkind. You gave your grandchildren presents out of love and they should've been received in the spirit in which you gave them. If your son and dil object to the amount of presents given they could have put some away for another time and spread the enjoyment throughout the year which I'm sure you wouldn't object to. There was no need to cause so much upset. I find ingratitude, for whatever reason, really upsetting and hurtful.

willsmadman

Bah Humbug

Who said anything about competition. You might not want to indulge your grandchildren but it is really wonderful to be doting grandparents. Try it and try not to be so mean spirited.