Presents for grandchildren rejected

I don't regard giving each of one's grandchildren one present "treading carefully". I regard that as simply normal. Your 'normal' is clearly different, happy, but I think you should consider what your son and daughter-in-law regard as normal and be accepting of that. They are not doing anything wrong in having a different point of view from yours.

I neither need or wish to buy affection, I know my grandchildren love me as I am. I don't see the problem in being a little generous personally. You choose to be more frugal as is your right.

I think saying that you ruined Christmas was very harsh and unnecessary. They didn't have to give the children all the presents in one go they could have been spread over a period of time.
Next year maybe talk the present giving over with your son and wife to avoid the situation recurring.
You had the best intentions Happygran so don't beat yourself up about it, at least your family are taking their parenting role seriously.

One grandson.... one present ... maximum spend £12. One happy little boy. You can't buy their affection Happygran, or happiness. And you could try respecting your son's method of parenting. I don't think that would go amiss, and you wouldn't be spending the day feeling miserable.

I didn't realise grandparents had to tread so carefully these days... Not how I was brought up.

Two annuals, one book, playdough, Lego and few dolls and trains, not huge presents.

Are we talking about 8 gifts the size of a matchbox or 8 gifts the size of tv? I would be annoyed at having to find homes for the latter. Just like to add that I bought DH one book he requested and someone one else has given him seven books all costing about £20 + each and although extremely generous it's embarrassingly so.

I guess from now on I will just have to give money and leave it to my son to explain why their cousins have presents.

To be honest thatbags it's hard to know what makes them happy sometimes.

It sounds as if your showering those particular grandchildren with gifts is not making their parents happy.

Thank you Lillie

Fair enough when they're in their own house and want to have their own rules, but when they come to your house Happygran for Christmas with other family members present they should be gracious and grateful. I think your DS was out of order to have a go at you.

You could be right thatbags, I am a big, over excitable kid at Christmas time. I just love family and making them happy, trying to anyway.

Lol. That made me laugh f x

Eight each in addition to some money is a lot. Kids do get over-excited and unmanageable sometimes (possibly what 'ruined' the day) and an excess of presents won't help. Maybe some money and one gift each next year? I can imagine parents not wanting their kids to get used to the idea of being showered with gifts every Christmas.

Sorry I meant Antonia.

Thank you Anyonia. I just feel like an awful gran now and all I wanted to do was make everyone happy.

I bought my 3 about 8 presents each but they were all small inexpensive things bought over the year when I saw interesting things I thought they would like . It is very cruel to be nasty to your Mother whatever the circumstances , he needs a clip round the ear ( as my Mum would have said) metaphorically speaking that is !

I don't see 8 presents as excessive. That's nothing for me lol. No one else has a problem with it. How could I give more to my other grandchildren and not them? Damned either way!

Happygran, I am sorry that you have been upset. IMHO, your son was out of order ringing you to complain, after you had kindly bought gifts for the children. The parents should have rationed them and let the children open them at intervals, if he felt that they were receiving too much at one go. And as Eirel said, I hope you were thanked for your gifts. How ungrateful can anyone be!

I mean that if you know your son and DIL are so controlling, surely you might have known how they'd react to your giving their children 8 presents each. What's happened in past years, and at birthdays etc?

Ana

Do you mean you think I bought too much?

(Although I agree it's a bit OTT if your son to said that you 'ruined' their Christmas!)

Ana I don't know what you mean?

Thank you f77ms. Much appreciated. ?