Presents for grandchildren rejected

happy you are obviously a kind and generous Granny. Your Son and DIL have been rude and inconsiderate of your feelings.

Maybe next year you could ask what one thing from your DGCs Christmas list could be your present. Then like me, you have to sit on your hands and keep your purse shut!

Amen to that norose

Best wishes for the coming year Happygran1964?& a toast to all of us Grannies just trying to do the right thing .

Thanks for all the replies fellow gran's/nans. Much appreciated. X

Norose that's good advice. X

I checked with DS and DIL if what I had in mind (not toys) for their main present(s) was what was needed, and just popped a small toy and some colouring books and pens with the main present for a bit of excitement.

I would be upset, though, if I was told that I had 'ruined Christmas' - surely they can put some toys away in a box in the attic and get them out at a later date?

Jane 10 they were little clip dolls and small Thomas trains, not great big ones!

I think 8 presents each is too many from a GP personally. Obviously you don't, and are a generous person, but the parents have to find room for all the books, dolls, Play Do, trains etc and aren't happy so don't do it. Keep the little bits and bobs for them to play with at your house during the year. A theatre trip or day out is a good present plus one thing to open seems fine to me, but check with the parents what is suitable.

Would your son and DIL have objected to just one present each equating to the value of the 8 smaller ones you sent them or would you have been in the wrong doing that also ?? If my son or daughter thought I had sent too much they would have put some away for a later date, simple solution problem solved and all of my DCs & DGCs would have thanked me for their gifts no matter what I bought them.

Jane, I suppose it's a matter of semantics.
Gemmag, I agree with your comment regarding manners... Gifts should be accepted with good grace and if a son of mine accused me of 'ruining christmas' for buying my very polite, appreciative grandchildren some play dough, annuals etc, I would be very concerned.

Personally I think your DS and DiL need a lesson in good manners!.

Their Christmas was ruined because their children were given too many presents?.

Next year ask DiL to give you some ideas and just go along with it, life's too short to let them upset you like this.

Karen they weren't stocking filler gifts. Books, dolls and trains.

Perhaps you bought gifts that your GC loved which has made DIL fell a little bit put out! I have learnt to run things past my sons &Dils now just to keep the peace. It seems sons have to walk on eggshells these days !much easier if you have a daughter! which I don't so for the sake of making life easier for sons, I check first ?

Happy did say what they were. They were 'stocking filler' type gifts. I suggest you read the thread before commenting.

I am sorry to be deaths head at this feast, but I think buying 8 presents each for your grand children is excessive. Admittedly, you do not say what they were or how much they cost and if they were all stocking presents from Poundland that would not be excessive, but I suspect you poured your all, money and love, into buying those presents and I suspect this wasn't the first time you have gone overboard like this nor was it the first time it has been a bone of contention between you and your son.

Since when have parents vetted presents bought for their children? Well, for as long as parents have been parents and children have been given presents. I can remember my mother quietly removing a present I was given that she thought was unsuitable for me, and although I do not remember doing it myself with my children I would have if the occasion had arisen.

My DS and DDiL struggle with the number of presents their children are given. They had their children late and few of their friends have children, so they get spoiled at Christmas and birthdays. As a result both sets of Grandparents liaise very closely with the parents over what we give the children, as indeed did my children's grandparents with us.It would not occur to me to give my grandchildren other than the most trivial of presents without consulting their parents.

As many a thread on Gransnet has shown, showering children and grandchildren with everything they want as a sign of love, often results in selfish and demanding children who grow into adulthood expecting to get everything they want and rejecting the givers when they cease giving.

Maybe you can suggest how I tell the grandchildren that they can't have the same as their cousins as I am certainly not depriving them of their gifts if my daughter doesn't mind. I maintain that I didn't go over the top.

happy, from what you say, it sounds to me that you're well aware of your son and his family's 'alternative' lifestyle. Why then did you decide not to respect that? It sounds to me that you are trying to control and impose your will regarding Christmas presents, against their wishes.
Accept their differences.

I'm sorry you're unhappy about it.

Thank you Shysal, it's nice you understand.

I always buy each of my GCs several small low cost presents as well as giving money. Even my 17 year old GS said how much he looks forward to receiving his usual home-made personalized red sack. It was only about 1/4 full but he still enjoyed the thrill of opening it. I don't feel that once a year is spoiling them! I would have been very upset if DD had told me off, but then I know she is just as bad!
Don't beat yourself up Happygran, you are a caring generous grandmother whom your GCs may appreciate when they are old enough to notice their parents' excessive control.

Thanks Christine

Jane I do it because I don't want two of my grandchildren to miss out.

Thatbags, I mean treading carefully by having to get pre approval about what I actually buy. As I said I will only give money from now on so problem solved!

Well just cut back on all the OTT giving!

They happily accepted my paying for all of them to go to a Safari park, a trip to the Santa Express and a zoo membership, oh and I didn't get a thanks for that either.

I agree thatbags!