Buying presents Good morning ITV

I guess My concern is; I wholeheartedly feel grateful for gifts received and to gift where I feel I want to give - whatever size or cost you gift from your heart not obligation or some strange notion of 'matching it' just does not make any sense to me and was surprised this was discussed in this manner on tv - my favourite present of all time was from a SIL who was 10 and made cookies and a box I still have the box - anyone would struggle to 'match that' - maybe I'm just peculiar it just surprised me people think this way

I would suggest a small useful gift a pot of special jam or chutney or such. In a local shop there were some lovely chocolate ginger biscuits for £1 .50 in an attractive little box.That would just show your thanks and was not expensive at all. I just wish I could remember which shop.?

gillybob That's awful and very embarrassing . What a mean spirited thing to do !

When I was first married we had a friend call round every year on Boxing Day with presents, first for me and OH and then for my DD. I had always overlooked getting him a present back and rushed off to wrap something I could find from OH's stack from the day before.

We saw this friend most weeks so we should have bought him something in, wrapped and ready for him to open. It made me feel so guilty every year. Not because of what he bought me (lovely perfume etc.), but the fact I was an idiot making him feel uncomfortable. But then I was married and OH could have got something too. He knew him first, I came along after, as his girlfriend. I wouldn't do it now, I even give gifts to the pharmacy and doctor's receptionists!

Again I think it depends on "how" it is given. Ankers.

For example, is the gift given quietly and in private or is it given as this "huge" gesture in front of lots of people?

There is also a lot in the words spoken when the gift is given as to how genuine the "giver" is and whether a gift is expected in return.

To give a (poor) example.

About 4 weeks before my mum died "someone" brought a second hand chair to her house for her to use. It had belonged to their relative who had recently died and was the kind where you press the button and it rises and falls etc. My mum and dad could never have afforded one. My DH and the giver, put it in place and I was given the job of testing it out, showing my mum how easy it would be to get up and and back into her wheelchair. My mum was happy and quite tearful. We then persuaded mum to have a go herself which she did. As soon as she sat in the chair "the giver" said "See how it goes, I don't want any money for it at the moment so don't worry about it"

Why say that? Why say anything about money? There were 6 of us all stood around horrified. My poor mum only lived another few weeks so he got his chair back to sell very quickly. She barely sat on it.

But it does make a recipient feel bad and somewhat obligated quite often.
The giver never and does not have control over how a recipient is supposed to feel, no matter "how" it is given.

Given graciously a present should never make the recipient feel bad or in any way obligated to return the gesture. It it "how" it is given that counts.

Well, I said what I thought it meant in my previous post of 11.31 gillybob, i.e. it's not about how much pleasure the giver gets from giving, but how it might make the recipient feel.

Obviously if you know people well, it wouldn't apply, but I'm only going from what the OP said, I didn't watch the programme.

Care to explain what was meant then Ana?

I took it as meaning if you buy someone something you make them obligated to buy you back??

I don't think that was the point of the presenter's message, gillybob, but never mind, perhaps it's just me...

I am with paddyann I buy whatever I like (and can afford) for whoever I like, without giving one jot as to whether I will receive anything in return.
I too get genuine pleasure in giving.

I declared in November that we would give just a 'token' present to each other. I said this because I know D and partner and S have very little money and I didn't want them to be embarrassed recieving large gifts and only giving small in return. If that had been the case it wouldn't have bothered me a jot, just knowing they had bothered to buy anything would be enough.

Also, my DD does not have much cash, so is telling everyone not to buy much for her and her husband, as they cannot or do not want to reciprocate.
I think that is fair enough?

would never and have never expected anyone to buy a gift in return....why would I.I give to people I care about because I want to not for what I can get back.Everyone who knows me will know that I sometimes go a bit OTT but if I know they'll love it then why not? I'm happiest when I'm giving .

Very embarrassing I agree Ana

It sounds as though that was what the presenter meant - that a generous gift just might be embarrassing for someone to receive if they haven't bought the giver one, or if they really can't afford to.

It's about their feelings, not those of the giver.

I never feel obligated, I do on rare occasions feel obliged to reciprocate though.