The Santa question.

'we all just pretend it's Santa'

What do you mean you 'pretend'??????? Are you saying that Santa isn't real?

Don't you know that, like the Tooth Fairy, Santa can only visit houses where the occupants still believe. That's why he never comes down the chimney of non believers and they have to buy their own presents.

Magic relies on belief. If everyone stops believing in magic all the fairies, elves, Santa and even Rudolph will die.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with believing in Santa Claus. In our family, Santa brings the items in the stocking that the children leave out. Other gifts are from parents and family. The magic of childhood is all too fleeting, please don't take it away too soon. I had to believe in Santa until I was 15, for the sake of my little sister. I still find Christmas magical. ???

We always played it that Santa delivered the presents that we had chosen and bought for them, so they were never under any impression that everyone could just ask for the moon and have it wrapped in fancy paper and presented to them on Christmas morning. That was how my parents played it. We knew that they didn't have unlimited funds, so we didn't expect extravagant gifts.

I don't remember ever being asked what I would like - they had watched us all year and knew what would please us. Finding something under the tree that was just right was part of the magic. That is what we tried to do with our own. If they had set their hearts on something, they did drop heavy hints as Christmas approached, but "The list" was not in evidence. Their grandparents would sometimes ask what would be suitable, and sometimes buy whatever took their own eye.

What is wrong in letting children believe in Santa? I can't remember if or when my parents told me it wasn't real, probably came to that conclusion on my own. Does it mean you don't read fairy tales to children because they are not real? Someone once said, fairy tales don't tell children that dragons are real, they tell them dragons can be killed. Not a bad philosophy.

I m with you Elegran I always let them think I saved up money to send to Santa and if they were very good ( even if they weren't but they didn't know that ) they d get an extra Santa present just from him ...but I don't agree that you can buy kids presents that you think they ll like. it's VERY VERY different now and a lot of people don't live near their grandkids to watch them or know what they already have and also the choice nowadays is so massive that they can change their minds almost weekly as new things become popular especially as they get older

So, how do you say it is " magical " to a child in a single parent family on benefits who would love a £200 + games console?

The difference now, bluebelle is in expectation. We were not bombarded with adverts for the in toys for months before Christmas, so we were not aware that we were supposed to want the latest commercial wonder. Our children got more of that, but it was still possible to avoid too much of the hype.

These days the marketers are very sophisticated. They know just which buttons to press to make children want the gifts that will generate vast profits. To make adults want the latest too!

That is what has stolen the magic, nothing to do with Santa and his elves.

My DD is on a very tight budget. They are a single income family and home educate. She is very inventive where Santa is concerned. As I said above, Santa brings gifts to put in the stocking, little things such as a small toy, colouring book and crayons, apple, orange, socks etc. The children are realistic enough to know that extravagant gifts are not affordable. Christmas can still be magical, even on a limited budget.

Do many people actually say "Santa"? It's Father Christmas round here. Not that it matters I suppose.

DGS is four and three quarters. The other day he was deep in thought trying to work out how Father Christmas would be able to visit him in his flat, no chimney you see. The thought processes as he was problem solving were a joy to behold. DGS decided that the elves would come through the letter box and let FC in that way. He can have the innocence of believing in Father Christmas for as long as it takes. Anyway, surely it's the fact that FC visits at all rather than wanting him to supply everything in the toy shop?

Well I've just had a letter from Santa!
It came down my chimney and is slightly scorched and grubby.
It explains that he knows they love Percy Pig sweets but he can't go into M&S to buy them as he'd be recognised. So he asked Gran to buy them along with one or two other things.
He would of course visit their home on Christmas Eve (letting himself in with the magic key they leave on the door handle) to deliver some special presents but explained that parents and grandparents are always happy to help him!
I haven't yet shown them the letter.......

Daddima I've been on benefits for a while now, at least while my son has been young. I bought his games consoles either off ebay or second hand from somewhere. The trade in places are good, CeX, cash generator, gumtree, freecycle. Look in shop advert places. GAME do trade in consoles. It depends on which console you are talking about? How many children are you buying for? It is hard, but I have never had any loans since being on benefits, I have just had to budget so much better.

Dadima I was a single parent with three children and it is as magical as you want to make it
A child doesn't need a £200 gift to make it magical in fact that is exactly what is wrong with it today I got everything second hand and did them up I even remember getting them bikes and painting frames and Brillo padding rust spots They never questioned if they were second hand just jumped on them and away but now I would do what Rubylady says go on selling sites

Elegran I totally agree we are rich and greedy society with huge expectations we have lost so much i wish it would change

Bedtime : 'Gran this is ever so ackward (he is 7 but has a fab vocabulary) ... about my little sister.
Me: what's the problem F?
He: well she still believes in Father Christmas, I just don't know what to say..
Me: oh just play along with it , it does no harm.
He: well yes- but there is the other one!
Me: who F
He- can you imagine she still believes in God..
Me: ah ...

When DSs were small we told them that stockings, on end of bed were from FC and pre Scents under the tree were from us. Over the years they gradually came to realise that there was no FC, but they have always played the game, tongue in cheek! Knowing that if you were naughty you would get a lump of coal!

I know ask GCs if daddy has been good and do they think he'll get a lump of coal?
Fortunately we have an open fire and they know what coal is!

Presents* even!

gj, I like your grandson. My two youngest GSs, 9 and 11, determinedly hang on to the myth of Santa, though I'm sure as can be that their peer group will have exploded that myth years ago. There's no problem - they will come to terms with reality sooner or later and realise that a comforting myth is not the same thing as a lie.

We have always gone along with the myth, but tried not to raise expectations, FC always filled stocking left out in bedrooms. More expensive parents came on birthdays and from parents. Both my children had birthdays in the first week of January so it was important to make them special.

The myth that FC would bring whatever you wanted always worried me, there were many years when money was tight.

The most difficult situation I found myself in was a 40 year old man, who would had physical and learning disabilities whose parents still insisted on keeping the myth going. His Mother would get really angry and protective about it.

I was having this very conversation this morning with my daughter. Thinking back we never had a moment when the ' is Father Christmas real' question came up. It was just a given at some stage they would know.

Our 10 year old Grandaughter asked her mum yesterday though and her mum simply replied ' do you think he's real?' She replied after some thought that he came for the little ones but sleigh space being what it is she knew her mummy helped him out .

She has a little brother who believes with all his heart and I know she won't spoil the magic for him.

My daughter found a lovely not on line which explain about Father Christmas beautifully mentioning it's not about a person but about a season of goodwill and joy centreline round the love of family and friends. I think she'll give that to her children as and when it's time.

Our grandchildren give us endless lists with zero expectation of getting even a small % of that list. They love what they're given and I see no reason to suspect they're harmed by a myth that brings so many joy.