Missing a dear friend ......

I have kept the last cards from some long gone loved ones including my darling Nana - I takethem out every year at this time and remember them fondly. Time is a great healer.

I lost my best friend in August, and find I am at quite a loss as to how to do christmas this year. There is nobody else in whom I can confide; she knows the back story to it all and just understands. Oh how I miss her.

Well just to update, the lemon curd is now made using eggs from our own hens and it's good. Pastry tarts in the freezer. I have decided that every Christmas Eve from now on, it's a lemon curd tart, glass of sherry, and a toast to a dear friend before dinner. I shall think of her at other times obviously, but I just felt the "need" to do something special, and this feels right.

I have found all these posts sad but uplifting. Thank you all for sharing.

DH's cousin and his wife died a couple of years ago. Although we met up less than once a year and mainly just exchanged Christmas cards (hers were her own paintings) I have been surprised how much I miss them. We had a lot in common and I often wish I could phone them about something that has caught my eye.

My dear friend of many years died in September last year after a prolonged battle with cancer. It was particularly painful for all her many friends (she was a single lady) as she decided not to have the brain surgery which would have saved her life, as she wanted to go down the alternative medicine route. I wish we could have talked some sense into her but she wouldn't listen. She took out equity release on her house to pay for all the expensive and useless alternative treatments administered by a lot of quacks, one of whom had been jailed and another was under investigation for fraud. If she had had the operation as soon as her brain tumour was discovered, she would probably have recovered. During the time she was ill,(over a year), I broke my wrist and had two operations, including a knee replacement, so I wasn't able to help out as much as I would have liked to. I had such mixed feelings - I felt helpless and very cross with her at the same time because she wouldn't listen to reason. I miss her very much - she was a very bright lady and we were always on the phone to each other. There is definitely a big gap in my life.

My Mum and I always produced Christmas lunch together, she died 25 years ago and I still find myself looking around for her on Christmas Day. It is a time I think of all the people I have been close to, there is sadness and an emptiness but also joy at the memories of fun, laughter and love. A very mixed time. Morgana, I have planted for friends and family, many of the plants in our new garden are known by their names. It helps me a lot.

Reading many of these posts reminds me of a verse by Elizabeth Jennings:
Time does not heal
It leaves a half stitched scar
That can be broken and you feel
Grief as total as it's first hour.

Some years ago my daughter gave me a new address book so that I could leave a list of friends to contact on my death. Good idea I think. I try to plant something in garden as a memento of lost friends.

My best friend died this year. I miss her every day. NYE is going to be hard as we always spent it together. Her husband is still hosting it but I am dreading it. I can see why he wants to though & it will be even harder for him.
So many times have I thought I must ring her to tell her something funny. Never had a sibling & she felt like a much loved older sister.
It's very hard.

My mum died a lot of years ago I still miss her especially at this time of year my sister
Spent her last Christmas with us we knew it was her last so I was happy she came
Everything seems worse at Christmas so I do think of the good times and try to create
Them for my family gillybob it's early days yet for you ? To all

My aunt died 1989 and I wasn't particulary close to her. But every year she took the trouble to plant 3 or 4 hyacinth bulbs in a bowl to give me during December for my Xmas present. I just got used to having it every year. After she died I realised how much I missed it and her. I buy myself a bowl of hyacinths every year in December now and say a quiet 'Thankyou Auntie Madge' to myself.

Lupatria I think that quite often, 'can't wait to tell J that', or ask her opinion on something.

I remember my mother saying that there was no-one left who called her by her Christian name except for one sister who lived a distance away; all the rest had gone and she was 'Mum', 'Nana' or 'Aunty'.

It takes time to grow an old friend, no wonder they're so missed.

And losing that last sibling, and all the shared memories that only you and they had.

Lost my 'baby' (61)brother in March after 6 cruel months
Sometimes it just 'gets' you .Much harder than losing a parent .
I feel so sad for my sister in law who is putting on a brave face but I know is in bits underneath and dreading Christmas

Rinouchka that made me cry. Good for you keeping up with your friends children. I am sure the baby blankets will be very special.

Thanks, Swanny.

It is sad when we loose friends and family especially this time of year. We miss our son he loved Christmas and it's always hard each day but Christmas is just difficult but we get through it.

I lost my precious mum in may and this time of year it seems to be harder than ever. We were like best friends she loved Christmas and all that went with it. I still have my lovely dad but he seems so lost. But I am trying to be strong for all my family and I do understand how you are all feeling. So Christmas blessings to you all

I have my much loved kids and GC but I miss the people I loved who knew me when I was younger. In particular my dear friend who died several years ago, her husband used to ring me every few months to let me know how they were all doing, then he rag to tell me he had met someone new (my friend gave him strict instructions to do this and be happy) at that point she seemed so distant, I had enjoyed just remembering her with him............

My last link was gone and I haven't heard from him since.

I miss her terribly and look back on her wisdom and friendship as one of the better times of my life.hard to make new old friends.

i lost my best friend almost three years ago now and i still find myself thinking "must tell jan that" and then realising that i can't.
somehow it's worse than losing my mum in 2007 and my dad in 2008 but my friend and i were very close.
we told each other everything and usually spoke every day on the phone when we weren't going out.
she's left such a big hole in my life - other friends just aren't the same.
christmas always seems "not quite right" because of my parents and my friend not being here.

Today my dear uncle would have been 100. He died 13 years ago, 8 days after my aunt/godmother, on either side of Christmas. They meant so much to me. I was staying there, to take care of my uncle, when he died of pneumonia. With the help of a wonderful undertaker, we arranged to bury them together on a day of bitter frost. I wrote a eulogy but the vicar had to deliver it for me as my voice had completely vanished. I still miss them, especially at Christmas - when my aunt's stroke made it impossible for them to come to me, I would cross the Pennines and spend the day with them.

Oh I know exactly how you feel Izabella and others. I lost my mum in April and now that it is getting close to Christmas (which she loved) I am feeling the loss more than ever. My mum was in a wheelchair and we enjoyed shopping for presents for the little ones together. She loved the family Christmas meal (always at mine) and things will just never be the same without her. I wish I could remember all the good times and her lovely smile, but I am still not able to stop seeing her face in her last hours and after she died. It keeps me awake at night.

Disgruntled that is so sad

Back in the seventies my mother had a lovely old neighbour who, like many women her age, had married a young soldier during WWI. He went off to fight and never came back. She received news of his death on Christmas Eve. All those years later she still could not celebrate Christmas as it was just so painful for her.

Going through my Christmas card list for last year I find there are some people from whom I did not receive one back. All elderly like me. Am I to assume that they have died. Why don't their relatives inform everyone? Surely they had an address book.
I do miss my sister who died four years ago. We used to be in touch almost every day and confide in one another. Christmas is not a joyful,time for many people.

My daughter's father and my mum both died on 5th December 2010. My dad died 10th December 1980.

cherry tree, does your friend have family who you could offer the jacket to? I am sure it would be treasured by them.