Power of Attorney

I know my elderly uncle refused to sign because he feared him family would sell his house and put him in a home . He also did not trust them with him money and feared they might put an end to his betting on the horses . They really only had his welfare in mind but he refused to sign . He died at 99 still in charge of his money .

I mentioned this to my husband the other day and he got quite upset - not sure why. He definitely won't do it.
What is it with men?

I think the fear of not being in control plays a big part, as in the example of Floradora's uncle.

It can seem like signing away all rights and independence, especially for the very elderly who've never come across a POA before.

Many years ago, shortly after I was divorced from my first husband, my mother and I went to a solicitor to make our wills. He had been my mother's solicitor for many years and before him, his father had been the family solicitor. As we were leaving, he gave my mother a form and said 'here is a present, fill it in'. It was an enduring power of attorney form and my mother did fill it in and give it to me.

When she got dementia I looked after her for a long time but eventually, partly for her own safety, she had to go into a home. I had to sell her house to fund it and if it hadn't been for the form, things would have been very much more difficult.

Before the forms changed, I filled one in and gave it to my daughter. I think the forms are more complicated now and am not sure if I should update it.

I have made a new will and I am in the process of going through the Lasting Power of Attorney procedure. There was a problem with one of my friends who was going to be an executrix- firstly she thought that it would cost her money but I said no it would not and this week, after I had signed my part and the other friend hers, she balked at signing because she did not understand the words "jointly and severally". That is all sorted and next week my LPA will go before the court and it should be sorted before Christmas.

My DH and I have had our p of a forms completed and signed via our solicitor. We have them at home and ready to be loved in court and used if and when necessary. It is not necessary to lodge them in court until they need to be actioned.

OH and I did ours when he was changing his will for the umpteenth time ! The solicitor suggested it and OH didn't object , we haven't actioned it yet , but at least it is there when we need it

DH and I did P of A forms many many years ago - there is no point in not doing so. I worked with people with dementia and brain injury for many years, and dealt with my parents' last illnesses and a P of A makes life so much easier for your relatives to do the right thing by you.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I think that unless SiL husband receives a "wake up call" like OH did, he will resist.

When my husband was bemoaning the fate of our friend, I just said, quite bitterly,."Well you won't have to go through that, because I have PoA. Whereas I will be in just that position"

The man thought he could sell his home and move closer to his daughter, now that his wife has severe dementia. The Estate Agent told him that, as his wife is unable to consent to the sale, he has to apply to the Court of Protection. Much more expensive than the PoA and could take up to a year.

I have twice had to deal with the affairs of relatives whose physical and mental states had deteriorated to such an extent that they were no longer able to manage their affairs but who had refused to complete POAs. In each case it made a bad situation dreadful, dealing with the sudden collapse of a household; caring for house, household bills, close relative in hospital and no access to the funds necessary to pay for utitilties, deal with domestic disasters (pipes bursting)

It meant that medical authorities would not speak to me, even though my relations wanted me to be told and, in one case, explain to my uncle, his wife's medical problems. I paid the care home fees for an aunt and uncle for three months, more than £6,000, while we sorted the POA out. I was able to claim it back, but it was fortunate that I had the money available.

I now see not setting up a POA as an act of monumental selfishness by the person refusing to do it, of utter disregard for those who that person claims to love and care about and who, at a time of distress and difficulty, will have this distress made even more distressing and difficulty because the person who is benefiting from the care of family and friends, really cares so little for them that they will not lift a finger to make that task easier.

Relate this story to those who refuse to get their affairs in order. It is true, I know the couple personally.

Tom and Mary. Both late 70s, no children. Mary develops dementia. Tom is fit and well for his age, and a devoted husband. He looks after his wife well. Feeds her, baths her, dresses her, cares for her. Takes her out in the car, and provides a level of care second to none.

Interfering niece decides her Aunt Mary ought to be in a home. Tom disagrees. Interfering niece gets social worker involved and, because there's no LPA for health & welfare in place, overrides Tom and places Mary in a care home. Within two weeks Mary has deteriorated. She has bed sores, is dehydrated. Tom does his level best to get his wife returned to his care, but sadly six weeks after admission to the home Mary dies.

As I said this is a true story.

PS if writing your LPAs make sure you get both kids kinds and that they are registered with the Office of Public Guardian or they will be invalid,

On what grounds did Mary get placed into a home? There must have been a reason other than an interfering niece . Just interested , not disputing the story .

Whi knows what story she spun. But perhaps the social worker thought Tom too old and unqualified to deal with a dementia case?

Point is - social worker had the power and Tom didn't.

He's now 91 and still bitter.

Brilliant post MOnice. Here's a really useful link which explains why it's best to replace a PoA with the LPA - briefly because an LPA is registered as part of the process of setting it up and the old PoA isn't and secondly, the latter doesn't cover health and welfare. We've recently done both kinds - we did it ourselves, found the online help easy to use - the health and welfare one made us have necessary and frank discussions with DC and each other. Total cost now £400 - £100 per LPA
www.ageuk.org.uk/money-matters/legal-issues/powers-of-attorney/enduring-power-of-attorney/